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“Is this yours?” she asked, buckling her seat belt.
“Yeah. Got it yesterday.”
She nodded, glancing at the car seat set up in the back. That warm fullness blossomed again in her chest at his efforts. Looking out the window, she asked, “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.” He smirked.
Her belly flipped as memories of riding shotgun in his truck, going on adventures late at night with him, came rushing back.
He reached his hand to cover hers as if sensing her need to be grounded. His touch was tender and warm as yet again his calloused thumb rubbed circles on the fleshy part of her hand, soothing her worries and igniting a fire in her belly.
Large pines and massive cedar trees lined the road on either side of the mountain path. The scenery was familiar as they drove towards the Black Cliffs—the very place she had given her virginity to him.
She hadn’t been back there since. The memories were too painful. It had been easier to focus on the bad rather than the good times when she’d missed him.
“Is this okay?” he asked, studying her.
“I haven’t been here since the first time we …”
“Really?”
She nodded.
“We can go somewhere else if you want,” he offered. The fact that he seemed to care so much about her feelings was a testament to how much he’d changed.
“No, this is fine.” She opened her door and climbed down. The salty breeze mingled with the scent of the evergreens. The parking lot was empty. They were truly alone up here.
Mikel handed her a blanket and a basket from his trunk, as he picked up a bulky case. She followed him towards the same spot they had camped so long ago that it seemed like another lifetime.
He laid the blanket down before she sat. Her eyes stayed glued to his sure movements as he started a fire. The waves crashed in the distance, the almost cloudless sky enabling the moonlight to reflect on the black water below. Once the fire was roaring, he opened the long case and pulled out a telescope.
“Just like old times, huh?” he asked as he sat next to her. “Except this time, I brought stuff for s’mores. Even got gluten-free graham crackers.” He gestured to the basket.
Everything was perfect. He was perfect. It was surreal.
“What are we doing?” she asked hesitantly.
He wrapped his arm around her and let out a long breath. “We’re starting over.”
Hope surged, rippling and radiating in her chest at his words. Uncertainty and fear welled up, blocking her lungs from getting enough air. How long had she waited for Mikel to come stumbling back into her life? She’d wanted more than anything to hear him speak those words. But now she had so much more to lose. How could she trust him? How could she make sure she didn’t fall into her old role of enabling him? Panic set in and she trembled.
“We have a lot to work through between us. We’re different people now, and it’s like we gotta get to know each other all over again. But you need to understand I never stopped loving you. I just had to learn how to forgive myself before I was capable of showing you what it truly means to be loved. I’m ready to do that now, if you’ll let me.”
Her heart raced as his words sunk in. His body was so close, fueling the lust tangling and blurring inside her. An avalanche of sensations swirled within. Everything spun as what he’d said hit her. The cleansing rain of tears streamed down her face, removing the old anger and making room for a new start.
He wiped her cheeks. “Baby, I’m so fucking sorry.” His voice broke as he pulled her into his lap, against his chest. He cradled her as she came apart, letting go of everything she had held inside for so long, purging the bad and allowing herself to remember the good, leaving only the lessons learned.
“I’m sorry too,” she finally said, wiping her eyes on her sleeve as she took a few calming breaths.
He was silent for a few moments, and then he asked, “Why did you let me think she was dead?”
His question wasn’t a surprise, nor was it asked in anger. They were both being open and honest, and she needed to take ownership of her choices.
Remy sat up in his lap to face him and drew a deep breath before admitting what she’d held in her heart for so long. “I knew we couldn’t survive if you found out about her and you continued down that path. If you chose your addiction over your child.”
His expression changed. “I can’t say if it was the right or wrong thing to do. Fact is, it’s done. We just need to decide if we’re willing to pick up the pieces we have left and start again.”
“I’d like that,” she said without hesitation, speaking from her heart, her choice suddenly clear.
