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Why did I have to be such an emotional being?
It was one of the qualities I wished I didn’t possess. I wanted to be those who could numb away the world and simply be cold. No guilt or internal conflict. Heck, I wouldn’t even have internal dialogue floating in my mind.
My life would center on being a doer and completing what needed to be done —no matter what actions needed to be taken to get the necessary results.
Some would deem it as being ruthless in nature, but who cared about that when you were nothing but an emotional pushover?
All my life I’d been deemed as nothing until this grand moment, and it hurt because I couldn’t numb away the pain it inflicted on my innocent soul. I couldn’t fight it from laying its marks and wounds upon my flesh and within myself.
Watching the tears continuing to stream down my cheeks only further validated my negative feelings. The depression of the situation matched with raw sadness regarding the fact that I had to move on because this was my new life now only made me want to break down and sob uncontrollably.
I hadn’t realized how “done” I was with this constant cycle of scrutiny. Done fighting and trying so hard to succeed and only to be slammed with another challenge or obstacle that awaited my uprising.
There was only so much one could take until they couldn’t anymore, and maybe I’d finally surpassed that limit. It scared me because the end result didn’t land with me ending it all with my own life.
It made me want to bring suffering onto so many people, starting with those nearing the top of my list.
With a sigh, I let my head hang low as I closed my eyes. I really did feel like giving up.I feltthat all the turmoil and pain was just a waste of my life span.
I wanted to question everything because so much was kept away from me. Hidden by my mother and anyone else involved while my father was forced to play the business puppeteer hoping to keep a hold on me while keeping their environment as a representation of perfection.
The quiet knock on the door startled me, but I kept absolutely quiet as I waited for someone to speak from the other side.
“Sweets? You okay?”
Loki.
I honestly didn’t think I’d face him so soon. I expected Viktor, Neo, or Onyx to be the ones awaiting me from outside or something, but I felt a bit relieved to no longer be alone.
I debated on whether to try to clean my face, to compose myself and show that I was ready to face whatever was waiting for me after passing out, but even attempting to smile simply encouraged more tears to pool in my glassy eyes, giving me away immediately.
The pain was all there.Screaming to be seen in the depths of my pupils.
Taking a trembling breath, I made it to the door and opened it just slightly while leaning against it for support. A mere glance up had me staring into those orbs with rings of silver, and one locked stare had them softening immensely.
“Can I come in?” His voice was so tender and absent of judgment, which made me try to smile again. I was sure it looked pitiful, as more tears streamed down my face, but I was really thankful he was here now that I could see him.
“If you don’t mind having a mess of a Willow…in your company,” I tried to joke, but my voice cracked midway. He furrowed his brows, clearly not liking my comedic attempt, but he helped open the door enough for his large frame to fit before I was in his arms the next second, the door closing shut behind him.
“You know I’d never mind being in your company,” he whispered as he hugged me tightly. "Rain or shine.”
"How romantic," I whispered against into the white t-shirt he was wearing. “You wearing white is intriguing.”
"Onyx stole the black one,” he muttered in annoyance, which actually made me sob a laugh because I could already see his sour pout of an expression and Onyx smiling like a damn fool.
"He knows white looks better on you.”
“Hmph. He cares about himself,” Loki grumbled but pulled back to look down at me. “Though white suits you just fine.”
“Ya cause you can practically see my naked ass in it,” I commented since I was wearing someone’s large t-shirt that reached my upper thighs.
With all the crying I’d been doing, my sense of smell was shit so I didn’t bother trying to figure out whose scent lingered on the cotton attire.
He couldn’t hide the amused flicker that swarmed his eyes as the corner of his lips lifted up just slightly.
“True.” He didn’t hide his hunger either. "But it would be rather insensitive to focus on wanting to fuck you instead of comforting you.”
“In normal circumstances, yes.” I moved to hug him again. “But right now…I kinda need a distraction.”
