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I swallowed hard, closed the door behind me, and strode to the front door, my steps hurried. I clutched my laptop and raced upstairs, taking comfort in the only thing I could right now…the fact that both Nick and Caleb were leaving.
I closed my bedroom door and pressed my spine back against it. Footsteps thudded up the stairs, lingering outside my door before they continued. I tracked the sound all the way to his bedroom.
Beep.
My cell vibrated. I grabbed it from my pocket, finding a message from Gio.
Gio: You okay?
I winced, hating how he and the rest of the entire school saw what had happened.
Yeah, pain in the ass big brothers. I’m home now, and fine.
I waited for the response. I didn’t have to wait long.
Gio: Didn’t look like a big brother kind of thing, Ryth. More like a jealous boyfriend kind of thing.
I stared at the message and didn’t know what to say. In the end, I hedged.
All good, I'll talk to you tomorrow Gio.
But the truth was, I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. They didn’t understand what it was like living in this house.They didn’t understand me.I wasn’t afraid of them, not anymore. Whatever had shaken free when I first came here was now something else. Something just as ungrateful damaged…and out of control.I glanced at my door, just like they were.
But I understood something now, something I hadn’t understood before.
Something about me triggered something in them. I didn’t understand it. I didn’t like it, but I sure as hell felt it. I'd seen it in Nick’s eyes today and seen it in Tobias’ last night when he had his hand around my throat. They were drowning in pain…swept away by grief, and for some reason, they were clawing me, tearing me apart, desperate to feel something.
I made them feel.
Desperation.
Anger.
Lust.
All of it.
I glance at Gio’s message as I made my way to the desk, looking at themore like a jealous boyfriend kind of thing.
A boyfriend. Is that how they saw themselves? I thought of Tobias and the hate and rage in those dark eyes. A boyfriend…maybe with Nick, but not with him. I didn’t think Tobias saw himself as anything but the bad guy. Maybe he just needed someone to show him he was wrong?
I set up my laptop, then cracked open my bedroom door and checked the hall before making my way downstairs to the kitchen. I made myself something to eat and grabbed a glass of orange juice before making my way upstairs once more. The grunts and groans of sex echoed from under Tobias’ door.
I stopped, listening. For a second, I thought he had someone in there, until I realized there wasn’t anyone else…just Tobias…watching porn.My cheeks burned as I made my way to my room and closed the door behind me.
I tried to settle, tried to focus on my assignment, but my gaze kept moving to the door. I wanted to know what he looked at, wanted to know what made him excited. I wanted to step onto his room and touch his things.
I wanted to touch him.
I swallowed hard, bit down on the sandwich, and took a gulp of juice to wash it down, then l forced myself to work. I worked until it was dark and I finally heard the sound of an engine before I rose from my seat and stretched. I was making headway in small steps, gathering the information I needed to plead my case.
If I had a solid day to get the rest of this together…
I glanced toward the door. If I had a day or two at home, I’d finish this and maybe…maybe I’d be able to see dad. I stepped out of my room and quietly made my way past Tobias’ room, knocking gently on Nick’s door.
“Yeah?” he called.
I opened the door and stepped in, closing it softly behind me. He was hunched over the keyboard, watching some kind of stock exchange I’d never seen before.
