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Chapter 15
Remy
After clicking open the web browser, Remy surveyed the information on one of the countless sites she’d found about addiction. The past week without contact from Mikel had torn her into pieces. She’d been getting through to him until she had messed it all up by shutting him out. But she’d been so scared and unsure of what to do. Remy loved Mikel, and she wanted to help. She just wasn’t sure what that meant.
She’d pored over research online and found an interesting piece in her quest for information stating that the opposite of addiction was not sobriety, but connection. How could she provide that for Mikel beyond what she was doing? She’d done everything she could to let him know she was there for him. Had she done something wrong? One thing was clear: enabling the behavior was the absolute worst thing a person could do for an addict. But what was the difference between enabling and compassion? Could she draw a line like that with him? Creating a boundary between them was the antithesis of showing him love, wasn’t it?
The screen door creaked, bringing her back from her thoughts. Crisp September air blew through the back of the bakery, melding perfectly with the apple, pumpkin, and cinnamon swirling into a delicious aroma in the small space. It was Remy’s favorite time of the year—warm days and cool nights.
“Are you going to invite me to this bonfire at the beach that Andre is putting together this weekend?” Emma asked.
Remy weaved the pie crust together over the warm apples. “You’re always welcome. But I’m not sure if I’ll be there.”
“Why? You and that man of yours have other plans?” Emma smiled as she teased.
Guilt and pain squeezed her chest. She hadn’t told anyone that she and Mikel had had an argument. It was like he’d dropped off the face of the earth. He hadn’t tried to reach out to her, but neither had she tried to reach out to him. Loving an addict was isolating.
“Remy? Did something happen?” Emma asked, sounding concerned.
“We kinda had a fight. He hasn’t tried to talk to me since.”
“I’m sure he’ll come around. What was the argument about?” Emma asked, wrapping her in a hug.
Remy relaxed into her friend’s arms. She couldn’t give her all the details and betray Mikel’s confidence. He’d asked her to promise to keep his secret. One of many she held inside for him. “It was a week and a half ago.”
“Ahh, Rem. I’m so sorry. What can I do?” Emma asked, backing away to look her in the eyes.
“Just being able to tell you has helped.”
“How about you walk me throughwhat happened? Maybe I can shed some light with my years of dating wisdom.” She laughed, lightening the mood.
Remy searched for the words to cultivate an example without spilling his secrets. “He kinda lied by omission about something. Questions came up and I was afraid of the answers. Someone told me something about him that didn’t make sense.”
“Ummm … okay … Not giving me a whole lot to go on here, are you? Did you try to talk to him about it and see what his explanation was?” Emma asked.
“No. I shut down. I just needed some space to get my head clear. When I’m with him, I’m sucked into all things Mikel. He clouds my mind like a fog.”
Emma smirked. “He puts you in a haze of lust-induced fantasies, I’m sure.”
Remy smacked her friend’s arm playfully, her cheeks growing hot.
“Ouch! Okay, so it sounds like you’re saying you didn’t give him the opportunity to explain. Maybe reach out to him and try to talk it through.”
“I was hoping he would make the first move.”
“Sometimes boys are dumb. They need direction. They do the opposite of what we need and want. Trust me. I have lots of experience in that department.”
Remy smiled, hope bubbling in her belly. Maybe she needed to bite the bullet and be the one to make the first move. Mikel needed her to be strong for him.
* * *
She pulled her car into her driveway, nerves tangling with drunk moths in her stomach suddenly. Mikel’s truck was parked in front.
She walked into the house tentatively as deep, rumbling laughter came from the living room. Mikel sat with her father, having a beer. She nearly stumbled when he turned to face her. The man’s presence was as potent as always, stealing the breath from her lungs. It stirred and blurred the lines around her carefully crafted world into a vortex of raw need.
“You’re home, sweetie. I was just telling Mikel here about the time I found out you were being bullied at school. You told me to not worry about it because your angel had handled it. For so long we thought she’d gone religious.” Her father grinned, turning back to Mikel. “Then Andre said that you’d gotten suspended for getting into a fight with the same boy who had been teasing my little girl. I don’t think I ever got to thank you for that. I never condone violence, but the fact that you stepped in for Remy when I couldn’t be there meant a lot.”
Mikel’s jaw clenched as he smiled. “I’d do anything for her,” he said, stealing the only piece of her heart remaining.
