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We all laughed because, of course, I wanted to be surrounded by them, but Ryker loved making a play for my time. He was always the one who wanted solo visits and nights in my bed without anybody else.
But with four of them, he had to put up with the other three most of the time, and even now, I knew it didn’t bother him that much. As long as he got to sleep next to me, there would be no fights.
After that, we all agreed to sleep. Kingston carried me to the bedroom, and they helped me undress and climb under the blankets.
We didn’t have sex that night. Even though they were exhausted and in pain, I could tell they were into it, but I just couldn’t cross that boundary yet. I couldn’t forgive myself and let the joy of our love wash away the shame of my torture.
One day, maybe, but not soon. I would hold it against my chest and keep my secret with me like poison I was afraid to spill onto my Kings.
I just hoped it wouldn’t spill into me and ruin everything I’d accomplished since I met them. I prayed it wouldn’t send me spinning down into those dark thoughts and ultimately lead to my self-destruction.
All I could do for now was love them and let myself be loved. So that would have to do.
* * *
The night passed,and the morning came. I felt better but not quite right, it was as if I couldn’t shake off the looming sense of disaster, and it was somehow tied to the one and only secret I was keeping from my Kings.
I couldn’t keep up the way I was, though. I couldn’t keep them at arm’s length and expect them not to prod and poke until I confessed.
So I did what I always did, what I did back when I lived with Reg and mom. I shoved down my feelings. I pushed them into the dark recesses of my mind. I slammed the door shut and locked it. I threw away the key and ignored the whispers of doubt that crept through the barriers of my mind every once in a while.
The moment I made that decision, the happier I felt. I could focus on the issues laid out in front of us and work on solutions. Like how to get Ivan back, help Amara escape, and find out what happened to Seymour so I wouldn’t be accused of her murder.
I stretched on the bed and listened to the four men breathing around me. I looked up at the sunlight streaming through the window, watched the dust motes dance and spiral around on air currents, and I felt the warms of bodies pressed against me and legs draped over mine.
And I felt content. Despite everything bad in the world and the things that had been done to me, I felt good again. All was right in the landscape of my life, and I could let the goodness stomp out the bad.
I stretched again and smiled as Archer’s hand fell to cup my breast in his sleep. Ryker rolled over and splayed his arm across Kingston’s body to reach mine, and Valen wiggled closer to me, our bodies pressed together tightly. I could feel his morning wood eagerly waking up long before he did, and behind me, Kingston’s began to stir as I edged around to give myself more room.
Even in the depths of their dreams, these Kings of mine desired me above all else. Avery didn’t have a chance. She would never get any more than a look of disgust from my guys.
I thought they were all still sleeping when Archer’s hand began to move with more deliberation. We didn’t speak, but I let him roll my nipple between his thumb and forefinger until it was rock hard and sending delicious languid waves of pleasure through my body.
Ryker’s hand cupped my stomach and slid lower to my mound, where he squeezed and slipped a finger into my wetness to drag across my already swollen clit.
I gasped, and that was the signal all four of them needed. They all moved at once, great muscle beasts of men pushing up to tend to my needs. Exactly what I loved about having four of them.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Kingston said, brushing hair off my forehead. He had rolled above me and dropped to kiss me fully. I hesitated at first, our morning breath on my mind, but the moment our lips touched, I no longer cared. I was hungry for him, for all of them. I whimpered into his mouth out of desperation to have more of him. I wanted him inside of me, driving away the darkness with the power of his sex.
I wanted them all to reclaim my body as theirs, to own me, and drive out anything that didn’t belong.
I wanted to forget what it felt like to have Avery touching me and the gun to my head while imagining what it would be like to have a bullet tear through my skull if I angered Maksim.
I wanted to forget everything about that day, and the entire time I was trapped with him, that fucking monster. I had to release it, to let it explode and disintegrate into ash, left to blow away on the wind like the motes I’d just been watching.
I dragged at Kingston’s hips and pulled him towards me. He got the hint and exhaled with a pained sound, winced, and said, “Go slow, Evie. I’m still sore.”
“Now you know what I feel like most of the time,” I laughed, but I let him guide me with the speed he could manage. He eased himself overtop of me and kissed me again.
“I missed this so much when we were in there,” Ryker said, reaching out to brush the hair away from my face. “I fucking love the way you look when you first get that cock inside you. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world.”
“She is gorgeous getting fucked,” Archer agreed and brushed my hair away from the other side. “She always looks slightly surprised, like she can’t believe she’s getting such a big, fat dick inside her tight little cunt.”
“That’s exactly what it is,” Valen said. “Her cunt is always hungry, but that first thrust always shocks her.”
His accent was thicker, and he sounded more British when he said cunt. I loved the way he said it, and it made me feel extra filthy for some reason. The human brain was a strange and wonderful place with no rhyme nor reason for the things that turned us on.
I loved the way Ryker’s fingers pressed into my arm when Kingston fucked me, for one. He held me tightly as if he thought I would roll away from him, and he couldn’t watch me get fucked.
