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“Just a sip,” Bently pressed.
She reached for the handle, sealing her lips to the edge of the ceramic as she sipped the dull liquid. Food had lost its taste. The day had lost its brightness. Color had lost its vividness. Nothing was the same. And everything was wrong.
Bently relaxed in the seat, his shoulders lowering. He didn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him.
Knock. Knock.
Belle’s head swiveled to the front door as Bently stood. He cleared his throat and walked over to open the door.
“Dios mio. Bently, I’m so sorry.” Mia’s accent drifted in as Bently widened the door. She walked in with Andre trailing right behind her.
“You doing okay?” Andre asked.
Bently nodded before glancing to her. His friends turned their gazes on her. She didn’t want company. She wanted to be left alone. Irritation boiled.
“Belle, sweetheart.” Mia came over to her, setting a bag on the table before she wrapped her arms around her.
Belle’s chest tightened and her eyes burned.
Mia released her and sat in the chair next to her, gripping her hand. The gesture provided a flicker of comfort.
“You guys, give us some privacy,” Mia called to Andre over her shoulder.
Bently’s brows formed a triangle, looking to Belle as if to make sure she’d be okay.
Belle nodded as Andre wrapped his arm roughly around his friend, pulling him outside the door.
“Not hungry?” Mia asked.
Belle shook her head.
“This will get better. I know you’re in the thick of it right now. It’s all so fresh. But I promise you, it will get easier.” Mia patted her hand.
Anger rose, heating Belle’s veins. “How would you know? All my life I’ve fought for something better. I finally got there. TJ was about to start a life on his own and—and—” Belle choked on the words.
Mia pulled out a bottle of clear tequila and two glasses. She poured them each some and pushed one cup to Belle. “My father was killed in front of me when I was a child by the cartel. My mother . . . she died a little over a year ago, violently, by the hands of the same group. I know what it is to lose someone. To wonder why you should even bother to go on with life. To want to give up.” She shook her head. “But then I realized how selfish that was. That the best way to honor their lives was to live my life to the fullest for them. To laugh three times as hard. To wake up each morning and greet the sunrise for them.” Mia leaned forward. Her brown eyes peered deep into Belle’s soul. “It will take time, but you’ll get there. You’ll want to live again. You’ll feel again. But only if you process this grief. Only if you give yourself the chance to heal.”
Belle was speechless. She’d had no idea that Mia had experienced such loss herself. “It hurts so much.” Belle’s voice cracked.
Mia wrapped her arm around her. “I know, sweetheart. It will for a long time. Some of that hurt will be with you for the rest of your life, but someday you will be able to turn that pain into something beautiful. The ones we loved and lost don’t leave us completely. Every time you feel the sunshine on your skin, it’s him embracing you in a warm hug. Every time the wind rustles through the trees, it is TJ letting you know he’s there. He’s all around you, but most importantly, you are carrying him inside your heart. You loved him. He is a part of you. You’ll always have him with you.” Mia squeezed her shoulder.
Belle blinked back tears. Was he still with her? She’d never been one for religion, or fairy tales of golden gates. But something lifted inside her. The weight bearing on her shoulders lightening just a fraction at the thought of TJ’s spirit watching over her, staying close. “When will it stop hurting?”
Mia gave her a sad smile. “That depends on you. Grief is different for everyone. But the only way to get past it is to go through it.”
“I’m so scared. And so tired. I don’t think I can do it,” Belle admitted, utterly defeated.
“You have a guardian angel watching over you. Let him carry you when you’re too weak to stand. Let him hold you when you fall. Eventually, you won’t need to lean on him so much. But for now, let him be there for you.” Mia’s voice was understanding.
“I can’t feel him here. I’m all alone.” Belle shook her head.
“That man is not going anywhere. Andre dragged him out to make sure he was getting a good meal and some support. He’ll be back.”
Bently? Mia had meant let Bently be here for her, not the ghost of her brother. But he couldn’t. “I don’t deserve him.”
Mia chuckled. “Of course you do. You deserve the world. And that man wants to give it to you. You have to make a choice. Are you going to let this tragedy rip you apart, or use it to make you stronger as a unit?”
Belle remained silent as she contemplated her life. Everything she’d fought through to get here, all the things she’d sacrificed. If she gave up now, they would all be in vain. She imagined TJ sitting in the empty chair next to her, his headphones in, scribbling in his notebook. His goofy smile as he looked up at her, admiration shining in his eyes. Her chest squeezed. She wanted to make him proud. She needed to make his sacrifice count. She’d do right by him. “I want to live for TJ.”
