Page 50 of This Is Us

Stella looked around the room, clocking some of her favourite books on the packed bookshelves. Photo frames jostled for position: one of Emily with whom Stella assumed to be her parents, another of Emily beaming into the camera on top of a hill with Bertie by her side. It was that same wide smile Stella had seen in the photo on the beach.

‘Shift over, I’ll light the fire. Here you go.’ Emily handed Stella a tumbler with amber liquid inside.

‘Thank you.’ Stella took the glass and sniffed it, the scent of smoke and brine hitting her nose. ‘What is that?’

‘Whisky. Single malt from the island.’

‘I’ve never really drunk whisky.’

‘To be honest, I don’t drink it that often, but tonight, I think we need it.’ Emily bent down and lit the kindling in the fireplace. Whoever had brought Bertie back down to the cottage had set the fire, too. The small flame flickered and jumped and soon the wood crackled as the flames took hold, the smell of woodsmoke mingling with that of the whisky. ‘Here, there’s some water in there if you want to add a drop to your dram. I would if I were you, it helps bring out the flavours.’

Stella splashed in a dash of water to her glass and took another sniff. The aromas softened, smelling like peat and heather. She let the liquid roll around her mouth a little, feeling a gentle burn as the flavours took hold of her taste buds. She shook off her coat and put it next to her on the floor, then took a seat.

Emily sat down on the sofa opposite her, Bertie curling up at her feet. ‘OK, so I think you should go first. Then I’ll tell you what I know.’ She took a sip of her whisky and set the glass down on a small wooden side table on top of a pile of books.

Stella sat up and took a deep breath. ‘So, as I said, I’m married to Simon. We met years ago, I’d just come out of quite a long relationship and definitely wasn’t looking to get married or have kids. I was still too young, or so I thought anyway. But then I met him at work, and he was much older, well not that much, but at the time it seemed like a big deal. We were friends for a while, but then as soon as we got together, that was it. We moved in together, he wanted to get married, have children pretty much straight away.’ Stella took a sip of her drink, wincing a little as she swallowed. ‘Woah, that’s strong.’

‘I promise, it gets more delicious.’ Emily took a sip of hers. ‘Go on.’

Stella sat back in the armchair, resting her glass in her lap. ‘Well, we had three children, again pretty quickly. Max is ten, the girls – twins, Millie and Isla – are nearly eight. I left my job when I had the kids and started my own company a few years later and when it started to do well enough, Simon joined to run the finances. And up until a few months ago, I thought our life was… well, perfect.’ Stella looked up at Emily. ‘Sorry, I’m sure that sounds really smug, but honestly, that’s how it felt. We had the usual rows that I assumed all married people do, but nothing out of the ordinary.’

‘Then what?’ Emily took another sip of her whisky.

‘Then, everything just imploded. Out of nowhere, or seemingly out of nowhere. I found a tie. One that I hadn’t bought him. I remember thinking, when I first saw it, it was the kind of tie he wouldn’t really buy himself. So, I asked him, and he was cagey about it, tried to brush it off. It was the first time I’d ever even thought about the fact that he might have been unfaithful. And then,’ Stella sighed, ‘he told me he didn’t love me any more and he left. No warning, no explanation. He just left. And he didn’t just leave me, he left his kids. That’s the bit,’ Stella swallowed hard, ‘that I just can’t understand.’

‘Did you ask him if he’d had an affair?’

‘I didn’t get a chance. He’d packed a bag before telling me he was leaving me. He just came downstairs and told me he was going. I’ve not heard from him since.’

‘And there’s no one you know who might know what or why or where, I guess?’

‘Exactly, which is why I’m here. None of his old work colleagues have heard from him, none of our friends, or even his old friends. Not that he had that many, as it turns out. I’d always thought that was because he moved away from here when he was quite young. Anyway, he’s gone. Disappeared, basically.’

Emily shifted her feet, tucking them under her. ‘So, what led you to me?’

‘I found an old wallet of his in a suitcase, one that I remembered he’d used when we first got together. I found your name on a piece of paper tucked inside.’ Stella looked at Emily, waiting for her reaction.

‘What else was on it?’

‘Just your name and an old phone number. Not a mobile number, though. I assumed it must have been a landline or something.’

Emily closed her eyes and shook her head. ‘It wasn’t a phone number.’ She opened them and looked at Stella. ‘It was my bank account number. The one he emptied before he disappeared.’ Her eyes were glistening.

‘He what?’ Stella sat bolt upright.

‘I know. It gets worse.’ Emily stood up. ‘I need a top-up for this bit.’ She poured another dram for them both, putting the bottle down by the side of the fireplace.

‘So, what happened?’ It was Stella’s turn to ask the questions.

‘Simon and I met when I was a still a teenager, the first summer I moved away from home. I was working in a hotel in Oban, he was a waiter there. He was a bit older than me. I assumed I’d be the last person he’d be interested in back then. I’d had my heart broken for the first time the previous summer so didn’t want to rush into anything, but he was very… persistent. In the end, I said yes and we started going out. He was quite full on, talked about marriage, having kids from the beginning. But I was just a baby myself. Anyway, we were together for a few years, it all got very serious. He moved into my flat in Oban and we agreed to start looking for a house. I’d been left some money by my grandparents, not exactly a fortune but enough back then to put towards a deposit. We got engaged; my parents were furious. They thought I was way too young. And then Simon said we should start trying for a baby. I assumed I’d get pregnant quickly given that I’d spent the last few years terrified of getting pregnant. But, as it turned out, I didn’t and after having loads of tests to work out why, I found out I was infertile at twenty-one. Cysts on my ovaries.’ Emily stared at her glass.

‘I’m so sorry, that must have been awful for you,’ said Stella.

Emily nodded slowly. ‘It was. He’d always said he loved me more than anything, but soon after that he just… checked out. I tried everything, said we could get treatment, surrogacy, adopt. We argued about it for a few months, tried to patch it up, but it always came back to that. And eventually he left. I remember him standing by the door in the kitchen. I just couldn’t believe what was happening. I was in shock. Not that I wanted children then, but to be told it’s not an option, it’s a lot for anyone to take in, let alone a twenty-one-year-old only child who’s already all too aware that her parents dream of having grandchildren one day. I was their only hope. And instead of offering any help or support coming to terms with it, he just eased himself out of it. It was like I wasn’t part of the plan any more. His plan, anyway. His parting shot was to clear out my bank account.’

Stella sat in silence for a moment, slowly shaking her head. ‘I’m so sorry. I can’t believe he did that to you.’

‘The next time I went to pay my rent, I got a message from the bank saying the payment hadn’t gone through. I went in to see them and it turned out he’d taken pretty much everything in there, including the money we’d saved for the deposit. After he’d gone, I went to his mother’s house…’

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