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She wrapped her arms around him comfortingly. “It’s okay. I’m on the pill. I trust you.”
Her words took his breath away. He buried his head in the nape of her neck and squeezed her tightly against his chest.
He couldn’t be a dad. He was a killer, and he carried a monster’s DNA inside him. He couldn’t pollute this pure creature with his darkness. Why hadn’t he used his head? God, I need an oxy. Just to help him clear his mind and think straight.
Don’t do it. Remy’s voice reverberated in his mind. Everything was a jumbled mess again, twisting and tangling into a storm of chaos in his body. Remy probably wanted a family one day. Why hadn’t he thought about that before he’d started this with her?
Because you’re selfish. That’s why.What had he done? How was he going to fix this?
You’ll never amount to anything.
Murderer.
You deserve this pain.
You are nothing but a failure.
You are ugly and weak.
Worthless piece of shit.
I hate you.
I hate me.
He just needed it to all stop. The pain, the confusion, the hollow emptiness, and the shadow of the future looming overhead that threatened his destruction. He had to escape it, just for a little while.
“I need some air.” Mikel stood, pulling a pair of sweatpants on and grabbing a tee in the dark from his drawer.
Remy slid those perfect brown legs out of bed as she reached for her clothes that had been strewn about the room in a lust-induced haze hours ago.
“I’ll come with you,” she said, her tone worried.
She had every right to be. He had just taken advantage of her, used her in the worst way. He was just like his father. The thought made his stomach twist, bile rising in his throat.
“No, baby. You stay here and get some rest. I’ll be fine. I’m just gonna go for a drive and clear my head.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, confusion written across her beautiful features.
He walked over and kissed her forehead, trying to set her at ease. Pulling the facade from one of the many personas living inside the circus that was Mikel Evans. “Yeah, baby. I promise I’ll be okay,” he lied.
“I love you,” she said. The girl was so good and pure. He just tainted her. Taking, always stealing, from her.
“I love you too.” He kissed her on the lips, thieving a little more like the selfish bastard he was before he turned his back and walked away. Before she could see the cracks in his mask. Before she asked him if he intended to use.
He’d already told enough lies for the night.
