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“Calm down,” I tell myself as I take a deep breath and calm myself down.
At least I got my answer. Alec will never step up and be the man I was hoping he’d be. Logically my brain can understand why he doesn’t want to mess up his relationship with my brother but trying to reason with my heart isn’t going to happen.
My throat tightens when I think about having to see him in the future. Our lives have been and always will be interconnected, but not in the way I hoped they would be. I’m so stupid to think that he would pick me. I wasn’t sure how he felt before, but when I saw how he looked at me as soon as I entered the restaurant, I thought we were on the same page—but I was wrong again.
“Devrie,” Alec says as he walks out the restaurant door. “Please don’t leave like this.”
My fight or flight reaction kicks in and I turn to start walking down the street, the blood pumping in my ears. I walk as fast as I can, but his long strides make it easy for him to catch up with me.
“Please stop,” he says.
But I won’t. I have to keep going. This isn’t a fight that I want to hash out over and over again. He’s made his decision, and now I have to make mine. If he’s going to stop anything from happening between us to save his relationship with my brother, then I’m going to stop this conversation from continuing to save what’s left of my heart.
“I’ll follow you all the way home if it means you’ll listen.”
I guess rehashing it is.
I turn and face him, “Why should I?”
He steps closer to me, and I fight with everything in me to stand my ground and not move a muscle. I will not be swayed by the woodsy scent of his cologne or the fact that just standing near him makes me feel more feminine and petite.
“Your brother will never understand. You know how protective he is of you. Do you actually think there is a scenario in which he finds out about us and doesn’t freak out?”
I throw my hands up in the air in frustration. “You can hide behind your lame excuse about my brother, or you can just be honest with yourself and with me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t look like the woman that society deems appropriate to be with, so you are lying to the both of us, so you don’t look like the bad guy.”
My own realization of the truth hits as the words come out of my mouth. I don’t know why I didn’t put two and two together before. Maybe it’s because I was too distracted by his lame excuse to see what was really going on. Both times he’s been with me were in public. He’s ashamed to be seen with me.
I played that role a few times in college before I knew my true worth. I’m not someone’s secret shame that they hide away because they are afraid of what other people think.
“Is that really what you think of me?” The hurt in his voice makes me wavier for a moment. But why else would he keep giving me the same excuse over and over again about why we could be together only to keep pulling me back in?
“Your actions tell a different story than your words,” I finally say.
His jaw ticks in anger, but he says nothing.
“You think what I’m saying isn’t true. Then what do you want, Alec?”
Only the sounds of car horns blaring and the voices of the other pedestrians can be heard.
I shake my head at him. “What do you want?”
There’s a battle playing out before me in his expressions, but I’m tired of waiting around for some sort of answer. My heart aches in my chest, and I am done waiting. I deserve more.
I turn around and start to walk away, managing only to get a few steps before I feel someone grab my hand and spin around. Alec has a look of determination on his face I’ve never seen before. He pulls me against him wrapping one arm around my waist. His free hand cups my face as he leans in and brushes his lips against mine. He’s taking the kiss I’ve wanted to give him since that first night all those years ago.
ALEC
Her lips are just as soft as I remember, and she tastes just as sweet. I can’t believe I’ve denied myself this from that moment in the park.
She thought I was embarrassed to be seen with her? That couldn’t be farther from the truth. My excuse to keep her at arm’s length was a weak one, but it’s all I had to keep myself from consuming myself with every part of her. Devrie and Denny are the two most important people in my life. And if we tried a romantic relationship and it didn’t work out, I don’t know what I’d do without them. I tried pushing her away to protect us, but the draw to be near her was just as strong.
Devrie wraps her arms around my waist and moans into my mouth as she pushes onto her toes to get closer.
My fingers rake into her hair at the base of her neck and angle her head to the side. I need to get deeper. I need to explore every inch of her.
