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She swallowed in the silence that descended upon the room. Her father stood, still wearing his sweater-vest and bow tie from work. “I’ll leave you both to your evening. Have fun. But not too much fun, you hear?” he joked.
“Yes, sir.” Mikel got to his feet and nodded.
Her father kissed her forehead and patted her shoulder. “I’m gonna head out. Promised I would meet your mom for dinner. You’ll have to fend for yourselves.” He grabbed his keys and left them alone. The sound of the door closing quickly was swallowed up by the stillness in the room.
She turned to Mikel as he stepped towards her. Tentatively, she met his gaze, afraid of what she would see there—pain, sorrow … regret?
“Can we talk?” he asked, clenching his fists at his sides.
She nodded, her voice held captive by the war that waged inside her—confusion, hope, and disappointment roiled and tangled, taking up space in her chest.
“I wanted to apologize. I need to explain,” he started.
“What work do you do for Joe?” she asked.
He winced and looked at the ground before meeting her gaze. “I moved some product for him. Collected some debts.” The words scraped from his voice like he had swallowed shards of glass.
Afraid to ask for further details, or of what she might uncover, she asked, “Why did you pay him that money?”
“I owe him a debt.”
She nodded. “You used to be … intimate with that woman?” she asked. White-hot jealousy curled, licking flames of unease in her belly. Please tell me that was a lifetime ago.
He bit his lip and nodded. “I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
His answers seemed earnest. She sighed with some relief. “What did your friend mean? Which drugs are you doing?” If he was going to be open and honest with her, she’d better take advantage of it.
He hesitated before answering, “The pills were oxys. Sometimes I use H, or a little coke here and there if I’m going through a rough patch. The pills help me sleep. Keeps the … flashbacks away. Makes me … feel something besides …” He pounded his fist against his heart. Her eyes narrowed on the fresh cuts and bruising around his knuckles.
“Besides what?” she asked, her hand covering his.
“Empty. Pain. Rage. Hollow. Most of the time I feel like I’m the walking dead. This is why I never wanted to start something with you. Because I’m no good for you. I didn’t want to get you wrapped up in all of this,” he said, his voice breaking, shoulders slumped.
The once-strong warrior before her now seemed defeated. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly in her embrace, trying with all her might to infuse him with everything bright and good.
“The thing is, Remy, I’m too selfish to leave you alone. I tried. For ten days, I’ve tried. But you made me feel happy for the first time in my miserable existence.” The guarded, broken man was letting his walls fall, showing his most vulnerable and aching parts to her. This was what she had wanted. I am getting through to him.
“I love you, Mikel. I love every part of you. Thank you for telling me this, for trusting me. I promise that I’ll always be here for you. You make me feel that way too. I just … want to know that you are going to be safe and try to stop all of this. It’s too dangerous.”
He nodded, his chin rocking against her head. “I will. I’m done. I promise. I want to be the man I see when you look at me. To be able to love you the way you need me to. I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to be better.”
Tears of joy spilled from her eyes. He kissed her forehead.
* * *
That weekend, she snuggled up close to him as the waves roared and crashed in the background. Their siblings and friends all laughed and joked together around the fire pit at the beach. The salty breeze carried the crispness that the changing leaves alluded to. The red glow of the fire cast a comforting warmth around the circle.
Mikel leaned and whispered into her ear, “Remember that night I showed you the stars at this beach?”
A blush crept across her cheeks as she bit her lip and giggled. She whispered back to him, “Shhh, my brother is sitting right next to me. He’ll hear you.”
Seemingly not caring, he kissed a trail from her jaw to her ear, continuing, “I can’t stop thinking about the first time those sweet lips were wrapped around me, the way I came all over you. You’re all mine.”
Good god.The man knew exactly what to say to make her panties wet and have her body burning with a fever only he could cure. She swallowed as the crowd around them blurred into the background noise. Turning to him, she kissed him, soft and slow.
“Hey now! Dude, that’s my little sister,” Andre interrupted.
Mikel backed away from her, laughing. “You know we’ve been dating for months. What are you yapping about?”
