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He kept referring to her baby as an “it.”
She pushed her foot down on the gas. The air between her two back windows created a wind tunnel behind her, the faster she went down the highway, but there was no getting those windows up. Lacy had teased her about her old dinosaur Chevrolet Cavalier made back in the caveman times of 2004. She’d driven the car in college, and she’d been working too hard this past year to buy anything new.
One of those strange ironies, since she could certainly afford something better after all those promotions Lacy had given her! He’d vowed to shower her with cherry red convertibles if she truly wanted that windblown look she got from her broken windows.
Cadence cringed, glad Lacy hadn’t. She didn’t want to be more tied to him than she already was. Would he buy her story that this baby wasn’t his? It didn’t seem like he had.
She had no idea where she was going. Signs on the highway alerted her to the fact that it was splitting two different directions—one way to Kentucky, the other to Virginia.
As she reached the fork, she took a deep breath and chose Virginia.
Sandbridge Beach was over there. One of her foster families had tried to go there on vacation once. The car kept breaking down. They’d never made it, but the beach seemed like the perfect dream vacation. She’d talked about going there while she was in college, and then just kind of put it off. Funny that she’d been all over the world with Lacy and she didn’t have any memories of going anywhere nicewithouthim.
She was about to change that now, show the world, even herself that she was worth something. Could she do it?
The heat of her tears burned down her cheek. In a way, what Lacy had done was worse than what anyone else had done to her—sure, she’d been neglected before, belittled, even abused, but he’d tricked her, made her believe for a moment that she could be something more than a worker bee buzzing around, a slave to survival and for the building up of a society that others were meant to enjoy with their rich heritage and progeny. Thatshecould have feelings and–and a family that she could call her own? How ridiculous.
Anger filled her, more at herself than anything. Why had she let her hopes get so out of control? How could she think that she could have any of those normal things that other people had?
Before she realized what was happening, her mournful cries filled her car, though most of her sobs were lost in her car’s noise. She should’ve seen what was really between her and Lacy from the beginning—a big fat, hollow and shallow nothing that left her feeling emptier than before she’d met him. She could let out her miseries now.
No one could hear. She was alone. Yes, always alone.
And now with a child to take care of?
He wanted her to get rid of “it.” That was clear. In a way, that would be so easy, just drive to a state that had no restrictions on these kinds of things and then afterwards, pretend like this had never happened, go back to her life the way it was beforehecame into it.
She thought about her baby’s small hands clasped around Mousy. She’d imagined them earlier, and they’d felt so real… they were so real.
Nothing will ever get in the way of my love.
That had been her promise to her baby, hadn’t it? Sure, she’d felt more secure when she’d first made that vow, and now there were so many uncertainties, but that only made her word that more valuable. This child didn’t deserve to be the one she took out her resentment and humiliation on, or–or even her fear and inadequacies, just as she’d never deserved the treatment she’d gotten when she’d been too young to fight back.
That same protective impulse surged through her for this unborn child. There was a life in her, as surely as she’d felt anything, she knew that she’d felt this life and she knew this child intimately. None of it made sense, and it didn’t have to—the present and the future melded into one as she looked forward nine months from now, two years, five, ten, eighteen, to weddings, grandchildren and who knew what else?
Lacy didn’t control what happened to her or to her child now.
God did.
Oh wow. Where did that thought come from? Cadence had never been particularly religious, but there were times like these where she’d felt a strength beyond her own—like when she’d hugged Mousy and let herself be comforted.
Cadence didn’t deserve how Lacy had treated her—she’d never be someone he could victimize again. She’d show him that she was worth something.
No forget him, she’d showherself!He didn’t matter anymore.
She’d never think about taking the “easier” route again, though in all reality, trying to bury this wasn’t the easier way, was it? She’d never be so naïve to believe that trying to extinguish a life separate from her own wouldn’t cause more emotional trauma than what she was experiencing now.
I’m strong! And for now, baby, I’ll be strong enough for the two of us. You’ll never feel the way that I do now. Honey, you can trust me. I won’t let you down.
She drove through the night, her thoughts rushing chaotically through her disappointment, fear, and regrets, to this child and what the future would bring for them both. She had savings. She was clever. And even if she lacked anything, there were safety nets for women in her situation.
I’m not alone. I’m not.
She noticed that the gas was almost on empty. She groaned, watching the signs for the nearest stop. If she had known, she would’ve stopped at Charleston behind her. Would she actually run out of gas on top of everything? After driving for at least a half an hour, she read the sign of the town coming up.
“Harvest Ranch. Ten miles away.” Her mind rang at the name. What were the odds of that? Emily had talked about the beloved small town where she’d moved. She said that her brother had found his second chance there.
Population: 3,500.
