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Sinking to a place I doubt I'd be able to swim back from.
This level of frost was hard to endure, and I was slipping in and out.
"Wi...llow."
That voice. Someone kept trying to reach me. It felt like a broken telephone, only I knew they were calling my name again and again.
They were so far away, eons from wherever I'd landed. Had I tried to kill myself again? Did my Forbidden Pack know I didn't mean to?
I felt ashamed at the idea that I'd go against my promise, the swarming sensation fighting to be the extra weight needed to sink me further in this lagoon of dismay. I didn't want to die yet.
I have to tell them I didn't mean to do this...
Was it the medication that made me want to die? Was it the stress of everything moving so fast around me? The suffocating feeling made it feel as if I weren't enough.
What pushed me to the edge?
"Willow...come...me."
The voice was trying to reach me still, and it felt like a miracle because I was just in a world of darkness. It was cold, pitch black, and I was alone. I couldn't even feel Bria within my subconscious.
It's just me...
What happens if I don't make it?
Would Dimitris be mad that I died before I could prove to him I could carry the weight of a Beta and slowly take a step toward my rooted position as an Alpha?
How about Saint? Would he be ashamed that after all the times death had tried to claim me, I'd finally lost because no one was able to save me from its clutches?
Poor Jayce. I wanted to train with him. To simply figure out something we could do together so he would not be overwhelmed with grief over the loss of his mate. I wanted to prove to him that he could move on and by being around us, it would be easier to take a step forward.
Neo. Did I even want to think about the chaos he'd cause for my sake? I could imagine the blood that would be shed in my name, and I wondered if Nico would simply fuck it all and go on a mad killing spree. I wouldn't discount the possibility.
Onyx. His world would be cloaked in darkness with my death. He'd lose his sanity without me. I could guarantee that. Maybe not initially. Maybe he'd pray to Mother Moon to change the circumstances, just like he prayed for me to be his. Would he ever find out his heritage? Find where his royal blood came from? Would it matter to him? Could he be sweet if he was missing his Sugar?
The thought of Milo came into my mind, and though we hadn't really connected, I wondered if he'd be able to take his daughter home. To remove her from these lands so she could have a childhood filled with light and happiness.
Who knew how fae raised their young, but surely anything was better than our world of drugs, power, money, and greed. Anything was better than bloodshed.
I felt the tingling buzz along my lips, and it reminded me of Viktor. My poor bodyguard actually loved me. How long had he had feelings for me? Was it since I had a crush on him? Was it earlier than that? Why couldn't he have just been honest with his feelings? Maybe he was protecting me from his world of magic.
That's what Aurelia tried to do. It was one of the many reasons why we couldn't stay together. The world of magic was far more dangerous than our world of wolves. We held a level of morals that they sadly didn't, and it was enough to tug us apart.
Would she cry over my death? Would she finally escape the clutches of her family and realize how loved she was? Would she finally get rid of that bad assistant? Would my best friend finally allow herself to be loved after rejection after rejection?
I bet that was how it felt to her. That she could never be loved because of the family she was born into and what was at stake. Maybe my death could change that. My death could make her realize how short life was and that she deserved to be loved.
Deserves to be free.
I was losing so much strength, and the thoughts of all those I loved seemed to leave me in a moment of peace. Who knew what would happen to Roberto. Would he care if I died?
I never got to meet Ruby again, and I'd yet to see my mother. It was times like these when I wished I could grasp the memories that were surely deep within myself. To get a glimpse of her beauty, her power, and maybe see why I was who I was.
Maybe figure out why I was somehow able to do all I've done so far.
I hated this reality; that I was forced to give up. I didn't have any energy left to swim upward, but if I did, I would. Was this what I lacked to truly be an Alpha? That extra push of resilience to go against the strings of my reality and push my limits to new heights?
That surely was it. That was what Dimitris could see and I couldn't.
