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Cam was mine.
The kid was mine.
And his mom … I didn’t know how to move on from this.
All I knew was, I missed them. Both of them. Cam and Brielle.
thirty-five
brielle
Today, Cam and I went to the beach. We carried a picnic. We took the time to process it all. I let him ask questions, and I answered them all truthfully. He was himself at times, laughing and playing in the waves. Then, other times, he was quiet, and I knew he was thinking.
Being told that the rock star you idolized was your father was a lot for anyone to process. Especially a nine-year-old.
While we ate our turkey sandwiches, he asked me if Dean was mad at me. I had sworn to myself that I’d tell him the truth. Even if it was difficult.
I nodded. “He is. But because he feels robbed. Of knowing you.”
Cam frowned. “You tried to tell him about me. He’s a rock star. How did he expect you to tell him?”
I shrugged. “I think it’s more about not telling him sooner. Since he moved into our building.”
Cam didn’t say anything for a long time. When he finally did, he slid closer to me. “I’m not mad at you, Mama.”
Those simple words were enough. I could survive it all, knowing he forgave me. He understood.
The drive home, we talked about his camping trip and his moving up to the junior high marching band. Dean wasn’t mentioned once, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad one. I wanted Cam to feel free to talk to me about whatever was bothering him. He didn’t have to protect me from Dean. I was his mother. I wanted to know how he was feeling about all this.
After we got home and had dinner, I put away the leftovers and washed the dishes, and Cam went to get his bath. He hadn’t mentioned Dean again. I knew that today or tomorrow, the results from the paternity test would come back. I expected a call from Dean or maybe Blaire. Possibly even his lawyer.
When there was a knock on the door, I dried my hands on a towel, then walked to answer the door. Peeking through the peephole, I saw Dean standing there. I stepped back and took several deep breaths, then reached for the lock and unlatched it before opening the door.
Dean’s eyes locked on mine, and I prepared myself for whatever it was he was here to say. I was strong. I could handle this. Nothing he said could destroy me. I had survived worse.
“He’s mine,” Dean said.
“Yes,” I replied. I had never doubted it.
“Does he know?” Dean asked me.
Is he serious? What did he think was going to happen after the cheek swab in his apartment?
“He’s smart. The paternity test wasn’t something he didn’t notice,” I said.
Dean winced. As if he hadn’t thought of that.
“Can I come in?” he asked me.
I glanced back to see Cam wasn’t in there and looked back to Dean. “Okay,” I replied, stepping back to let him inside.
He walked past me, and I hated that his nearness affected me. I hadn’t thought he would come to tell me the results himself. Not after the way he had acted since I’d told him. I’d been prepared for something more formal.
“Is he here?” Dean asked me.
“We spent the day at the beach. He’s getting a shower,” I replied, closing the door.
“How did you tell him?” he asked.
