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His eyes wouldn’t move from the flames, and though he was fighting so damn hard to hide his pulsing fear, I couldn’t ignore the trickles of it any longer. Slowly, I reached out to lightly lay my hands on his cheeks and gently moved his head so his eyes would return to mine.
“Does fire frighten you?”
I could feel his hesitation, the spike of nervousness and anxiety almost as overwhelming as sinking into the depths of frigid waters. It reminded me of that moment in time where my body continued to sink further and further into the dangerous waters that sought to consume me, but I pushed my own issues aside because I needed Loki to open up to me.
He needed to understand that I was on his side and he could rely on me if he needed a shoulder to lean on.
He closed his eyes for a moment, and I seemed to mimic the move by closing my own. It was just a few seconds, but the burst of flames in a sickly shade of green mixed with hints of blue and gold surged into the vision of darkness, and for a brief second, I could see the smiling illumination of the woman in question.
Then it was gone.
Opening my eyes slowly, I realized his eyelids were rising as well. The stare that locked us in an intense gaze proved that we’d seen the same vision, and though he didn’t seem like the type who would admit it, I could feel the immense wave of relief that went through him.
He was happy he hadn’t scared me away.
“I don’t fear it like I used to,” he finally admitted. “I…force myself to be around it. Desensitize myself. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t trigger me at times, but as long as it’s not lashing out on me, I’m okay.”
That was good enough for me, and I gave him a nod in understanding. I knew we didn’t have much longer before I’d have to return to my duties and get an update on what was happening on the outside, but I needed to dive into the main problem at hand.
“Are you comfortable with this founder position?” I officially questioned and decided to elaborate. “Since we survived the avalanche, I haven’t gotten a single chance to be alone with you. I’m sure you’re realizing that the pace of our life is rather fast, and the problem with fast is you don’t really get to stop and smell the flowers around you when something is accomplished. It never used to be this swift, but it feels like the stakes are getting higher and higher and our enemy list is growing and growing.”
I gave him a sad smile before my thumbs lightly stroked his cheeks.
“You’re the reason I’m breathing right now. Without you, Viktor wouldn’t have been able to reach me where I was. If I died…all hell would have broken loose, and I’m positive the others are grateful for your willingness to aid me when I couldn’t.”
“It’s my fault you got into that situation to begin with,” he muttered as his eyes further softened. “You…freed me from something I couldn’t do myself. When you think about it, I was only returning the favor.”
“Doesn’t mean you had to,” I stressed. “This world doesn’t care if you do good in the world, but it sure as hell notices when you do evil.”
He smirked slightly. “Ain’t that right.”
He closed his eyes and leaned forward so our foreheads pressed together. The mere gesture made me shiver as the tension in my shoulders seemed to fade out of my body.
“You don’t want me to leave,” he whispered quietly.
I tried to not admit it, but he’d hit the nail on the head.
“I fear I’ll turn my head away for a moment and once I look back, you’ll be gone as if you were never in my life. You’ll…leave as swiftly as you arrived.”
We remained that way for a long moment, and I knew he was thinking long and hard.
“Your world…frightens me,” he confessed. “Not the violence and mayhem. That’s what keeps me relatively sane, but…I’ve forgotten what it’s like to wear fancy attire, to wear fine silk and designer clothes. To drink whisky, smoke cigars, walk confidently with the men around me, knowing they don’t want to come together and stab me until I bleed to death. Loyalty…commitment…having the support you need in this cruel, backstabbing world, I’d erased many of those memories during my years in captivity…because all they brought was pain…and anger.”
I opened my eyes as he leaned back to show me his glassy orbs as they reflected a glimpse of his anger. “In the last ten years, I got a glimpse of the extent people would go to achieve power, fortune, fame. The way they would kill innocent orphans…children who had nothing to do with the shit our world dealt with in the shadows and just kill them like their lives didn’t mean a thing. There were sacrifices left and right before the moments where it felt like my life was just a ball of glass, waiting to shatter at any given moment. Every day was a fight for survival…so going from a life where you constantly have to fight to live to…this?” He paused as if to find his words. “To wake up on my own and not to the scorching pain of fire on some part of my body. To not feel the sharp sting from constant lashes or the freezing cold of the outdoors after being left there…naked…until that woman requests me and the rest of her slaves. I watched shifters die every day, Sweets.” His voice was so filled with heartbreak, I wanted to hug him and never let go. “And after all these years dreaming of coming back home and getting a feeling of what my old life was like…it’s finally coming true so fucking soon.”
Shit…
My tears fell like streams of water before I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him as tightly as I could. This was just a hint of what he’d experienced. I knew some of his scars were proudly displayed and further added to his protective and strong ego, but beneath were multiple wounds that were as fresh as the day he got them.
They were wounds that bled and begged to be seen. To rise to the surface so someone could acknowledge their existence and bandage them up so they could finally heal. I knew right there and then that if I discovered the extent of Loki’s suffering during the past ten years, I’d go on a rampage until every person that ever hurt him was one with the ground.
And I bet he knew that.
“I…still want to be a founder,” he quietly admitted as he hugged me even tighter. “I need a role. My whole life has revolved around having a role to follow. I don’t care if it’s stalking you every fucking day or if it’s aiding with the launch and maintenance of this place. I just need a purpose. Something to distract me from feeling useless like that bitch always told me I was.”
He needed a distraction so he wouldn’t get submerged by his traumas. I could at least provide that.
“Say no more,” I assured him. “I will do exactly that.”
