AllFreeNovel
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Gianna had been right. The elk was the appetizer. The canyon was the main course—massive and rugged and indescribable. A guard rail from the viewpoint kept her on the proper side of the multi-thousand-foot drop to the valley floor below. Sun streaked through a break in puffy cumulous clouds, providing an orange hue on the tips of the towering rocks, eroded from those billions of years of wind and water.
“It’s something, huh?” Gianna asked after they’d stood for a while.
“It’s a Christmas miracle.” Gia laughed. The holiday spirit indeed had her.
“Aren’t you clever?” A pause. Then, “So, what’s so important about this show you want to see tonight?”
Gia pulled the hood of her borrowed winter coat over her head. Her ears were freezing. How much should she share? “My friend Roxi is on it. She couldn’t tell me what it’s about—just that she’s on this reality show and there’s singing. She loves to sing.”
“And who’s Roxi?” Gianna lit a cigarette and took a puff.
“Mom,” Gia growled. “You can’t do that here.”
“Sure I can. We’re outside.”
“No, I don’t think you can. It’s a National Park. But anyway—” Gia held out an arm and pivoted to highlight all the people around them. “Can you please not? No one here wants to breathe that.”
Gianna smiled and flicked the cigarette to the ground, smothering it with a twisting foot, then bending to reclaim her trash. She’d worn hiking boots, Gia noticed. They weren’t going hiking, were they? “There.”
“Thanks. I have some Nicorette if you want?”
Gianna wanted it. “So, who’s Roxi?”
“A friend. Remember, I told you about her when you visited?”
“And she’s what? A friend you hang out with and gossip with and talk about your relationships with? Or a friend you’re in a relationship with?”
With those questions, Gia was sixteen again, shifting in her stance, deflecting. Just like she did when she skipped classes to hang out with the theatre kids and got caught. Just as she did when Gianna realized she had a girlfriend and called her on it. And just like she did when she went to her first sobriety meeting—nearly a decade before—and wasn’t ready to own her truth. Gia was wearing sunglasses, which felt like a protective shield, blocking access to her feelings. If Gianna couldn’t see her eyes, she wouldn’t see the unsaid thoughts.
“Just a friend, Ma. I’m working the program—no relationships for a year.”
“But you want to be in one with her.”
“What makes you say that?” Gia faced her mother and pushed the sunglasses up on the bridge of her nose. Protective shield, activate.
“Like it or not, we’re cut from the same cloth. I can see it in your body language. I hear it in your voice. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Everyone wants a companion.”
So, they were goingthere.
Gia bit her tongue. OG would’ve gone on the defensive, brought up her mom’s current beau and the guy before, and the one before that. But why? Aside from providing fodder, her mother’s failed relationships weren’t her responsibility, nor did they affect her life—except the big one, her father. That one would always sting because Gia felt robbed of a happier childhood. The day her dad left, everything changed. She needed to forgive her mother for her shortcomings—she was human, after all—to move forward in her own life.Needing toanddoingwere still at odds when it came to forgiving her mother, but Gia acknowledged the importance.
“I wouldn’t say everyone, but most people do. But we’re not exactly great at relationships,” Gia said. Only a small dig—that was true. For both. “But I really am working the program. I’ve been sober seven months. I’m ready—but also sonotready. I don’t want to blow it next time. I want my next relationship to be positive and equal and—” Gia stopped herself before she said the last part, “sexually compatible.”
“Well congratulations, doll. Seven months is a big accomplishment. You keep doing what you’re doing. Roxi will be there when the time is right.”
“Will she, though? She’s doing this reality show and what if she gets famous and goes on some crazy music tour or moves to L.A. or something I haven’t thought of?” Gia’s hands found her pockets—safety. An older man asked her to take a photo of him and his wife, which provided a brief break from her emotions, and when she was done, her hands went right back in the jacket pockets.
“Maybe she will, maybe not. Who can say? You’re young! You’re doing the right thing by focusing on yourself first. And she’s doing the right thing by following her dreams, whatever they are. God, I wish I’d done that more. I’ve jumped from man to man, putting whatever he wanted ahead of my needs. Society teaches us to do that—women are here to pacify men, stroke their egos, make them feel needed. I fell into that trap too many times to count. And look where it got me. You’re lucky you don’t want a man.” Gianna chewed Nicorette and stared at the vast expanse in front of them. And Gia softened. Her mother knew about her own mistakes—and admitted them. Maybe Gia wasn’t the only one growing.
“I didn’t know you felt that way. What do you wish you’d done instead?”
“Easy. Gone to college. I was always good with numbers—I could’ve been an accountant or CPA or math teacher. I just wish I’d done something with my life. I’m so glad you’re not making my mistakes.”
“I didn’t go to college. And I work in a grocery store. I wouldn’t say I’m on a path to profound success.”
“It’s not too late to go to school if you want, but you are successful, doll. You’re addressing your baggage head on. You’ve cleaned up. You have a good job. You’re not in a toxic relationship, and you’re being very practical about it all. I’m proud of you.”
Hold the phone.
