Page 190 of Wolf Awakened


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I was sure if Aurelia were here, she'd be calling the suicide line, fighting hard to keep me from doing something stupid before she reached my house.

My poor bestie who understood me would be ashamed to lose me, but as I got closer and the lingering damage from the silver spread even further inside me, I was unable to think of anything else as I acknowledged that my witchy wolf best friend would survive without me.

All of them would survive without me.

I wasn't their missing link. I was merely a connector that brought them together.

Dimitris's words flooded my mind, and I was reminded about what I was marked to be.

A reject, nuisance, a miscalculation. I giggled quietly to myself, the dragging sensation of approaching doom making me savior every last step

I wished to start over.

To come back fresh and began this cycle of life once again like it was a videogame all this while. I was sure the consequences were fierce, but it seemed right at this time.

The right time to disappear...

The words haunted me again and again, motivating me to reach the very place that would harbor my body at the very bottom of the endless pit of water. My body would become a set of remains, flesh eaten away, leaving nothing but bones and the memory of me for those who still carried such.

When my body came to a stop, I knew it was time. This was the now or never because no prince charming was coming after me to save me. No knight in shining armor or sexy wolf shifters to convince me that I was worthy of life.

It was time to end this cycle that started with me.

A cycle that started and would end with me.

I peered over to see the long drop that I remembered falling from many years ago. The agony that followed, the recovery time, and the dedication of that one person that stayed by my side even at the chance of me being disabled.

I laughed at the thought, the sound weak and scratchy, and I wondered who would get here first? Onyx or Neo? The question made me smirk as I kind of knew the answer, but it brought me great sadness because I knew it was the last time I'd be thinking of each of them.

We were supposed to be enemies.

Individuals who should have despised one another until someone crumbled from the impact of our misguided ways of expressing our love. I'd grazed the surface of each individual, wishing to dig further and unravel what they hid beneath.

I was sure the others thought I wouldn't survive knowing the deeds they'd committed out of scrutiny, not knowing just how sinister my past was.

There just wasn't enough time.

No time to unlock those hidden shackles and be free to share our challenging circumstances. No chance to unravel what made us tick, what triggered our insecurities, and what forced us to become these villains of financial abundance.

I'd carry each of their qualities to the grave, wishing that I'd gone the extra mile to know them more. Connect with those individuals that I’d expected to be my packmates.

Individuals I wished would take me in as one of their own, no matter what I lacked.

It was an internal dream that left me feeling like a fool.

A fool who began to love her enemies who didn't see the same picture. Didn't grasp just how much I craved to be amongst them. Not to overpower them, or belittle them, but to stand beside them.

To truly feel like a member of the Forbidden Pack.

I could already imagine Saint smiling while teasing me for being a Wilting Flower.

Or staring into Jayce's eyes as the beads of water from the shower drenched both of us.

Admiring Neo's silk blindfold as our lips were inches from one another.

Or keeping up Dimitris’s glare with my own as I taunted him with my male dominance.

As I lifted my head up to the sky, tears shed down my cheeks like the blood that struggled to leave my body because there was nothing left.

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