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The bags under his eyes were only getting worse. Worry was woven behind the mask he usually wore. His shoulders seemed to be weighed down with some unknown burden.
“I gotta make a quick stop and then we can have some fun.”
She nodded. What she wouldn’t give to make him feel lighter for one night. She’d do whatever she could to support him like he’d done for her. If only he’d open up more about what was troubling him.
He drove them to the edge of town. She’d only been here one other time, with him. Mikel pulled up to the house she’d suspected he got his drugs from, and it was the final straw. Several cars were spread out on the lawn as music bled into the warm night.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, grabbing the door handle.
Remy’s arm shot out to stop him.
He turned to her, confusion written across his features.
“I know what we’re doing here.”
He looked down momentarily. “What do you mean? Of course you do. I told you, I just need to make a quick stop. My friend Isaiah is holding something for me.”
“And you’ll come back out with nothing in your hands, and pills in your pocket,” she said, with sudden determination. Where did that come from?
Avoiding the topic hadn’t worked. Maybe she just needed to let him know that he didn’t have to hide it from her. That he could trust her.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, getting defensive. His voice was stone cold.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“Do what?” He steeled his expression.
“I-I found them,” she said, suddenly less sure. Maybe they weren’t his? Her belly twisted into thousands of intricate knots. Her world tilted on its axis. She wasn’t sure what was right or wrong, what she should do.
“You found what?”
“The pills,” she answered, her voice quieter than she intended.
He was silent for a moment, looking towards the house as if deep in thought.
Distant again.
She unbuckled and moved closer to him, laying her hand on his chest as she spoke. “Mikel, I don’t know what you’re going through, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”
He flinched as if her words had somehow hurt him. “Were you snooping around in my shit?” he asked in a low growl.
Anxious worry curled in a ball, skittering around in her stomach. His anger had never been directed at her before. “No!” She defended herself. “A few months ago, when I made your bed, I found the bag by accident. But I’ve put two and two together.”
He swallowed hard, still not looking at her. His heart was pounding below her palm. “Have you told anyone else?” he asked, his voice a little kinder this time.
“No, Mikel. I haven’t said a word to anyone.”
He turned towards her, his eyes pleading. “Please don’t. Keep this between us. I don’t use that much. I’m not an addict or anything. I just need some help sometimes to get through the day. I take it to keep the memories away, to help me sleep.”
A tiny voice inside her protested at his request, this was a bigger deal than he was making it out to be. Another part of her wanted to believe the man she loved wasn’t an addict. Addicts were supposed to be horrible, selfish people. Mikel cared for her, Bently, and Andre, and helped provide for Jasmine. She wanted to believe him.
She couldn’t turn him down when he was being so open and honest with her. This was what she’d wanted—his trust. “I won’t. I promise. But will you try to cut back?”
“Yeah. I can do that. No problem.” He nodded vigorously, wrapping her in a hug tightly to his chest.
She breathed out a sigh of relief. He would make an effort.
“Well, now that you know. Wanna come in and meet my friends? They’re having a little party. We don’t have to stay long,” he assured her.
