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“When Onyx and I shower…well, it usually ends up with us fucking and after that, everything else is kind of a blur,” she confessed. “Which is why I may seem rather awkward in a sense. To simply focus on rubbing the chaos of the day off someone else’s body…it's a bit satisfying to me, but also emphasizes how different our bodies are.”
I couldn’t help but turn around to face her, noticing her surprise at my move.
“I’m not done.”
“I know,” I whispered and cupped her cheeks with my hands. “There’s still something on your mind.”
She knew I’d pester her about it until she let whatever was truly on her mind free, but she combatted it by staring back at me. It was a bit interesting, the two of us naked, half covered in bubbles and standing in the middle of the glass shower.
I knew the wise thing to do would be to back down, but truthfully, I was done running away.
I want to move our relationship forward. To feel in tune with Willow just like the others.
“Do you hold back because you fear the idea of hurting me the same way you hurt your previous mate?” There it was. “I ask…because when we faced each other during my Beta initiation, you froze up. Back then, I simply assumed it was because you were having a triggered reaction or flashback, but that wasn’t the case, was it?”
How is she so observant?
“No.” I didn’t mean for my voice to sound so cold, but it was. No matter, it didn’t seem to push her away as she bobbed her head slowly.
“Then, it was because you feared you’d lose control? Or better yet, the Dubai hybrid fae who controlled Dimitris to say those mean words to me back then would be lurking in the shadows, waiting to take hold of you in your heightened state and make your worst nightmare a reality again,” she offered and noticed the way my eyes darkened. “Only it would be me as the culprit of your enraged fury.”
She hit the nail on the head perfectly.
“Do you know how it feels to be mentally aware of what’s happening to you but have no way of stopping what’s about to transpire?”
“Yes,” she replied with a sad smile. “When I fell out of the plane, my consciousness was slipping away, but I knew what was going to happen. Knew…that it would only be a matter of time before I crashed into the waters below. That my life would end and no level of struggle would have helped me survive my ultimate fate.”
Fuck…
I didn’t actually think she’d bring that up, which was why I felt like an utter jackass for asking my question.
“Don’t feel bad.” She tried to give me a peaceful expression while her arms hooked around my waist, which brought me right against her. “You know what’s weird? I felt a bit more at peace falling out of that plane versus when I’d been driven off the bridge. Not sure if it's because the distances to the water are significantly different, but truthfully, somewhere inside me, I held a bit of faith that my life wouldn’t end. It was a tiny pinch, but it was present.”
“Versus when your car crashed off the bridge, you had no hope you’d survive?” I dared to ask.
“I didn’t necessarily think I was going to perish from sinking to my doom. Hmm. I’d say my concern bounced between being captured or simply running out of oxygen and drowning,” she summed up. “I guess either scenario confirmed I had a shit ton of regrets and a bigger list of ‘who deserves to perish at my hands’ if I did survive, which I did, thankfully.”
“We all have regrets,” I admitted and leaned down to press my forehead against hers. “I know I do.”
“Do you regret liking me?”
“Never.” The single statement held so much fucking truth, and it only pained me that she even thought that way. “My distance makes you think that, doesn’t it?”
“Not really?” She didn’t sound sure as she ended up moving her head back so she could hug me tightly. “Just sometimes…when it’s quiet and I’m forced to think. I haven’t had much time to do that since getting kidnapped, dying, coming back to life, getting invited to be tested and confronting Dark Lord Saint, and somehow recruiting another unexpected pack member, but when you were washing me up, the thought crossed my mind briefly.”
“I’m sorry, Willow.” I genuinely meant it. “You know that’s not my intention.”
“I know.” Her voice seemed too fragile now as it echoed quietly in the hollow bathroom.
I couldn’t help but hug her back, wishing I could do something to remove the thought from her mind permanently.
“She questions your love for her since you two aren’t bonded.”There was my wolf with the obvious.“Think about it. Dimitris, Neo, Saint, and Onyx have mate marks on her. Viktor is her Master in the magic realms, and it's obvious he loves the shit out of her even though he tries to hide it because he’s still her bodyguard. Milo may not have marked her yet, but he hasn’t been here for long. However, he still reassures her with his intentions which are clear as day. Loki is bonded with her thanks to the removal of the magic collar, and now look. The Arthur dude not only got a golden ticket into the pack, but I’m rather positive he’s bound to Willow because the magic collar ownership was transferred. Not revoked. We’re literally the only ones that have nothing to show.”
We imprinted on her before…
“More like your Inferno Devil side imprinted on her. That over-possessive powerhouse of a flaming entity did. Not you. Even if he did, you haven’t done anything else to validate your love for her. Don’t go try to bring up you being all Ghost Rider and getting her out of the car situation on the bridge in the hopes that counts, cause it doesn’t. She was practically unconscious the whole time.”
Are you done lecturing me?
