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"So what happened after that?" I inquired.
"I decided to 'run away' for a few months, and I came back with a deal the church couldn't refuse. Those months were spent on what one would call "healing" but it wasn't my broken heart that I was working on," he declared. "I was working on having a backbone. From changing my mindset from being a submissive boy who sucked up to get what he needed out of the world, to being taught to get it myself. I guess because of the way I was raised by the church, I held no confidence in myself. I used my looks, charm, and happy nature to project a part of myself that showed nothing could be going wrong in my life. It was believable because our society truly doesn't care about us as individuals. If someone cries, is hungry, or is dehydrated on the street, everyone walks away. Our population is far too focused on themselves as selfish beings, so why would I show them how broken I was? It wouldn't bring me happiness, and frankly, I was tired of being unhappy with myself.”
He took my hand once more and wrapped his fingers around mine.
"Dimitris and Neo were helpful with that, especially having Dimitris as an Alpha. We don't give him enough credit, but he became the teacher I never really had. I kept what I was a secret from him for a long time, but I think he knew and guided me very early on to someone who could help me. It only took three beginning sessions with this individual, and I was confident enough to return to the church. My mate had become a "nun" but it was so clear what her intentions were. She wanted to reel me back into their web, lead me in with a bunch of empty promises of a future we'd never share together. The specific church I stayed in was beginning to feel the weight of their challenges without me. The fewer church members meant less collection and tithes, and various things had been going downhill since I'd left. The night I returned, my mate wanted us to sleep together. It was rather hilarious, but I agreed."
I waited patiently as he paused.
"She got all dressed up, and for a moment, I considered if we could try things again. To see if I could somehow keep her in my life, but that's when I saw her intentions. She didn't love me. I was a scrawny orphan who was poor, uneducated, and would probably become a druggy in a few years. At least, that's what she wanted for me. It was a sudden revelation, but this time around, I'd prepared my heart for the pain. When she approached, I told her I wished things could have worked out for us." His eyes softened. "Then I ate her soul."
It made sense now, and I didn't even blame him for his actions.
"If I was in that situation, I'd fuck shit up," I admitted, and used my free hand to gently press against his cheek. "You're such a strong person, Saint."
"I only became strong thanks to the Forbidden Pack," he admitted. "I would have been a pushover for the world to walk upon if I hadn't met them, and I guess we never would have crossed paths."
He closed his eyes to enjoy my touch a little longer before he rose up.
"Your coffee should be here. I'll let Jayce know to bring it up."
"Saint?"
"Hmm?"
"What about us then?" I asked.
He thought about it before he leaned in and pressed a firm kiss to my forehead. "We take things slow," he stated with a wink.
"Are...you sure?"
"I've been a guy who's always wanted to enjoy dates and proving to a woman that sex is not what determines their worth in a relationship. Maybe because I was always in center stage of such activities, I didn't want it to be the focus of my relationship. It doesn't mean I won't go with the flow. It just means I take the opportunities that come my way."
"You're okay with Neo and Onyx then?"
"Neo's chill," he assured me as he seemed pleased. "Onyx will probably kick my ass and throw me out the window with his obvious jealousy, but I think he just needs to understand I'm not going to steal you away."
"He didn't act like that with Neo," I voiced.
"Neo doesn't seem like a threat to him because Neo knows what he wants in all areas of himself. He's confident in his art, his abilities, his personality. Many love to judge him because he's blind or what they would mock as disabled, but to Neo, his lack of sight only benefits him, and it's not something he can't override if he's in a dangerous situation," he explained. "I'm not as confident as them. I guess because I look at you and internally question how the fuck this happened. How did I land with such a powerful woman? Maybe I'm slightly afraid because my ex-mate projected that level of confidence, but she was a stranger compared to you, who I've actually known for some time. It still delivers a hint of uncertainty, and maybe that's what bothers him."
He began to walk to the door before he paused and looked over his shoulder to give me a wide grin. "I'll make him accept me eventually. Besides, I can take a pounding or two."
Looking away, he headed to the door. "I'll keep a good lookout. Have fun at dinner tonight and relax."
"Bye, Saint."
"Bye, Blossoming Flower," he replied and opened the door.
His exit left me quietly sitting there as I processed the shared moment of openness. I couldn't even grasp a childhood like that in those realms of manipulation and abuse. It was one thing to be physically hurt or mentally strained with words that degraded every part of you, but there was just something about sexual abuse that tagged all three areas and destroyed you. It made you question so many things, like what could have been done differently or if you were really in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The problem I had with Saint's case was that he endured that again and again until he thought it was the only way he'd obtain freedom.
That struck a chord within me.
The scent of coffee drifted to my nose, and it took me an added moment to see the Starbucks cup of steaming, hot coffee on my desk. The sight was blurry, and it made me huff as I blinked away my tears. A few rolled down my cheek before I could stop them.
I tried to lift my hands to wipe them away, but arms wrapped around me from behind, and I couldn't help but huff in annoyance.
