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Chapter 26
Remy
The fall rain drizzled outside her window in the silence—Mother Nature crying for her pain when she no longer could. She tucked her hand to her belly, thankful. At least my child is safe.
Remy snuggled closer to the pillow that smelled of home. Her eyes burned, dry and swollen from emptying all her hopes and dreams for her and Mikel’s future one tear at a time until she was nothing but a hollow, dried-up well. Her body ached. Every muscle was sore and bruised. But nothing compared to the internal bleeding of her heart.
When Mikel had walked out of her hospital room only yesterday, she’d loved him and hated him at the same time. He needed help. She’d learned the hard way that he had to find that himself. He needed to want to be helped.
She was still at risk for a miscarriage, but for now, her baby was alive. She had pled with her parents to keep it a secret. Mikel was in no place to be a father. She wanted more for both him and their baby. He needed to be sober, and she would continue to hold on to the hope that one day, he would. She just prayed he wouldn’t hate her. She was doing what was right for her unborn child.
Her mother came in, preceded by the smell of coffee. She sat across from Remy, taking a sip of the paper cup before setting it on the bedside table.
Her mother’s anger had faded, worry and disappointment taking its place.
“I just want to know why you didn’t tell me he had a problem?” she asked.
Remy sighed. “I thought I was protecting him by keeping his secrets, like I had since we were kids. I stupidly assumed I could help him heal if I loved him enough.”
Her mother nodded, seemingly deep in thought. “Real love doesn’t require you to be someone you’re not, Remy. It doesn’t make you isolate yourself from your support system. Love isn’t selfish. I know you care deeply for him, but what you two had seems more like codependency.”
Remy remained silent, letting her mother speak.
“Do you realize the risks involved for the baby if the person who fathers the child is doing drugs?”
“I would never have my child around that, Mama.” Remy defended herself.
Her mother shook her head. “No, sweetie. I’m talking about fetal addiction. The very DNA is altered. The man’s sperm can be affected directly by the drug use, causing abnormalities. The baby may not even make it to term. If the child does thrive, they are at a high risk for congenital defects of the heart and other cognitive issues.”
Remy struggled for a breath, like the air had been sucked out of the room. “But I never did any drugs.”
“It’s a possibility when either parent uses. But what’s done is done. I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”
Remy’s head was reeling. Hadn’t she just been thankful that at least her child was safe in her belly? The knowledge that her precious baby was still in danger nearly swallowed her whole with preemptive grief. “I’m sorry, Mama.” Tears streamed down her chapped face once more. “I’m so sorry.”
“Shhhh. I’m here, baby. Get some rest. No sense worrying about what we cannot change. We’ll hope for the best, but prepare ourselves for every outcome.”
Remy cried as her mother softly rubbed her head and hummed a soothing melody. She drifted into sleep—her only refuge from the pain.
* * *
Sometime later, there was a knock, waking her.
“Can I come in?” Bently peered through her doorway.
“Yes,” she said, her voice hoarse as she rubbed her eyes, adjusting to the light.
He looked sympathetically towards her as he walked over to the empty chair beside the bed. He had his deputy uniform on, his hat in his hand. Bently was so much like Mikel it hurt to look at him. Bently’s eyes were bright blue instead of the warm chocolate color of his brother’s, so she focused on them.
“How are you feeling?” he asked tentatively.
“I’ve been better.” She forced an empty laugh. Everything was one overwhelming mess of emotions. Her baby could have birth defects. Would she be able to make her dreams come true? Would the man she loved ever get clean? Would he come back? Could she ever get over him if he didn’t? Could she be a single mother? At least the baby was safe for now in her womb.
He stared at her in silence for a moment, as if gathering the courage to say something. “Remy, I’m sorry I didn’t see he had a problem. I should have noticed the signs. He’s always been moody and slept when he was off work. I should have suspected it was something more.”
She shook her head. “He was good at hiding it. Sometimes it’s the people closest that miss it because we don’t want to believe the ones we love are capable of something like that.”
He nodded. “Yeah, but I was supposed to take care of him and Jasmine.”
