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“I think so,” Gia nodded as the jukebox played “Ring of Fire,” and the A/C pumped out its standard-issue semi-musty air. They were on the verge of becoming regulars at the coffee shop, which was not the worst thing in the world to become a regular at. It was better than some of the other regular habits Gia had picked up.
“I actually got the text about the stroke when we were here.”
“Ah, the first time you just up and disappeared. I wondered what that was about.”
“Yeah.” Roxi refocused and eyes the color of coffee met Gia’s. There was in pain in Roxi’s eyes. Fear, mixed with worry. Her forehead rumpled, revealing a V indentation over the bridge of her nose.
“I’m sorry, Rox. But it makes me wonder, again—why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because, I was hopeful we were goingsomewhere. I hoped you thought that, too. And then we kissed and—I don’t know—” Roxi’s voice trailed off. She didn’t need to say anything else. The crack in her smooth as whiskey voice said it all.
“Okay, I get it.” Gia reached across the table for Roxi’s hand. A peace offering. “You don’t have to talk about it. But you can—if you want.”
“I’m good. What’s going on with you, aside from mama drama?”
“Not much.” Gia shrugged. “Work, meetings, climbing at the park when I can. Trying to figure out my life’s purpose. Nothing major.”
That last partwasmajor. And those things were true. But she left out that she’d been obsessing on why Roxi disappeared and if they were ever really friends; if she made up an attraction because she met another lesbian and therefore, they should be together. Gia omitted the fantasies where they were on top of a sage-covered mountain, snuggled on a blanket with a glass of wine—because she wasn’t an addict in her fantasies—watching the sun set over an endless sea. Never mind you couldn’t see the ocean in Palm Springs, there was an ocean as far as the eye could see. On the blanket they were witness to a sky full of fury, creating the kind of sunset that only appears in photographs. In the fantasy, it was theirs, chilled Pinot Gris cooling their bodies as they sipped and laughed, heads tossing back with reckless abandon only found between two people who were meant to be. But that wasn’t reality. Not even close. Ghosting has a way of fast-forwarding reality.
“And?”
“What?”
“What’s your life’s purpose?” Roxi was twirling the end of her ponytail around her index finger. Was she bored? Or nervous? Maybe both?
“Hell if I know. I don’t even know what I’m good at. Aside from stocking shelves. I’m really good at that. But I don’t want to do that for the rest of my life.”
“Yeah, I hear you. Bus driving isn’t my ideal career.”
“How did we get here?” A new, old Johnny Cash song buzzed through the overhead speaker, though Gia didn’t know its name.
“No sé.” Roxi drained her coffee cup, the white of the mug now dribbled and streaked.
“They don’t tell you when you’re a kid that being an adult isn’t all it’s sold as.”
“They don’t. But, sometimes it’s fun, like when you forget about all the bullshit for a minute because you’re with someone who gets you and lets you be you when you’re with them.”
“Are you saying I get you?” Gia smiled at the change of topic.
“Yeah. And I know you can’t right now. But I can hope that you’ll be able to—eventually.”
Maybe the change of topic wasn’t such a good thing. “Listen, Rox—I want to. You have no idea how much I really, really want to. But I have to do this for myself. I can’t break this promise.”
“I know.”
“And we’re good? You’re not going anywhere?”
“I’m going to the bathroom. But I’ll be right back,” Roxi slid out of her side of the booth. “And when I get back, I want to hear threeideas for your life’s purpose.”
“Three?!”
“Okay, at least one.”
Gia looked at the worn table for clues. Someone had carved “save the dolphins” into the laminate. Someone else had scratched “E+H forever” under it. Funny what people found worthwhile of defacing property, she thought. And that’s when it hit her. There was something that mattered to her. There was something she had a unique perspective on that could both fund a living and help other people. Unknowingly, Roxi had helped her realize a potential path out of the stockroom and into the world she loved most: rock climbing.
???
Gia hadn’t climbed indoors in Palm Springs until that day, but not for lack of wanting to. The climbing gym was a special treat when she had extra cash—a luxury not unlike a meal at a restaurant or a new outfit that wasn’t on sale. It didn’t happen often, and she treasured the times when it did. A few overtime hours the previous week meant splurge money, and she needed it. Climbing cleared her mind in ways nothing else did.
