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Or she’d be triggered because of her brother.
Then maybe she would be brave enough to share the few missing pieces he didn’t have.
Sarah’s gaze cut to the horse. “What about Cricket?”
He stilled, his eyes shifting to the horse that wandered nearby. One side of his mouth quirked up. Of course she would name the dang thing. She had grown far too close to the horse. If only she felt the same thing for him.
Dax moved past her, not liking the way she jumped away from him. Her defenses were up. Everything about her had closed down so he couldn’t penetrate the walls she’d erected. He uncinched the saddle and slung it over his shoulder. “I’ll be right back. We can let her stay out here for a few hours before we take her back to her stall.
Each step he took toward the barn, he went over what he’d say. This didn’t have to be hard. He just had to suck it up and tell her exactly what happened and how he’d grown from it. So why was coming up with the words so difficult?
His boots rested heavily against the packed earth. First tell her he was in AA. That would hopefully help ease the ache that would come from hearing how close he’d come to killing someone with his own reckless habits. He was healing and improving.
And if she didn’t want to share her story with him? What then? Could he be content with that? He’d once thought that he couldn’t allow secrets to be between himself and the woman he loved. But if it came to losing Sarah, he might have to put those desires aside.
Dax placed the saddle on a bar, then rested his palm against a post nearby, feeling the rough texture of the wood grain. There was a part of him that could feel the shift in the air. Hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as if telling him he should think this over.
It was too late. He was going to tell her because that’s what needed to happen.
When he returned to the corral, Sarah was tracing her fingers through Cricket’s mane. The smile on her face warmed him, easing his anxiousness. She looked up at him, her smile more strained but still present.
He jerked his head toward the trails. Sarah hugged Cricket once more and then headed toward him. They walked for several minutes without speaking and the silence dragged on. Dax grasped her hand, lacing his fingers within hers.
“I can’t help but feel that if we were more open about certain things, we might be able to make this relationship work.”
Sarah pressed her lips tightly in a thin line. She didn’t look up at him but remained focused on the path.
“I’ve made it clear how I feel about you. I want you to stay in my life.”
She sighed. “And I’ve been upfront about my plans. You’re putting me in a position I don’t like. Can we just be happy with the time we’ve spent together?”
As much as he tried to brush off that last statement, he couldn’t. Dax turned to face her. “I’m in AA.”
Her lashes fluttered and she blinked. “What?” Confusion filled her features. “What does that have anything to do with—”
“About six years ago, I went out with some friends and we drank—a lot. I thought I was okay to drive…”
Sarah’s eyes widened, and she grimaced.
“I got in an accident.”
She shook her head and stepped away from him, holding up both hands. “Wait, so you’re telling me you drove while incapacitated. Did youkillsomeone?”
He closed the distance between them, shaking his head vehemently. “No. The guy in the other car was hurt pretty bad, but he recovered.” He grimaced. “That experience and Eve passing away was why I had to get sober. I didn’t want to tell you because of what happened to your brother.” His voice cracked and his stomach lurched, as if he were falling from an immeasurable height.
Sarah pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a shaky breath. “You probably shouldn’t have told me,” she murmured before lifting her gaze to his.
Here it was. This was the moment he’d been dreading. It didn’t change the fact that telling her had been the right thing to do, but almost immediately after he’d said it, he’d regretted every word.
“I think it’s great that you were able to make a change.” Her features faltered and she tore her gaze away from his, refusing to meet his eyes. “If we don’t learn from our mistakes, we can’t become better people.”
“But?”
She let out a shaky breath. “But something like that is hard for me to get over.”
Her flat voice drifted toward him as if they were both in a tunnel. He couldn’t trust his ears to translate what she was saying with accuracy. This couldn’t be happening. Sarah wasn’t like that. She didn’t judge people like that.
Sarah gnawed on her lower lip. “I’m sorry, Dax. If there was even a slim chance that I could stay or come back, I think that… disappeared.”
