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“I love you, Finn, with all of my heart. But I can’t do this anymore. Not if you’re not going to get help and change for the better. It’s not safe.” She pressed a hand over her belly, hoping he would understand.
He shook his head, falling to his knees. “No, baby, please. I’ll go. I’ll do whatever I have to, to make this work. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I want to believe you. But right now, these are just pretty words that you’ve promised before. Your actions haven’t lined up with them long-term.” She closed her eyes, her own heart breaking, smashing to smithereens as she said the words she never thought would leave her mouth. “I want you to move out.”
Finn stood, his hands cupping her face, panic and pain bleeding from his eyes in the first tears she’d seen him shed in their whole marriage. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room, replaced with chemicals that stung and burned, slowly poisoning her to death.
“You want a divorce?” He blinked, shock and disbelief marring his expression. He shook his head and begged. “No, sweetheart. Please. I love you.”
She shook her head and leaned her cheek against his. Their hot tears melded together. “Show me. Show me you love me by loving yourself and getting help. This doesn’t have to be the end. But I can’t keep going on like this.” She kissed him, infusing her last spark of faith in him into the joining of their mouths.
Finn held the back of her head like he wasn’t ready to let go. This was goodbye. For now, at least. Maybe forever. She hadn’t given up on him. But right now, she’d have to love him from afar.
He tipped his forehead to hers. His shoulders sank in defeat. “Stay with my parents. I don’t like the idea of you staying here alone. Not when he’s out there. I want you to be safe.”
“I’ll be fine.”
He backed up, letting his arms drop to his sides. “Look, you can be mad at me and think I’m an asshole, but there’s no way I’m leaving you vulnerable. I’m not running away this time . . . I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.” He held up a hand to halt her rebuttal. “I’ll leave in the morning. But not until I have a security system installed. Like it or not, baby, I love you. And I’ll respect your wishes. But you are my wife first and foremost, and I will protect you. When I’m assured you are safe, as much as it kills me, I’ll do what you need. Because I do love you. And I’m gonna prove it to you.”
She blinked, staggering back a step. His words should have felt like relief, but they were bittersweet. How could she trust they were anything but half-empty promises?
He walked away, disappearing down the stairs. Her belly flipped. She hoped he really did it this time. But sometimes butterflies and red flags felt scarily similar.
40
Charli
Seven days. It had been one, long week since Charli had heard Finn’s footsteps in the entryway or the rumble of his motorcycle from the garage. He’d left her the car and had Bently pick him up after the security system was installed and tested. Claire and Zeke had insisted she take the week off after they’d heard about what happened. Needless to say, she’d gotten a lot of cross-stitching done.
Charli pushed her feet on the rocking foot stool that had come with the glider she’d purchased for the nursery. Everything was put together. The walls were decorated with woodland animals. A mobile with stars hung above the crib that Finn had stayed up two nights to complete. The drawers were stocked full of tiny clothes and diapers.
The baby kicked, making her suck in a breath and wrap her warm palm over her belly. “Ouch. You got your daddy’s strength, that’s for sure.”
Her smile faded as she inhaled shakily. Her whole life, she’d never wanted to end up like her mother. Charli was terrified she’d repeat the same mistakes. Would she have those maternal instincts? Finn had thought so. Before his accident, he’d convinced her she would be amazing. She hadn’t believed him one hundred percent, but with him by her side, she’d felt unstoppable.
And now it’s just me. She closed her eyes, trying to keep the emotions at bay. Twenty-seven weeks into her pregnancy, it was getting harder to do. How many times can I lose the same man? The destruction of her heart and the constant vicious ache was almost worse than when she’d thought he wouldn’t wake up from his coma. Because this time, she wasn’t hoping for a medical miracle outside her control. This time, she’d given everything to save him and it hadn’t been enough.
She patted her stomach where a little hand or foot thudded. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, buddy. But I’ll give you my best. And we’ll figure out the rest together as it comes.”
Knock. Knock.
Her eyebrows knit together. “Who could that be?” Charli leaned forward, struggling a little bit to get up from the moving chair. The knocks repeated as she reached the doorknob. Is it Finn? Was she ready to see him? Drunken moths of indecision spun her up and fluttered in her belly.
“Coming.” As soon as she opened it, the unease settled. “Claire.”
Her mother-in-law smiled and held out a covered dish. “Hey, sweetheart. I brought you some food.” Claire kissed Charli’s cheek and entered as Charli moved to the side to let her in.
Charli’s phone rang from her pocket, the security company calling. “Hello?”
“Hello, ma’am. The silent alarm was tripped in your home, and we wanted to see if you were safe?”
“Oh, yes. I forgot to shut it off when I answered the door.” Charli shut and locked the front before entering the code into the gadget by the entrance.
“That’s not a problem. I will cancel the emergency services as soon as you give me the passphrase.”
Charli closed her eyes, a pang of tortured pain splintering through her at the one Finn had chosen. “Compass.”
“Perfect. Have a great day, Mrs. Reed.”
