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“I missed you, too,” Archer said, sitting next to me on the sofa. He took my dessert, an apple tart with heavy cream, and set it to the side. “The only thing that kept me going through some of the shit they did was you. I kept thinking about you being trapped up there with that fucking madman. I had to make it through so I could see you again and make sure you were safe.”
“That cunt Avery came down and tried to tell us you were through with us,” Valen said, sitting on the sofa on the other side of me, near Kingston. “She fucking lied. We all knew it was a lie. I want you to know that, though, she tried to get us to fuck around with her, but none of us were having it. I couldn’t see her as anything other than a barrier to you.”
“She tried to flirt with us,” Archer chuckled and shook his head. “Can you fucking believe that? She claimed you were engaged to Maksim and wanted nothing to do with your Kings.”
“You guys know she was lying, though,” I said. “Right?”
“Of course,” Kingston said and scooped up the last of his dessert. He leaned towards me, held it to my mouth, and waited until I opened it. He slid the spoon between my lips and let me lick it off while all four of them watched me with great interest.
I did love this part of being their queen. Knowing that I commanded their attention even when I was doing something simple like this.
But it didn’t last long, they began to kiss me and stroke my hair, and move in on me, and I felt instantly claustrophobic. I couldn’t breathe. It was as if the walls were caving in on me and choking off my throat.
I took one long, gasping breath and pushed myself up off the sofa, turned around to them, and said, “We need to talk.”
CHAPTER13
“Of course, babe,”Ryker said, and the other three nodded in agreement. They all looked at me, their eyes filled with concern and love, the worst combination when I was about to admit the worst thing I’d ever done. “You can talk to us about anything.”
“It’s okay, Evie,” Kingston said, confusion and worry reigning on his face. He didn’t know what this was about, but he could tell I was hurting, and that was enough for him to tense up and get ready to fight my demons for me.
“What’s going on?” Valen asked when I continued to stare at them instead of expanding on my statement. I wanted to tell them what was happening, why I felt like I was being crushed by the weight of their love and expectations, but the words wouldn’t pass the constriction in my throat.
“You can tell us anything,” Archer said, and they all waited, watching me with love and adoration, and I hated myself because I didn’t deserve any of it.
But it was like a snake had wrapped itself around my vocal cords because when I tried to tell them my horrible and filthy, dark and terrible secret, just a hiss of a whisper squeaked through.
“Are you okay?” Kingston asked. He knew immediately that something was wrong. He had that instinct, and because he’d grown in such a cruel and rough world, his gut reactions were always right. That’s what made him such a great fighter and a great lover.
“It’s just that I—” I stammered and dropped my eyes to the floor. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t admit that I’d performed like a little whore for Maksim, that I’d pretended my own sister had gotten me off like that. I couldn’t expose that darkest side of myself to my Kings.
And that was unusual. I’d already bared my soul to all of them. On dark nights, in bed, with their arms around me and their breath on my skin, I’d told them everything about myself.
About the worst days growing up when I thought about ending it all. When I was ruled by suicidal ideations, and even went so far as to search for ways of doing it so it would be fast and painless.
Nat had been the only reason I’d stuck around back then. I couldn’t fathom scarring her life by finding my body or having to go to my funeral.
I’d told them my worst tendencies, like how I had set up Victoria and humiliated her in front of the class. Or that time in eighth grade when I’d framed Randy Taylor by making it look like he stole the teacher’s money from her desk drawer. That had simply been because he was relentless in his name-calling and constant teasing.
I’d told them the worst of myself, and yet I couldn’t tell them this. It was as if I had shown them my basement but wouldn’t let them go down one level to the hidden sub-basement. The secret cavern of horror that I couldn’t escape from anymore.
“Come on, babe,” Valen said, putting his arm around me and pulling me towards him. “You know you can talk to us. We’re here to love you and help you heal from this.”
“It’s just that I didn’t think I was ever going to make it back to you guys,” I lied, despising myself as I used the lesser of my trauma to appease their curiosity. “I thought I had lost you, and I feel like that means I gave up on us. I didn’t give up, but I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
I let the emotion out but disguised it as another issue altogether.
“Oh, princess,” Kingston said and leaned over to pull me into his embrace. I climbed over the others and landed in his lap, putting my arms around his neck. “No, Evie, don’t beat yourself up over that. You were alone and terrified. I can’t imagine what that fucking animal told you. Don’t feel bad for giving up hope. We know you didn’t give up on us.”
“I never did,” I said, finally finding the path to being truthful again. I never did give up on the five of us. I stayed true to our relationship in my heart even if Maksim had forced me to do otherwise.
“Then what’s got you all riled up?” Archer asked. “You’re devastated about something.”
“I’m just tired,” I smiled and let my head fall against Kingston’s chest. “I’m exhausted. I’m sure everything will get back to normal after a good sleep.”
“Thank god there’s a comfortable guest room,” Valen said, reaching out to touch me in comfort.
“And that bed looks big enough for all of us,” Ryker said, and he raised his eyebrows at me. “Unless you’re just looking to spend the night with me, princess.”
