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"You're not...useless, Willow." His voice cracked as his thumbs brushed my tears away while his hands lightly gripped my cheeks.
"Yet that's exactly how I feel, Viktor," I validated. "And I'm trying my fucking best to just...to get through this like a fucking fighter...because that's what I've always done. Fight. Fight. Fight. But..."
I struggled to speak as I tried to blink away my tears.
"What if I'm getting tired of fighting? What if...I'm fucking frightened of what I'm becoming because...I don't think I'm normal anymore, Viktor. I'm not my usual normal...and it's fucking scaring me," I whispered as I stared into his eyes. "All this power...all this responsibility...all this worry...and I feel everyone is just distancing themselves from me...and...I...just..."
I bit my lip because I didn't want to admit it to him. Admit that I was spiraling into that exact same place as before.
That darkness that thought it would be better to jump off a cliff.
"I'm losing my way, Viktor," I whispered and hung my head low. "And...I'm scared no one is going to help me...find my way home."
He cursed and hugged me so tightly, I wondered if he'd break a bone or two. I didn't care because I needed his damn warmth right now. I felt so cold, so alone, and yet he was right here, hugging me desperately as if I were hanging by his grasp and on the verge of slipping down to my doom.
He let me cry and my sorrow made Bria begin to whimper until she was howling in my mind. These feelings were too heavy to bear, and I couldn't understand why today was when everything was crashing down. My world was crumbling when I'd done everything right today.
I took the double dose of my new meds this morning, felt like shit, but did what needed to be done to get Milo's daughter out of the system. I’d approved of her departure into his care, signed many contracts, and went through numerous business proposals. I forced myself to eat with Jayce's reminder, argued with Dimitris, got home, showered, passed out, came here to box with Victor, and now I was loose emotional cannon after being a raging boxer.
Not being able to find the fault just frightened me, because I was losing control, and if I couldn't get help, I'd mentally lose it.
I'm breaking...and I don't think anyone can save me from this.
"Willow."Dimitris's voice was quiet within my mind, but I could sense the immense worry in his call."We're on our way. Just breathe."
His words made me acknowledge my sobs as I cried into Viktor's tank top. I must have looked like a pitiful fool, and that made me cry even harder.
Something was ringing in the background, but I couldn't focus on that. I just had to breathe and get through what felt like an anxiety panic attack mixed with a dose of suicidal insanity.
"She's with me," Viktor snapped. "Something is fucking wrong. She's never broken down like this. She took the new doses this morning but was late on her evening ones because they made her ill." He paused and muttered a bunch of curses in what I could only assume was Russian. "Of course there's fucking traffic. Can Onyx or Neo get here? Worst timing...let me call Aurelia. She'll pick up if I call with this phone."
Viktor hung up and only held me tighter as the phone rang once. It had to be on speaker now because I could hear Aurelia's voice.
"Viktor! Is Willow-"
"Not fucking okay, Aurelia!" Viktor snapped back. "What the hell was in her doses? She's mid-breakdown, having suicidal thoughts, and earlier passed out after a seizure. Her energy levels are all over the place, and the others are stuck in intense traffic because of a massive accident."
"It wasn't an accident!" Aurelia snapped. "We have an imposter in the Coven!"
"What?"
"I should have seen the fucking signs, but I was busy dealing with a bunch of shit! One of our members betrayed us and that little child of a bitch assistant was working with them! She switched the drugs I prepped for Willow! Onyx called me to say she fainted after having a seizure and I realized the set of pills I'd created this morning were still in their package on my counter!"
"Shit," Viktor cursed. "How fast can you get here?"
"I'm taking a quicker route to you!" She was talking over whipping winds and it sounded as if she were driving a motorcycle. "Just stay inside! There's a whole magic grid on the city right now."
"Are you fucking kidding me? We're on lockdown?” Viktor snapped.
"There's nothing we can do Viktor," Aurelia snapped. "We're trying to stop this member from running and that's the best way! Avoid using magic if you can! Stay with Willow. I'll be there in literally five minutes!"
She hung up before he could say another word, but I was exhausted and shaking like a damn addict. I could feel Neo and Onyx's desperation to reach me mentally, along with Dimitris and even Saint, but I was so fucking tired of it all.
I just want to sleep.
"Willow."
Viktor forced my head up, and my tired eyes met his. His eyes softened as they struggled to not show the immense emotions that were flickering in and out as his wolf seemed closer to the surface.
