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“I know.”
“You said I’d be safe here.” I hadn’t meant to say it, but the words came tumbling out.
“I know.”
“I wasn’t safe.”
“I’m sorry.” He sounded so sincere, so disappointed.
We were quiet for a long moment as I contemplated the whole thing. They’d asked me to risk my life by seeing my father, but I was already risking my life by simply being here. If there was already one shifter in town who wanted him dead, what was to prevent there from being more? I couldn’t protect myself. If he hadn’t shown up, I’d be dead.
We’d both be dead.
The thought felt like a lead weight sitting in my stomach. Dread seeped into my bones.
I couldn’t let that happen. “I want to learn to how to protect myself.”
Luke straightened. “What?”
“You heard me.” I lifted my chin, trying to look confident and demanding. If the aching in my jaw and behind my eyes was any indication, I was guessing I looked like someone who had the shit beat out of her. Not exactly exuding confidence. But that was why I had to make the changes.
There was no self defense in Copper Springs. There was only run free with your wolf and enjoy being in nature. At least, if you were a female. I knew some of the males trained for patrols and I had to guess they had experience fighting and defending. The rest of us were at their mercy.
I was tired of being dependent on others. I was tired of pretending my freedom was anything other than an illusion. “Next time this happens, I need to be able to save myself.”
“There won’t be a next time. I swear to you.” He said it with such power, such fortitude, that it sent a rush of heat through me. I could feel that promise and I knew he’d keep it. What choice did he have? If I died, he did too. It was the same as protecting himself.
“You can’t always protect me,” I said. “And when this bond is broken and we go back to our own lives, I want to be able to keep myself safe.”
The muscles in his temple fluttered as he tensed his jaw. I could tell he was weighing my words and that he wanted to say something, but he seemed like he was holding back. Finally, he nodded. “After you heal. But you have to allow yourself to shift.”
My chest tightened, and I fought against the rising panic. I knew that was part of it. I knew being a wolf would give me more benefits, but it was so hard to open myself back up to that part of my life.
“Zoe told me why you’re afraid to shift,” he said.
“Dammit, Zoe,” I cursed.
“Don’t blame her, she was worried. And she had a right to be worried,” he said.
“She doesn’t know what it’s like. And neither do you,” I pointed out.
“I don’t, you’re right. But I do know that if your wolf doesn’t get out regularly, she’ll die and take you with her.”
“And that would be detrimental to you and your plans,” I snapped.
His expression darkened. The tenderness and understanding between us dissolved in an instant. “Shut me out all you want, but if you want my help, you have to shift. I won’t teach you to fight without that wolf healing.”
I rested my chin on my knees and looked down at my bare feet. In the few heartbeats of silence, I felt my wolf stirring, as if she was begging me to give in. I knew it was the right choice, but that didn’t make it any easier.
“Zoe had to bring you back,” he said.
I looked up, the confusion must have been clear on my face because he continued, “she had to resuscitate you. You died on my kitchen counter.” He looked furious and I could feel the anger rolling from him in waves.
That meant he nearly died. My attacker had nearly succeeded after everything. My heart felt like it stopped beating. The thought of Luke facing death because of me was too much.
I tried to find anger at the fact that this whole thing came down to him and his life, but I couldn’t. I needed him to live just as much as he wanted to stay alive.
It was wrong. And I was broken. But it was how I felt.
