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Dinner is amazing, and I am beyond stuffed. Jase left early and I’m worried about him, but I’m trying to keep up a good front, so as not to ruin this night for the other guys in my life. “So, just a quick pop in. Seriously, I don’t want to be here longer than an hour,” Lay says, facing me and taking my hand to lead me to the Kippa House. I haven’t been back since the pinning ceremony, and if I could avoid it now I would. A chill runs down my spine and I stop walking. I don’t know why, but I know I shouldn’t go into that house tonight. The guys circle me and I give them a shaky smile. “Tonight has been perfect and I just wanted you all to know that I love you and if it wasn’t for you guys saving me these past few months I probably would have gone insane. I know it’s mandatory for you guys to go into that party, but I don’t want this night to end. I suggest going back to the Hawthorne House. Maybe have a party of our own.” I suggest with a wink and Xavier groans, moving closer to me to kiss me hard. “I am so in,” he mumbles against my lips and I smile. Connor pulls him away and gazes into my eyes. “You really love me?” he asks and I nod, before placing a sweet kiss on his lips. He smiles so wide, then rests his forehead against mine. “I’ve been waiting a really long time to hear those words,” he says just for my ears, then pulls me tight to his chest. I glance at Lay and he shoots me a wink. I already know he loves me and he knows I feel the same way. “So ditch the party then?” I ask and they all nod. I spin to leave, but someone starts screeching from the porch. “Are you guys leaving? You can’t leave!” I groan and drop my head, looking at my shoes.So close.
I spin and give Ella a big smile and shrug. “Can you blame me, look how hot my guys look right now,” I say with a smirk. Her eyes flare and she stares down Xavier for a moment, recognition flashing in her eyes. She gives me a fake smile and waves us closer. I glance at the guys and they start moving her way. She has a crocodile smile on her face and the shivers run down my spine once more.
I should have known something was wrong. There were so many signs. I should have known when Jase faked a stomach ache and left early, refusing to kiss me goodbye. Only to find him at the makeshift bar with Penny and East. I should have known when I walked into that party, only to have everyone's eyes on me, before they started to whisper and laugh. I should have known when I saw the projector playing some kind of soft porn, that I tried to avoid looking at. I should have known when Jase came over to say he’s sorry over and over again. I should have known when I got a good look at who was on the screen. I thought it was Jase until the camera zoomed in on a small infinity tattoo behind the guy's ear. I glance at Jase and I am shoved aside. Connor has him on the floor smashing his face in. East comes over to pull him off and he turns on him.
I rush out of the house, Connor and Lay screaming my name behind me. I reach the front steps and take a deep breath in, trying to control my shaking and sobs. Lay grabs me and pulls me to his chest. “I didn’t know, Carson. You have to believe me. I didn’t know,” he says over and over again. I pull away from him and gaze into his emerald green eyes for the last time. “I believe you Lay, but we can never be together, you don’t just belong to me. I’m sorry. I have to go.” I leave him staring after me with tears running down his face. So broken, but I have to get away from this place. I can’t be the one to hold him up right now. It’s time Dorothy returned to Kansas.
I should have known things would end this way. I’m just some backwoods hillbilly. I never belonged here. I should have known, so why didn’t I?
Thirty-Nine
Carson
I throw another top into my suitcase and glance around. Sassy is standing in my doorway on her way to crying once more. I feel numb. I can’t believe they did that to me. I’ve never hurt a soul, so why do people constantly hurt me? Am I not meant to be loved? Yeah my family loves me, but when it comes to finding real love, I guess I’m not worth it.
My phone dings once more and I grab it from the bed and chuck it as hard as I can at the wall. Sassy yelps, but I don’t care at this point. They broke me. Jase, and East are truly dead to me.
The dorm room slams open and a fuming Connor is standing there looking at my destruction.
“I can’t believe he did that to you, Cara.” He goes to move closer, but Sassy holds him back. I chance a glance at his eyes, he looks almost as broken as me. If that’s possible.
“I’m sorry, Con, I just need some time, okay? I need to leave this place before it truly destroys me. I love you.”
Sassy whispers something to him, but I can’t hear it. He turns, grabbing his short hair tight and screaming, before storming out of the room, slamming the door in his wake. I jump and Sassy moves closer to me.
“Cara, please you don’t have to leave. Don’t let them take away the one thing you worked so hard for.” She holds her hand out at me, but I inch further away from her. “You don’t need to be in a sorority. Stay here with me. I mean, Jhonson Hall isn’t that bad,” she says, grabbing my bag, preventing me from packing anymore. Tears fill my eyes once more, and I plop on the floor by my desk, my back hitting the wall. I can’t stay here. They’ve ruined me. Who would want me now after that video? I pray my dad hasn't seen it. I’m a disgrace. How could I let someone change the core of who I am? I wipe my eyes and glance her way. Love and sadness cloud her face.
“I don't know what I would do without you, Sassafras.”
She pulls me up from the floor and into her arms, holding me as I truly let the pain and sorrow wash over me.
“I'm so stupid,” I whisper into her neck. She rubs my back one more time, then gently pushes me away. I glance into her autumn eyes and she looks like she’s on the verge of crying again as well. I know she needs me here. But I just can't stay.
“You’re amazing, Carson, and they are the ones who are stupid. They don't realize they just lost the best thing in their lives.”
I snort and shake my head. They got what they wanted and decided I wasn't worth more.
“Don't even get me started about those Kippa bitches. I told you you were too good for that house.”
All my hopes about having an amazing experience and a lifetime of sisters were crushed the moment I walked in that front door.
“It’s not just that, Sassy,” I whisper, “I mean yes, I always dreamed of following my mother’s path.” I pause and give a demented chuckle. If only she could see me now. Her hope, her legacy. I really fucked that up.
“Stop that right now,” Sassy snaps at me. “I can see those bad thoughts running through your head, and you are wrong, Cara.”
I snort and wipe my nose on the sleeve of one of the guys' hoodies. I should burn them all. I should burn their house down, but I would never do something like that. I guess I haven’t gone insane to that point yet. I still have an ounce of humanity within me.
“I need to go, Sassy.” I choke out before pinching myself to stop the new tears from falling.
“What are you going to do? You should at least finish this semester then maybe transfer.”
“No, I need to get out of Texas. I've had a backup plan from the beginning. I just hoped and prayed that I wouldn't need it.”
She plops on my bed and looks so broken I can't handle it.
“Please, Sassy, don't cry.”
