AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“To his credit, he never said he wouldn’t. You told me he said he’d worry about that when she got older.”
Okay, fine. Maybe Corey would give Amelie that chance. She’d lessen her irritation about that, at least.
“I don’t see the big deal about visiting her grave. Giving her that small recognition for the day. Not me. I don’t want that. I don’t want…I love Amelie, but I’m not her mother. I’m not…I don’t even know what Corey and I are. How can he think of me as her mother when I don’t even know what’s between us?”
“Well, shit, sis, that’s something you gotta ask him.” Oliver dropped his arms and sighed. “Look, when I investigated him, I did a thorough-ass job. Like you asked me to. I told you most of everything. I imagine today isn’t an easy day.”
“Why? I mean, I know his mom passed away, but…tell me.”
“He started doing drugs as soon as she passed. Two days after her funeral, he got locked up with heroin possession and assault. He’d had a squeaky clean record before that. Good grades, no trouble in school. He took her death hard. I imagine when he thinks about what a mother is, he compares it to what his mother was to him. Someone who was always there for him. Melanie wasn’t for Amelie. He’s never going to see her as one. You have been. Since the beginning. Albeit, he wasn’t always a fan of you, but you’ve always been there for Amelie.”
Damn it. When Oliver put it that way, it made some sense.
Oliver reached out and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “If you want things to work between you two, you’re going to have to put Melanie to rest. You’re going to have to find some common ground about it. Not just you, but him as well. If he can’t do that for you, he’s not worth it.”
She let her brother pull her into his arms. She hated everything he said but knew it was all true.
Instead of going home to wallow, she stopped at the floral shop and went to the place she had wanted to go with Corey and Amelie. Sitting cross-legged on the grass, her eyes watered as she stared at the plaque in the ground. Simple and plain. Melanie’s full name, date of birth, and date of death. Genevieve was so grateful she had found out about Melanie’s death and her body hadn’t been tossed to the side as insignificant. That she had been able to find her a cheap plot and bury her as she deserved. Nobody else would’ve cared to do it. All unclaimed and unknown bodies went to Hart Island, and she had refused to let that happen to her best friend. Being buried amongst the other lost souls that nobody seemed to care about.
She set the roses she had purchased near the stone plaque. She wished she had the money to buy her a headstone, but all the other costs had built up and this was all she could afford.
“I’m sorry I failed you. That I wasn’t there for you like I should’ve been. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t even come to me about Amelie. That we had grown so far apart that it didn’t even cross your mind. I mean, maybe it did cross your mind. I hope it did. What was it? Fear? Embarrassment? That I’d judge you?”
Genevieve let out a sigh and wiped a tear away. “I wouldn’t have judged you for getting pregnant. I know we fought a lot when you would get better and then start doing drugs again. I know I judged you for that. That I thought I knew better for you. I thought it’d be easier than what you were making it seem. That you could quit and life would be so much better for you. But it never was. Not on drugs, not off of it. I’m sorry that I thought I understood what you were feeling. I had no clue. I still don’t. I’ll never know what you were thinking and feeling and I won’t pretend to know. As your best friend, I feel like I should know.”
Noise to her right had her stopping. A couple was kneeling in front of a headstone, setting flowers down on it as she had. More people paying respect to their loved ones. Were they as sorry for things as she was? Did they regret too much as she did?
She turned away from staring, not wanting to draw attention to herself, and waited quietly until they left before she continued.
“Your daughter is amazing. Beautiful and smart and already a rambunctious little girl. Just like you. I now know Corey would hate it if I said that. So I won’t. I don’t like fighting with him. You made a mistake leaving her like that. He hates you for it. I made a mistake in the beginning with him and he’s forgiven me.” She rested her hand on the ground as a sob tore free. “I so wish you had a chance at his forgiveness. I know he’d eventually do it because he’s a good man. He’s a fair one. He doesn’t judge right away. Not like I did. I love him, Melanie. I don’t know if I should admit that to you, but I do. So much it hurts that we left things like we did this morning. Did you love him? Or was it sex like he says it was for him?”
She brushed the tears away as they fell steadily down her cheeks. “Here I am judging again, but I imagine it was only sex for you, too. He was a manwhore before Amelie and you were a womanwhore.” She laughed. “You know it’s true, so don’t deny it. You called yourself one all the time. You loved men and they loved you.”
A short breath came out. “Is it okay if I love him? Is it okay if I…if I raise Amelie? Will you hate me? I mean, I’m jumping the gun on the raising part. Corey might not want me to even watch Amelie anymore. He was pretty mad at me. But you know, if he forgives me, will you mind? I swear I’ll do better by her than I did with you. I won’t screw up this time.”
A gust of wind made her shiver, blowing some of her hair in her face. She looked around, noting the cemetery was empty besides her. At least no one was witnessing her complete meltdown.
“Was that you? Blowing the random wind at me. Telling me no. No, you don’t forgive me. No, I can’t love Amelie like a mother. No, don’t be with Corey. Because if it was, I understand that. I understand why more than I ever understood you before. I love you, Melanie. I’m sorry your life was cut too short. You deserved more than what life threw at you.”
Genevieve sat quietly, letting the sun shine on her, letting the now-not-so-random gusts of wind blow on her face, whipping her hair around.
When a yellow butterfly appeared out of nowhere and landed on the plain stone plaque, she broke down. Heavy sobs erupted. The tears streamed down like a waterfall, gushing and pounding until her chest ached and her head hurt.
She had no more tears to release. She’d finally, for the first time since Melanie’s death, cried her grief for her. She left the cemetery knowing her friend had forgiven her for everything. That she’d given her blessing in whatever path she took with Corey.
Because butterflies had been Melanie’s favorite and Genevieve could only take that as a sign her friend had been with her. Heard her and forgiven her.
* * *
“You’ve beennursing that beer half the afternoon and still haven’t told me what happened with Genevieve?” Ricky held up his hand when Corey opened his mouth to retort with something he would’ve regretted. “I know something happened, and I know when you get like this it’s not good to leave you alone. You and space don’t mix well.”
Corey turned away from his brother’s knowing, pity-filled—maybe compassionate—eyes. Or should he stick with his gut and say it was pity? Although that wasn’t fair to his brother. He had been there for him the first two years he started drugs. Gone for the next three because of a misunderstanding, and now he was back. Always there. Always supportive.
So yeah, damn it, it was compassion in his eyes and not pity. Well, he didn’t want either. He wanted to sit here and wallow in silence, hold the piss-ass warm beer, and not think about anything that happened this morning.
“I’m not going to leave you alone. Not this time. When Mom died—”
“Don’t go there.” Corey swung his gaze to him, his eyes narrowed, his hand so tight around the beer bottle he was damn close to crushing it.
