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“You don’t want to confront this?”
I knew what “this” meant, but I slowly shook my head as I further pressed my forehead against his chest.
“Confronting ‘this’ is…scary…Loki,” I admitted with my barely audible voice. “I have to accept it, right? Accept that he ain’t reviving from the dead and coming back.”
I was already trembling from my words, as though I stood in the middle of a blizzard and couldn’t find my way home.
"I should be happy… I should…be grateful. There are so many things I should be, Loki…but being strong and accepting fate took away the foundation I stemmed my hate and agony on…is a challenge I don’t think I can overcome just yet.”
He didn’t say anything at first as his arms returned to wrapping around me. I bet I looked tiny next to him in this moment, but I deeply enjoyed the fact that I could get lost in his embrace.
“You don’t need to overcome it now,” he reasoned. “You need to migrate that pain to something else. To distract yourself so you don’t need to sit too long with your thoughts.”
His hand gently stroked my head before I felt the light kiss on the top of my forehead.
“You know…you became my new distraction when you freed me from the Vile Queen’s hold,” he confessed as he held me. “I was happy to gain freedom…but all I could think about was when my time would be up. When I’d be taken away once more and thrown back into that world of darkness and agony. When would that merciless woman show up and strike me with her forever flames and leave me in a prison for years to suffer for my betrayal? Smoking and keeping myself busy helped, but I needed a new distraction. A new diversion to silence the thoughts that rampaged through my mind in hopes of consuming me.”
He pulled back before using his hand to lift my head up by my chin.
“When I’m around you, it eases the fear. It allows me to push away the reminders that she’s still out there with her army and furious her righthand man is back where he belongs.”
“What do you do…when you’re not around me? When you’re alone?”
I wanted to know how he coped when he was by himself with those traitorous thoughts.
"Well, if you want full transparency, I masturbate,” he admitted with a wink as he watched me begin to blush.
“Your honesty is a genetic thing, isn’t it?”
That made him chuckle.
“I think about your hot, naked body wrestling a bear and get completely turned on.”
“Not the bear,” I groaned. “You still remember that?”
“Clear like it happened yesterday,” he emphasized, which made me sigh dramatically.
“Forget it!”
“And let go of the sight of you rising from the ground with the knocked out bear at your feet, all in your naked glory with the sun accenting your peachy, tattooed flesh?” he summarized. “Never.”
“Ugh.” I slapped his chest, though I didn’t even have enough strength to make any impact.
“Have a different memory of me being all free in the nude.”
“Like watching the flames of the fire dance against your sexy flesh?” he offered and watched me blush again.
“This conversation clearly revolves around me being naked.”
“It’s a good distraction, is it not?” he offered in return, which actually made me smile just a little bit.
“I guess,” I answered and quietly stared up at him. “Is…sex a coping mechanism even though the Vile Queen used it negatively against you?”
“Sort of?” He didn’t seem very sure as he took a second to think about it. “Pleasure in the realms of sex can’t be taken away from you. Sure, anyone can manipulate your arousal, but when you’re at a high of euphoria, that moment is your breath of freedom. No matter how bad the situation is, when you cum, you have those few seconds of relief. That chance of true freedom while embodying your needs.”
He shrugged and unraveled his arms from around me to wipe my wet cheeks with his thumbs. “Not sure if it makes sense, honestly, but that’s how I saw it. Even though those sexual acts held another sense of survival to them, it was the one thing I knew I could use to keep me sane. It sounds fucked up…well…it is fucked up, but it kept me going. When doing the deed, I never really thought of the Vile Queen anyways. Sure…she was in my face, and my duty with the others was to please her, but I never truly thought of her when committing those actions.”
“Then who did you think about?” I felt curious as to who he focused on, though I had a hunch of who it was. “Was it Ruby?”
