AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He frowned at my words and I stomped right over to punch him in the chest. He coughed while I huffed in frustration.
"I'm mated to not one or two but three men, Viktor! You think when all three of them are almost impossible to feel, I don’t know you're talking about some important shit without me?" I spun around and began to walk back, but he caught my arm to stop me.
"You're making it seem like none of them were going to say anything," Viktor pointed out.
I tugged my hand from his and turned around to face him.
"Well? I'm alive with a beating heart and haven't been told shit. My wolf is just twiddling her paws, waiting for her Alpha and pack to give her the 411 updates because clearly if Milo is at the safe house, it means something was discussed, and seeing as you know about it, you were there and I'm the only one out of the loop."
"Willow, it's-"
"Excuses," I hissed. "I didn't fucking join the pack to be a one-hit-wonder and be acknowledged when it's conveniently comfortable. But of course, Dimitris being the wonderful Alpha he is, he has to ease me into my role as a Beta. And yet when he has to do deals and shit, he doesn't want me in the fucking room."
"That's why you're mad at him?" Viktor clarified.
"That's why you're mad at him?" I repeated with a high-pitched voice. "Oh what? I'm not allowed to be mad at my Alpha for excluding me in my duties as a Beta? I'm not allowed to be a part of deals he manages for our pack because of what? I may not have been included in the roles of Alpha, Beta, and all that pack bullshit wolf shifters do, but I'm not a blind fool, Viktor. As Beta, Dimitris should be speaking to me daily with updates about what I can do to make life easier, and yet he's carrying everything on his shoulders like a fucking asshole. But I'M the current burden because my body hates these fucking meds that make me feel like shit!"
Viktor sighed and began to take his gloves off.
"Dimitris can't concentrate with William around," he pointed it out.
"Aww really?" I blinked my eyes like I actually felt sympathy for my Alpha and with a blink, I was William giving Viktor a deep scowl. "Why doesn't he go suck a cock!'
"You're being irrational."
"YOU'RE supposed to be on my fucking side!" I snapped, and the entire room felt like it was briefly trembling. He didn't expect my anger, and I bit my lip and immediately switched back to Willow.
I need to cool down or I will fuck shit up.
"I am on your side," he quietly answered as he tossed the gloves away.
"And yet here we are, in the middle of this fucking ring, arguing! We never fucking argue unless you steal my damn chocolate, and you defending Dimitris makes me feel like shit because my body can't handle whatever fucked-up changes it's going through. I’m like a hormonal teenager, and no one else has the time to listen to me right now!"
It seemed to click to him that I was just fucking frustrated and wanted to get those words out into the world. To let it go, get on with life, and go the fuck to sleep so tomorrow could be way better than today.
"Willow," he whispered.
"If you don't want to be my bodyguard or something, you can just say so," I muttered, and noticed his eyes widened at my statement.
"Willow, I'm not implying that."
"And yet that's how I feel," I huffed. "Ever since you went to Russia, I feel like you've been around less and less. I have Onyx, Neo, Saint, and Jayce switching with you after you drive me to and from work, and it's harder to reach you unless I need something drastically done. How do you think it makes me feel when the man I've relied on for what surely has to be my entire life is suddenly distancing himself when I fucking need him!"
"I'm not..." he tried to argue, but he noticed my glassy eyes as I fought hard not to break down entirely.
"All of this is fucking hard, Viktor," I whispered. "I awakened my wolf and yet we've gone for one run as a pack together. She sits and patiently waits to be acknowledged, and I'm fucking struggling to get my ducks in a mental row because since I attempted suicide we haven't gotten a single fucking break. I'm the celebrity male-female hero in the tabloids and now the richest woman in NYC, and yet I'm caged in a safe house because the traffic in the city has been preposterous and when we try to go anywhere, it's booked, filled, or just far too late to bother. I went partying once because it was an elite event that surely had some business involved behind the scenes, and in the end, we were targeted somehow, and I can't even remember half of it. All I've done is sign contracts. I haven't fucked Onyx in a good fucking while because he's busy being an amazing stalker because my bodyguard is again nowhere around like he used to be. Neo balances his passion with his duties while somehow managing to find time to peek into my room when I'm pretending to be sleeping to make sure I'm okay, and Saint and Jayce rotate in security duties, so they can also ensure that I'm safe! Even though I'm pretty sure they're wishing to spend some time with me, too. That leaves Dimitris carrying the heavy weight of the pack when I'm supposed to be his second in command, and you know how that makes me feel?"
He bit his lip as my tears fell down my flushed cheeks.
"Useless," I whispered and shrugged. "Absolutely...fucking useless."
He was searching for words, and I didn't blame him as I ran my hands through my hair and noticed it had gone from light pink to pure white again. I huffed and shook my head.
"When I dreamed of being a wolf, I couldn't wait to not only be accepted but to have a proper role in my pack. When I became a wolf and we started this, I felt the validation. My power was acknowledged, I was made Beta, and I thought I'd finally be of use. Yet we're in the new year and I feel even more lost than before, my body is practically destroying itself while Papa Dearest is lying in bed on life support, and the weeks are counting down until I'll have to do something about the Pack House. My half-sister is running an extravagant fashion show and yet I know nothing else about her. I can't remember my own mother, let alone catch a glimpse of her face in my dreams. And with each day that goes by, my best friend is dealing with a shit ton of fuckery and I can't even do my diligence in being there."
His tense shoulders loosened as if he'd given up on trying to argue with me, and he approached me until he stood before me.
"So if I can't be a good CEO, can't figure out how to be a decent princess, and am struggling to be a royal mate while being a regular mate that I unexpectedly pulled when I was psycho, not to mention failing my duties as Beta, best friend, cage fighting champion, Alpha daughter, and girlfriend, and am creeping towards the borderline wall of insanity.... You tell me, what else am I supposed to feel aside from useless?"
