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“They all told you what to do?”
He shook his head. “I am an expert at reading people. I know what they want. What they need.” He lowered his head for a moment. “I don’t know what I want. I have never asked myself the question.”
“And…and now?”
“I want you,” he said, raising his gaze, his eyes locking with hers. “On my terms. If you want an arrangement, I’ll give you one. You, in my bed until the deal is finalized at Barrows. In the end, when we part ways, perhaps if it is agreeable to you, you could take a slightly larger share of the product.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m not letting you buy me. If you want me…if you want me, then maybe. But I want to be more than a convenience. More than just someone you thought you could get easily because of our situation. I don’t want to be someone you feel…entitled to.” It was the one thing she couldn’t deal with. That he would feel like he owned her, this moment, for some reason.
“My confession has given you second thoughts?” He released his hold on her.
She bit her lip. “I could say no, but it would be a lie.”
“Come inside.” He pulled a card out of his pocket and slid it through the reader. It, of course, turned green and released the lock on the first try.
She followed him into the room. Her heart pounding hard, her legs shaking. Because she didn’t know what he would get her to agree to. Her body ached. It wanted, regardless of what her mind thought.
He unbuttoned the collar of his shirt, then his sleeves, and turned to face her. It was dark in the room, except for one lamp by the bed, casting everything in a strange, dim glow that made it all seem unreal.
“If you decide you want me, then there would be rules.”
“What rules?”
“You will learn to please me. You will learn what I want. And you will give it me. Your primary goal will be my pleasure. I have never had a lover, Julia, and now that I have decided to take one, it will be on my terms.”
“And what about my pleasure?” she asked, privately thinking that no matter what he did, it would pleasure her.
She should be running the other way. This was so many leagues beyond her. A man like him, well-versed in sex, but with no idea how to please himself.
She didn’t know how to please him, either. And she was a mass of total confusion. On the one hand, she was attracted to him. And that was probably clouding her judgment big time. But mixed with that was the desire to heal him. To give to him where all anyone else had done was take.
Because she understood. How desperately lonely it was when people only used you. And for him, so much worse. A lifetime spent alone on the street. Alone in bed with strangers. Alone at the top of his success.
She also understood how important it was to choose your lover. Part of her was relieved it was happening like this. Not in the heat of the moment, but with a pause for discussion. With a definitive answer from both sides. It made her feel powerful. Made her feel in control. She imagined Ferro felt the same, and shouldn’t it be that way? Shouldn’t both parties want it?
Maybe they could help each other feel less alone. If only for a little bit.
Added to that, being told what to do could only be a help to her. She was after experience, after all. After a little training. And it helped make her not feel quite so afraid of doing the wrong thing. If she was following orders, she couldn’t mess it up.
It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him she’d never had a lover, either. But then she didn’t. There wasn’t enough room for both of their baggage. And she had a feeling that he was on the verge of sending her away. Of retreating into his rules, behind his walls of control.
“And what will you want from a lover?” she asked.
He began to pace, his hands clasped behind his back, his movements smooth and sleek, dangerous like a predatory cat. “Do you want to know? I will not smooth the truth for you. If you want this, you are agreeing to take me. All of me. As I am.”
“Tell me first. Then I’ll decide.”
“I think my lover’s pleasure is important to me,” he said. “You are in luck there. I’ve no interest in taking without giving back.”
