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“There is no special reason. It has happened ever since I was a small girl. Once thunder and lightning crackle in the sky, I cannot sleep, and my heart pounds. The fear is rather nonsensical, yet I cannot get past it. Yet I find rain beautiful and soothing.”
Thunder cracked, and the damn chit scooted closer to him.
“Normally, when I was scared, I would slip into my brother’s room. He would allow me to stay, though once papa discovered it, he forbade me from entering his room.” She laughed softly. “Yet whenever there is a storm, my brother always finds himself by my side to keep me company.”
“You love him.”
“As all sisters should love their brothers,” Pippa said fondly and with a wide yawn afterward.
Silence fell between them, and her chest lifted on even breaths. Several minutes passed so, and William gathered she had fallen into slumber. Sleep would not come for him when she was this close to him.
“Fucking hell,” he whispered under his breath.
“Why do you curse?”
He damn well jerked and she giggled. “I thought you slept, or I would not have been so vulgar with my words.”
“I am good at pretending that I am sleeping. A skill learned from childhood.”
“Why in God’s name did you need to pretend?” he asked drily, unbelieving of her gall.
“I would often slip from my bed and creep down the stairs to read each night. It was my favorite pastime you see. Reading. In the pages of books I felt transported to another world and there was nothing I enjoyed as much. Mama would complain that I should be sleeping and would often check to ensure I was abed. I would pretend for several minutes until the house quietened then away I would go for my nightly adventure.”
“What age were you?”
“Eleven,” she said with a smile in her voice. “There were many adventures I missed out on because I was too afraid or too timid. I did not sneak to the lake with my brother or climb a tree or indulge in hide and go seek in the ruins with my cousins.”
“You are no longer shy though.”
Laughter pulsed from her. “At times I daresay I am, but I am more…decidedthan anything else.”
“Did you choose to be this…decided before or after Shuttleworth.”
Her breath hitched, and her fingers tightened on the blanket. “After. I was terribly frightened by his actions. He had been very charming and perhaps all young ladies dream of a suitor to delight them with courtship and entice us to fall in love.”
How rueful and whimsical she sounded.
“My shyness at times made me stutter and dread being asked to dance. Yet every ball I attended I dreamed of being asked to the floor foreverydance. Those who courted me did so for my wealth and did not truly care for me as a person. Then the viscount appeared, seeming to be different. He was certainly more solicitous and attentive than everyone else. After only a little over a week of knowing him, he suggested he would pay a call to my father. A part of me was thrilled, but a larger part skeptical. When I aired my doubt…he…he grabbed me and forced kisses on me. When I tried to get away, he painfully wrenched my arm and tore my dress. I was petrified. If not for footsteps approaching I have no notion of how far he would have taken his scheme. I do know he expected me to marry him because I was compromised.”
“The blackguard,” William said quietly, wishing he could break the viscount’s nose again.
“It was Theo who found me in the gardens sobbing piteously and whisked me away. We became friends and she taught me so much.”
“Like how to slam your fist into the face of libertines?”
Another laugh that stroked against his skin like honeyed heat.
“Yes. In knowing Theo and several other ladies, I shed my shyness to discover that there are so many ladies who share similar hopes and sentiments. I think back with incredulity that I had waited in that garden to be found and face ruin, instead of acting. My determination to be more daring and decisive was always there, but I think I feared censure. I outgrew that fear, and I would never allow another to direct my life’s desires again. Bold thinking, I know, but I still strive for it.”
“My sisters would like you, especially Elizabeth. Though she is soft spoken, it does not hide her fierceness, especially when it comes to defending those she loves.”
“Perhaps I shall meet them someday. When does Elizabeth come out?”
“Next season. She is already foolishly hoping to find some grand love with an earl or a duke.”
“You do not believe in love?”
“What is there to believe in? You either have the capacity to care for someone or you do not. It is also not a requirement for a good marriage or to enjoy one’s life to give it considerable import.”
