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"You have to stand still while I paint you with this stuff."
"Will it wash off?" I inquired.
"Yup," he assured me. "No infections for the coochie."
It was my turn to laugh as he began to paint my flesh. It was easy for him and super quick. At the end, I was perfectly glazed in this cool, tingling liquid.
Removing the bucket and brush outside, he returned with some sort of remote with various colors and handed it to me.
"It takes two to three minutes to dry, but I need to get you back into your pose."
I did exactly as he said while holding the remote in my grasp. He walked around me three times before he seemed satisfied as I remained in the center of the room.
He then faced me as he delivered the final instructions.
"Now the final task to complete the painting. You get to press a button by stating out loud, within these glass walls, an insecurity of yours that steals from you embodying your femininity."
My eyes widened as I gawked at his statement, but I knew he was being completely serious.
"Only an insecurity?" I clarified.
"Mhmm," he replied. "Each one will allow you to press whatever button you want. The colors on that remote don't actually match the colors being chosen for you that will fill those glass orbs hanging up there. It's essentially a surprise."
"How do I know I'm finished?" I inquired.
"You'll know," he assured me. "It'll be worth the end result. Trust me."
"I'll always trust you, Neo," I whispered. He actually opened his eyes with my declaration, and a tender smile formed on his lips before he bobbed his head and headed out of the glass cube.
"Begin, Willow," he announced from the other side. I wondered if he'd be able to hear me, but I guess it didn't matter. He was my mate, after all. But I ended up standing there like a deer in headlights.
"Willow?"Bria quietly whispered. I must have been standing there for a while because it felt like the painted layer was well into the drying process.
I don't know why I'm afraid.
"Have you ever voiced your insecurities out loud for your own ears to hear?"she inquired.
No...not really. I mean...I have for therapists, psychologists, friends, and obviously my lovers when asked.
"But never for yourself,"she concluded.
No. Never.
"Then I think this exercise is a good one,"she reasoned."Beneficial for you to embrace your femininity, and it's not like Neo is judging you."
She had a point and it didn't seem as scary with the thought of him being present. With a steady breath, my eyes locked on Neo as he stood outside the door, his arms relaxed by his sides and his eyes closed.
It was like he truly couldn't see me and I imagined that he wouldn't hear me either. It was just me in this glass cube that somehow emphasized my vulnerability. Maybe because these walls mimicked the invisible walls we put around ourselves, barriers that trapped us in a cube of insecurities that make us feel inadequate when compared to all those outside of these walls.
It didn't make sense at first, but maybe that was the point of this exercise. For me to acknowledge the walls I put up to try to protect myself from being hurt, when those walls were stopping me from being free and seeing myself for what I wished to be.
For seeing my own beauty by tearing down the walls I put up to protect myself from the world's opinions.
"I wish..." I began and took a steady breath. "I wish when I looked in the mirror, I saw a female looking back at me." My finger pressed the button, and Neo nodded just slightly to encourage me that that was correct.
"I wish I could be proud of my body rather than pick it apart because it can't do what it wasn't born to accomplish," I stated and pressed the button again.
It was getting easier as little things began to flow into my head and out of my mouth.
