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Telling Maksim how good Avery made me feel. How good he made me feel by making me do it. I was moaning like a fucking whore, groaning like I was going to come, and putting on the performance of a lifetime.
I’d only done it to save my life, but the shame of it hit me like a tsunami of emotions slamming into shore. Everything I’d told myself to keep going came crashing down as the humiliation hit me. Every little lie I’d said since then, to my Kings, to my own ears, all of them whipped around me in a tornado of razor-sharp self-hatred and burning degradation.
I made a noise of fear, like the mewling of a little kitten, and every one of them turned to look at me.
And I saw it in their faces. Maksim was smirking with cruel pleasure, and Avery was blank.
But my Kings.
Fuck.
My Kings, they hated me. I could tell they didn’t have to say a word. They hated me more than I hated myself, and I couldn’t bear to see it. I couldn’t stand my own face reflected back at me in four sets of eyes filled with disgust and loathing.
I squeaked, tears sprung from my eyes, and pinpricks of horror erupted along my flesh. It felt like somebody had dropped the floor as if it was falling to the ground, and my feet no longer touched it. My stomach flip-flopped, and I couldn’t breathe.
My chest tightened, and before they could tell me how much they hated me, I turned to leave. To give them what they clearly wanted, for me to fuck off and die. I wouldn’t give them the chance to say what they felt because I’d never survive hearing it in their words.
As I turned, I looked over at Avery, and she was standing in place, completely still, with her eyes huge and full of fear.
“Why are you looking at me?” I screamed at her. “Why?”
I couldn’t take her judgment or Ryker’s, or even Kingston’s. They were all looking at me, and I felt like I was standing on stage in the spotlight. They were watching me, judging me, and I hated feeling so exposed.
I whirled around and ran for the elevator, pushed the door to the stairs, and ran down to the next floor and then two more below that until I was far from my Kings and the shock of humiliation that had burned me in the penthouse.
I was going to keep going and run out of the building, but my legs gave out, and I collapsed into a heap of tears on the landing.
Everything was chaos once more, and I was losing control.
Once I got my footing and the floor stopped shifting like sand under me, I would keep running, and I would run until I never had to see them again.
Because once they told me they didn’t love me, there would be no more reason to live.
And I already had enough reasons not to survive this. I didn’t need four more.
My sobs echoed in the empty concrete of the building, and the sound of my heart breaking filled my ears like the sound of rushing waves coming ashore to pull me out to sea.
THE END
