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Mia picked up the glass and lifted it to her with a kind smile. “To TJ. May he rest in peace and never be forgotten. We celebrate the time we had with our loved ones. May we honor them with our lives.”
Belle picked up her glass and clinked hers with Mia’s before swallowing the liquid. She coughed as the liquor burned her throat.
“Another?” Mia asked.
Belle nodded. She’d drink to TJ. She’d take another breath for him until she could do it for herself. She’d push forward and never give up.
And she wouldn’t let his death be in vain.
Chapter 48
Belle
The hot water sluiced over Belle’s raw skin. She stood, pushing through the aching emptiness with the hope that someday it would dull. For now, she’d allow herself to fall apart. Then, she’d get back up. Just as she’d always done.
She turned off the water and wrapped herself in a towel. Her things had slowly begun to be unpacked, returned from Bently’s. She dried off and brushed her teeth and hair before walking into the bedroom. Bently was sitting at the edge of her bed, his face in his hands. She’d never seen him look more defeated. And part of it is my fault.
“I keep going into his room expecting him to be there,” she said, just above a whisper.
Bently looked up at her, devastation written across the shadows of his face.
“Sometimes I swear I hear music. Or that damn basketball bouncing . . . It still feels like I can call his name and he’ll answer me.” Her voice shook and fresh tears streamed down her cheeks.
Bently grimaced, his jaw clenching. “I’m sorry—”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I said things I didn’t mean. I blamed you because you were here.”
Bently shook his head.
She drew closer, kneeling in front of him. She placed her hands on his knees and looked into blue eyes coated in shame. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it was!” His voice cracked, tears glistening.
“How? Did you pull the trigger?”
“I failed him. I promised to protect him and now he’s dead. I tried so hard to be everything, to be the best leader, to run my unit—but I couldn’t—I should have . . . maybe if—”
“There was nothing you could have done.”
“I knew Parsons . . . that he was biased. He’d make jokes about women or minorities. It was just ribbing, locker room talk. I’d grown up hearing the same comments. I never thought it was a big deal . . . Now I see how wrong I’d been. How my silence made it acceptable. By not speaking up, maybe I encouraged his behavior. I should have stopped it.” Bently’s shoulders slumped.
She placed her hand on his cheek, his rough stubble scratching her skin. “It’s not your fault. You brought TJ friendship and happiness. He’d never want you to beat yourself up over this. You spent your life carrying guilt and responsibility that wasn’t yours. Don’t take this too. This isn’t yours to bear. This is on Parsons.”
He jerked, shaking his head violently.
She grabbed his face in both her hands, forcing his eyes to meet hers. “Don’t do this. Don’t run from me. Choose me.”
“I’m no good for you. I come from the devil himself. Everything I touch gets destroyed. I’m not enough.” His words said one thing, and his eyes another. “But I want to be, Belle. I want to be so bad it hurts.”
“You’re nothing but good, Bently Evans. You’ve been surrounded by darkness your whole life and still you shine so much brighter than you realize. You’re not the devil—you’re the moon. You’re my guiding light.”
He blinked as a single tear fell down each side of his face.
“Give me your hurt. Give me your guilt. Cast it all on me. I can take it. We can be strong together, leaning on one another. Let me love you.” She pressed her lips to his, halting his reply.
He hesitated only a moment before his hands pulled her tighter against him. She tore at his shirt, letting her towel fall to the ground. He pulled down his pants, leaving them in a pile on the floor. His body slammed onto hers. Their touches were frantic and needy. They were kindred spirits, stuck in a storm of grief, tumbling and plunging through the darkness they’d been born into. But together, they burned bright and hot. United, they lit up like a thousand suns.
His hands gripped and roamed, burning, searing her skin. Need enveloped her, washing away everything with its cleansing fire. Lips caressed hers, taking and giving all at once. Kissing him made it hurt a little less. She raked her fingernails over his back, pulling him closer, greedy and desperate. Electricity flashed and splintered through her as he thrust into her in one quick surge.
