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“I’ll be sure to thank her when I meet her,” I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood at the table.
She attempts to smile but this time it doesn’t reach her eyes. I realize that we aren’t going to fall into effortless conversation like we did before. But maybe if we ease back into it with simple topics, the conversation will start to flow again.
“So, how’s the new job?” I ask.
Devrie stares at me like I’ve just grown a second head.
Come on, Dev.Work with me here.
It takes her a moment to realize what I’m trying to do.
“It’s great. I love the work, and I’m meeting a lot of great people.”
Carl’s smug smiling face appears in my mind, and I have to push it right back out.
We stick to safe topics for the rest of the meal, like our jobs and the city. I tell her about all the great places she needs to check out.
It isn’t until I ask if she wants to check out the dessert menu that she puts down her fork with a clatter.
“Alec, what is this? What are we doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you really want to pretend that you didn’t almost kiss me and then ran away like your head was on fire?”
“I didn’t run. You walked away from me.”
“After you pulled away.”
I flinch at that part because it’s true. “It’s complicated.”
“What so different now? You invite me to this romantic restaurant, but only do small talk with me.” She shakes her head. “You’ve kissed me before. And there’s something here. But I’m so confused. I’m suffering from whiplash over here.”
I put down my fork, trying to find the right words here. I wish we could have more, but I’ve been too selfish to let her go. I need to man up and do what I should have done before, even if it means heartache for both of us.
“I’m sorry for leading you on,” I say. “You were such a big part of my past, and seeing you again brought back all these feelings from that time that felt so familiar. I think I just got caught up in the moment. We can’t be anything more than friends.”
That last lie leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. But she will move on from whatever it is she thinks she’s feeling about me. She’ll meet someone who can give her everything I can’t. It will kill me to see her with someone else, but I can’t betray Denny after everything he’s done for me. He may be her brother by blood. But he’s my brother by choice.
Devrie’s cheeks flush, and her eyes ignite with anger I’ve never seen before. “Why not?”
“It’s the way it has to be.” I plead with her.
“So then, why ask me here? Why almost kiss?”
I stay silent. I don’t know how to answer without giving away to her how I feel. I don’t want to lie to her, but I can’t go there with her as much as it pains us both. This is all a disaster and will only get worse if we go down this rabbit hole.
Her jaw clenches as she realizes I don’t have an answer for her. She throws down her napkin and pushes back her seat. The urge to call after her and tell her I’ve made a mistake is strong, but I don’t move. There’s a tightness in my chest and it feels like my heart is cracking from the pressure.
ChapterFive
DEVRIE
Outside the restaurant, my arm shoots up as a yellow cab approaches, but it doesn’t slow down.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I grumble in annoyance.
I need to be gone before Alec finishes paying the bill and finds me standing here. My best bet is just to start walking. I’m not as familiar with this area so I pull out my phone to make sure I’m not walking in the wrong direction. My hands are shaking slightly as I try and type in my address.
