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Chapter 21
Remy
The weeks passed slowly. Remy was careful what she brought up to Mikel. His moods were erratic. She supposed that was what she should expect if he was staying clean despite the urges. She tried to make his life as easy as possible wherever she could, not asking for too much, being there for him day and night. She blew off Emma and even Jasmine to hang out with him, which usually involved Mikel and her naked and panting. He didn’t always respond to her texts or calls, but she figured he was busy with work or tired from the long hours and overtime he was putting in as the cold weather drew nearer.
“I’m gonna go shower and then we can get some dinner,” he said, stripping naked before grabbing the towel from his dresser. He wrapped it around his waist and headed along the hall to the bathroom.
Her phone rang. She answered it. “Hello?”
“Hello. Is this Miss Remy Stone?”
“Yes, this is she.”
“This is Monica from Doctor Amir’s office. She wanted me to call you and let you know there has been a recall on the new birth control she prescribed you. I see that your old one was giving you headaches. Would you mind coming in this week and talking through other options with her?”
“Sure, I can do that.”
“Friday at noon work for you?” she asked.
“Yes, that’s fine.”
“Great. See you then.”
She glanced around the room, deciding to tidy while she waited. She picked up the scattered clothing and placed it in the empty basket. Suspicion pulled, tugging her towards the bed. She lifted the mattress. Relief splashed across her chest at finding it bare of bags or pills. Shame that she had been snooping crashed over her.
Shouldn’t she trust him? He had trusted her with so many of his secrets. She walked around to the other side of the bed, her shoulders a million pounds lighter. Making herself useful, she lifted his dirty clothes from the floor.
Smack!
Her heart plummeted at the sight of the white pills, mocking her temporary celebration from the floor. She dropped the clothes in the basket before reaching a shaky hand to pick the offending item up.
He is still using.He’d promised her he was done. Mikel lied to me. Her stomach knotted with indecision. Should she get rid of it and see if he brought it up? Should she put them back and act like she didn’t know? Should she confront him?
“Remy.”
She startled.
Her name was like a plea.
Mikel leaned in the doorway. Rivulets of water dripped down his corded chest, disappearing into the towel hanging low on his hips.
Her whole body trembled. Conflicting desires spun inside her. Confusion. Love. Disappointment. Betrayal. Fear. Hope. Doubt. It all came crashing down, sending her reeling. His presence was potent and powerful. She became hazy and lost, knocked off her axis as the ground beneath her quaked. What was she supposed to believe? How could she help him? Would she hurt him further by standing up for herself? “Y-you told me you were done. You told me that you stopped,” she said, her voice trembling as her eyes burned with unshed tears.
“I did stop—I swear I did.” He shut the bedroom door before sitting on the bed beside her.
“How long have you been using again?” she asked.
“Not long. I just … I needed it to make the nightmares stop. It helps me. I just take a little bit. Just enough to calm my mind down.”
She shook her head. “Mikel, you lied to me. You promised me you were done.”
His hands pressed into her skin, clinging to her as if he was afraid she would walk away and leave him. “Remy, I need them. They help me function.”
It had been easy for her to see someone labeled an addict before and make assumptions about them. They had a problem and needed help. But knowing one personally, seeing all the different layers of them, their potential, their pain, their loving, wholesome, good side, made it that much harder to figure out how to help. “You have to stop. Get rid of them,” she pleaded, knowing it was the right thing to do.
His eyes snapped to her, focused and angry. “You said you would be what I needed. I need someone who will stand by me no matter what. I warned you this wasn’t going to be easy with me. I’m trying to stop, but it’s harder than I thought. I’m weaning myself off.”
She swallowed, remembering the words she’d spoken. If she didn’t follow through, that made her a liar too. Guilt clung to her, wrapped in uncertainty and unease. Nothing about the situation was black and white. She had pored over pages of information online, trying to figure out the best way to help him. To ensure she was as knowledgeable about the issue as possible. She had all the facts and figures, but how did she apply them in real life? “You’re trying to rationalize your addiction.”
