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Was she really so afraid that she might fall pregnant with his child? What did she fear? That she would be trapped into a third marriage, or that he would pressure her against her will? She knew him well enough to know that he would not allow an illegitimate child of his to get out there in the world, growing up without knowing their family or being shamed for the circumstances of his birth.
Alexander knew she valued her independence and enjoyed the freedom of being a widow, but was that independence greater than the love brewing between them, a love neither could deny without being forsworn as damn liars?
He would convince her that he would never cage her and love her until…
Alexander stilled, surprise freezing his thoughts. Then he laughed, feeling like a an utterly damned fool.Aye, I am not letting you go, Lucinda.
Alexander pushed to his feet to bound down the stairs. He almost called for his carriage before stopping himself. He knew himself well. He could be overbearing and forceful when he wanted something. He did not want to bring such pressure on Lucinda, not when he knew what it damn well felt like when others did not respect his wishes. He would give himself time and see if she reached out to him.
That time turned into a few days, and before he knew it, five weeks had passed with him waiting to hear from his lover like a damn fool. He could not escape the sense that something was wrong.
On his way back to town, riding his fastest stallion, he found himself turning their last moments together, sensing with his entire being everything had gone wrong that night in the gazebo. Lucinda was not at her townhouse, and he wasted precious time going back to Derbyshire to intrude upon her parents only to learn they had gone to Bath.
The shock that he had no notion where to find her had haunted him for days before hiring a few private investigators to find her.
Why would she vanish so completely?
After no news came in from the men he hired, Alexander returned to town a couple of weeks later. Recalling her mention of 48 Berkeley Square, he went there one early afternoon. He mounted the steps and knocked on the door. A butler opened and looked down his nose as if a bug had shown up on his doorstep.
“Inform Lady Darby that Lord Chisholm is here to see her,” he said with biting authority.
“I am afraid Lady Darby has not been in residence for weeks, my lord.”
Hell. That painful feeling crawled through his heart once more. “Did she leave a forwarding address?”
“No, my lord. However, the person who would most likely know that information is the Duchess of Hartford.”
Alexander left and traveled only a short distance to the duke and duchess’s townhouse. He was admitted into a tastefully decorated drawing room. The beautiful duchess entered the room, her steps faltering when she saw him.
“Well, it took you long enough.”
That jolted him. “I beg your pardon?”
“Are you not searching for Lucinda?”
“Yes, I am,” he said gruffly, standing. “Do you know where she is?”
The duchess charmingly wrinkled her nose. “That depends.”
He wondered if he could wring the duchess’s neck and get away with it.
“No, you cannot,” she said, laughing at him with her golden-brown eyes. “My darling husband is fiercely protective of my sweet neck.”
Alexander was well out of good humor, but that she had read him so accurately brought a small smile to his mouth. “What does it depend on, Your Grace.”
She clasped her hands before her. “Why do you wish to find her?”
“I miss her,” he simply said, “She vanished without us getting a proper chance to talk.”
“I am sorry, that is not enough.”
A low growl leaped in his throat, and her eyes widened. “Oh, now I see the appeal,” she said teasingly.
He couldn’t help laughing, and it dispelled some of the knots in his belly. “I love her. I do not know if it will make a difference. But I wanted her to know it.”
The duchess gave him a blinding smile, dipped into her pocket and plucked out a piece of paper.
“Thank you,” he said, taking it from her and walking away, leashing the desire to run and race like a madman to Hampshire. The weather was foul, wet and windy, with the wind coming inland from the sea and buffeting the countryside. He at least had the sense to order his carriage and take some luggage with him. But the journey was so slow, for the horses struggled against the gale that seemed to laugh at his desperation to find Lucinda and tell her what a fool he had been. To beg her to listen to him because he could not live without her.
