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“Babe, we gotta meet Lio. Please trust me,” he said, holding my eyes.
“Okay.” I sighed. “But don’t be annoyed when Lio or his partner don’t believe me.” I thought it fair to give Dakota the warning.
“Catch you later, Pyro!” Shee called, and it caught in my brain. I waited until we were outside before asking Dakota the burning question.
“Hellfire call you Pyro. Do they know what happened?” I asked gently.
“They knew I’d been in a fire and burned. Hellfire didn’t know the circumstances apart from Chance and Diesel, but Diesel knew more than Chance. Diesel’s my closest friend, and he did the ink to cover the scarring.”
“Is there much scarring?” I worried as we walked towards his Harley.
“No, because a doctor at the hospital had learned of a technique and trialled it on me. The Doc inserted a bag under my skin and inflated it every couple of days, forcing the skin to grow around it. He did it on my stomach and back, and finally, he sliced the excess skin off, cut away the third-degree burns, and covered it with the new skin. The process worked, and it removed most of the deeper burns. I was left with minimal scarring from the skin removal and replacement. Diesel covered them for me with tattoos. I’m surprised you didn’t know.”
“Dad might have done, but it was never mentioned to me. But isn’t Pyro insensitive?”
“No, I picked the name. To be honest, I’m fuckin’ terrified of fire. Every moment I saw a naked flame, I freaked the fuck out. Over time, it became more than a phobia, and it paralysed me. When I applied to Hellfire, I told Chance and slowly, he, Diesel, and Bear got me acclimated to fire. I chose the name Pyro to face my fears, but now and again, the phobia bites me in the ass.”
“Have you had therapy?”
“More than you could imagine. And the therapist who helped me the most was Big Al. He’s Hellfire’s Chaplin. He listened and gave me a safe space to work from. Now I’m in a place I don’t run from fire, but I fuckin’ hate it,” Dakota admitted.
“And so Pyro became a badge of honour?” I surmised, and Dakota nodded.
“Yup, proved I’d beaten my phobias and fears and was strong.”
“I understand,” I said, and I did. Dakota’s father pouring gasoline on him and then flicking a lighter had to have caused significant psychological damage. That’s without mentioning the burns he’d got. Dakota had suffered too much in his young life, affecting him as an adult. Shit may have been different if Mom and Dad had adopted Dakota, but we’d never know the answer to that.
“You know something, Janey? When Dad set that fire, and I saw the flames, I never doubted Tom would show up for me. I’d seen you running and screaming for him. Tom wasn’t a fighter, not like Dad, but I knew Tom would come. I prayed for him to hurry, and now I feel guilty because Tom got injured too. And those injuries caused Tom’s death, and I’m so sorry for that. I’ll never be able to make up for causing Tom’s passing, but I will give my life to protect Tom’s little girl,” Dakota said as he swung onto his bike. I froze.
“Do you want me because of guilt?” I asked. Dakota’s head shot around, and the look on his face made me step back.
“Fuck no. I loved you then, with all the purity of a child’s heart. Whatever I feel for you, I’ll never have for another woman. It may be fast, and it might be so intense that I burn up with my feelings for you. But it’s not fake or guilt. It’s real. Janey, I want every inch of you, good and bad, and I can’t imagine not having you again. Honestly, I think I punished myself by forgetting you. Because I thought I didn’t deserve you or your family, I forced myself to forget the perfect times with you all. That was a punishment I felt I’d earned. But I won’t allow that warped thinking to ruin us.”
“Okay.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Dakota, however, had plenty to say.
“Ain’t going to be no one else for me. Janey, I’ve been searching this whole time for you and didn’t even know it. When Chance settled down, I was overjoyed because that’s how Rage caught their women. As soon as Drake laid claim to Phoe, the brothers fell, one after another. That’s what I hoped for when I watched Chance with Clio. And lo-and-behold, Bear and then Celt got their wives. Baby, I’m fuckin’ grateful I haven’t had to wait long.” Dakota took a deep breath.
“Yeah, I got my darkness Janey, and it climbs out of its cage now and then. And sometimes I’ll regress to that hurt child, but I’m a man and your man, and no matter what, I’ll be there for you. If you tell me you can’t cope with my darkness in a year, fine. Letting you walk will gut me, but I’ll do it because it’s best for you. But I’ll be in the shadows, watching your back, making you safe, celebrating your joys and mourning your losses. You’ll never be alone again, Janey. I want to tie you tight to me, but I know I need to let you live and breathe freely. That I can sure as fuck give you.”
“Dakota!” I cried and flung myself into his arms. Dakota kissed me, another toe-curling event that left us breathless, before ordering me onto the back of his bike and pulling out of the forecourt.
Numbly, I stared at the alley entrance where I saw the murder. It was to the side of the library, and I turned my back on the alley for a few moments, unable to control the panic that began rising. Instead, I studied the familiar lines of the old building and remembered my job inside it. I’d made head librarian within five years of starting there. Working hard to gain the promotions that steadily came my way, I often worked twelve-to-fourteen-hour days without the extra pay. My entire life had existed around that building. I wondered why, now.
If I was brutally truthful, it was because I could use it to escape the emptiness of my life. Working so hard kept loneliness at bay, and I loved books and reading, but they’d provided a barrier against the real world. A world I’d been horrifically thrust into when I witnessed the murder. Did any of the staff honestly care I was missing inside? I knew somebody did because of the police report, but did they think about me or truly miss me?
I spied two posters on the side of the doors, and scrunching my eyes, I saw they were missing posters with my picture on. So that answered my questions. Someone in there did care. A small smile crossed my lips as I glanced at my arms and clothing. If I walked in there right now, none of them would recognise me. Despite working together for so many years. I knew a lot about them but shared nothing from my life because I’d had nothing to discuss with them.
No failed dates, no family drama, no funny stories. A brick hit me when I suddenly understood how empty my life had been and how full it was now working at Magic’s bar. There I had people I could class as friends, however loosely the term might be. Inglorious and Lance, Scythe and Tiger, the members of their MCs. The pub staff who I joked around with. Quietly, staring at the library, I understood I wouldn’t be returning, but I’d let them know what had happened. I earned more at the bar than I did in the library, and I was happier at the bar.
“Are you okay?” Dakota asked quietly. I’d been standing silently for ages, I realised, as he peered into my face.
“Just realising I wasn’t happy in my old life and how much happier I am now. Janet Revers would never have sung in public nor danced on a bar. She would have been judgemental about bikers and shied away from them. Janet had lived a secure, tidy life in a safe little world until it wasn’t. And she’d no idea how to cope with that,” I said somewhat bitterly.
“But you did. Janey, you got a damn good fake identity, survived the cops disbelieving you and a bullet to the gut. And then went and recreated yourself. Or maybe you regressed to the version of Janey you should have always been. You may have been unprepared for what life would throw your way, but you coped and did so wonderfully. A lot of people would have crumbled. Instead, you drew on the strength your parents have instilled and created an entirely new life.”
“You believe that?” I asked, thinking how much harder Dakota’s life had been compared to mine.
“Fuck yeah, and Janey, we’re only just beginning. I’m betting you got a lot more to show me,” Dakota said, admiration in his eyes. I hoped I earned that.
