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I take a deep breath, swallow down the nausea and hit dial. My hands shake as I bring the phone to my ear and wait for his answer.
“Well hello there stranger,”someone not Memphis says.
“Um hi,” I answer skeptically.
“Give me my phone you dork.”A familiar growl rings out. I chuckle though it's weak.“Hello?”Memphis says.
"Hey Ten I See."
“Shortcake.”He gasps,“God it's great to hear your voice. How are you? Where are you?”
I roll my eyes. He’s not fooling anyone. I know Frankie told him I returned home. But I’ll play this game if he really wants. I’m just so glad to hear his voice too.
“I'm back home, college was great,” I lie, “but it's not for me.” He swears, but I'm not sure if it's in anger or excitement. He’s quiet for a minute as if in thought, then he finally speaks.
“Listen, I need to talk to you about something, but now is the worst time. We have rehearsal in about five minutes. Schedule is insane right now. Can I call you in a few days?”he rushes out and I swallow, trying to keep the disappointment from my tone.
“Oh yeah sure,” I get out quickly, my heart beating so fast. I don’t want him to go. I want him to come home and hold me. Comfort me like he’s always done.
“Great, love you, miss you, bye.”He hangs up before I can answer back. I hold my phone in front of my face as if in a trance. What the hell was that about? He seems off. I hope everything's okay. I wonder what he needs to talk to me about.
I lie back on my pillow, and do something I know I shouldn't. I open up my photos and watch some videos I made with the guys. Ya know after everything they put me through, I still miss them. They broke me in ways I can’t fathom, but I still love them. Just another stupid girl. Letting a man, well not even one man, destroy my future. I think I’m more angry with myself than them.
I power my phone off, chuck it on the table, and stare at the white wall until I fall asleep. Frankie knocking on the door jolts me awake.
“Cara honey, I have some soup for you.”
I slowly shuffle from the bed, getting my ankles caught in my blanket and move towards the door. “Thank you,” I say in a croaky voice while opening the door. Frankie gasps and looks at me worried.
“Honey, you don't look well. I think we may need to see the doctor. I’ll go with you if you’d like,” she says in a soft, motherly voice. I shake my head adamantly.
“No, I hate the doctors. If I’m not better by Monday, then I'll consider going. Thank you for the soup.” I take the tray and give her a weak smile, and take it back to my bed, I don’t bother shutting the door. I can feel her presence behind me.
“Anytime sweetie,” she says, then takes her phone out. I thought she was just going to call someone, but she must have taken a picture of me. I eat my soup slowly, but can hardly stomach a few bites. My dad comes stomping up the steps in a rush, startling me.
“Frankie was right, baby girl, you look like death. Let’s go get your things. We're going to the doctor.” I know my eyes are wide right now in shock, because he says, “Do not give me that look Carson Star.”
I really hate doctors. After being around them so much when my mama was sick just the smell of antiseptic makes me gag. I don’t think that will ever change.
“What if I just pop down to the pharmacy and get some meds? If I’m not better in the morning then you can make an appointment,” I rush out and he sighs. He takes a seat on the edge of my bed, and reaches for my hand. I place my palm on his and he gives me a small squeeze. Looking at me fiercely, I know he can see I’m barely holding together. My soul’s been shattered, and I know he can see the hurt shining in my eyes. Placing a hand on my cheek he bends down, pressing a small kiss to my forehead, before leaning back and standing from the bed. He gives Frankie a look and sighs.
“Some fresh air will do you good.”
I give him a shaky smile, then throw the covers off. They leave and I stand on shaky legs to put some clothes on, not caring if I look like shit. I pull my cowgirl boots on and stop in the bathroom to at least brush my teeth. My skin is pale, almost grey, and my eyes are dull. My hair is a knotted mess, so I grab a clip and throw it up into a messy bun. I take a few deep breaths, preparing myself to leave the house for the first time in over a week.
You can do this Carson. You’re miles away from them.I laugh at that and open the door. The fresh air hits me and the smell of fresh cut grass settles my stomach for the first time in days. I leave the porch and move towards the barns. Maybe just a walk will help and I can skip the pharmacy. I slide the door open, and the sight before me has tears coming to my eyes.
“Oh my god, you are just the cutest,” I whisper, slowly walking closer and dropping to my knees on the hay. Five baby kittens and my cat Oreo greet me, and I know I won’t be returning to the house tonight. Memphis and I used to sleep in these barns growing up, and I think I still have a sleeping bag in the loft. I climb to my feet, careful not to step on any rambunctious kittens, and hustle over to the ladder. I get to the top and pause. The sleeping bag is rolled out and some empty chip bags are scattered. I also spot one of our old notebooks open on the pillow. Has someone been here recently? I move over to the bag and roll it up, then grab the notebook as well. I can only imagine what's in this one. Then I climb down the ladder and set up a bed beside Oreo and her babies. I pick an orange and grey little girl up and love on her.
Ever since I’ve been back I’ve felt lost, but now being back in one of my favorite places, I feel a sense of peace and that everything is going to be okay. I take a deep breath in and sigh. Yeah this is what I’ve been needing.
Nine
Memphis
“Alex please!”
He slams the door in my face again. If we’re not on stage performing then he’s avoiding me at all costs. I don’t know how much longer we can keep this up. I slam my fist on the hard wood of his door and I hear a giggle from behind me.
