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Oh God. My dad is going to kill me. I toss the test and throw the lid up, losing my lunch in the porcelain bowl.
How could I let this happen?
e
I stay with Lee for a few hours. Sam and Cassie showed up at some point after the reveal and the vomiting. They sat me down and wouldn’t let me leave until I told them every sordid detail from the last few months. Sam was ready to drive to Texas and kick some asses, and Cassie just cried with me. We polish off the last of the ice cream and I feel a little better. Now that I know why I’m sick, I feel as though a weight has lifted. Don’t get me wrong, more stress is now added, but I feel at...peace...maybe.
But I know I can’t delay the inevitable.
“Thank you for always being there for me. I don’t know what I would do without you guys and you really need to meet Sassy. Maybe someday.” I shrug and stand from the couch.
“I should go. I need to have a talk. Pray for me.” I say goodbye and they jump off the couch and give me big hugs. Sam offers to drive me home, but I need the walk to clear my head.
I walk out the door and start the walk home. I pass the elementary school and stop for a minute watching a few little ones play on the playground. The same one my mom would take Memphis and me. Fuck! I wish she was here with me. Especially now. I look up to the sky and let the tears fall. I wipe my cheeks and sigh. I guess now we know why I’ve been so hormonal. I should feel some relief. I haven't gone crazy after all.
I take one more glance at the swings and whisper, “I miss you, Mama. I wish you were here. Please watch over us.” I place my hand over my flat stomach and make a promise right now to always protect this little jelly bean.
My phone buzzes and I answer without looking at the caller ID. My mind's a mess and I’m clearly not thinking.
“Carson,”Layton breathes, before sniffling. Fuck! Right now is really not the best time for this conversation. I know he doesn’t deserve the same treatment as the others. Well him, Xavier and Connor; but he had to call today of all days. I shake my hand out and contemplate hanging up. He must know my thoughts because he shouts,“No, please baby don’t hang up. I need you. I need you so bad.”I cringe at the volume he shouted and whisper back.
“Hi Lay.”
He gasps and starts to cry. I close my eyes and lean against the metal fence. His heart is breaking and I feel evil, but my heart is also broken.
“God, I've needed to hear your voice so badly. How are you? I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too, Lay. Everyday I think of you and I smile, but then a memory of Valentine's Day hits and it’s like a wrecking ball to the chest all over again. I know you didn’t do anything, and I’m sorry I’ve been treating you as if you had. But I still need some time. I hope one day that will change.” I take a deep breath and wait for my throat to unchoke. “But right now is not that time. I need some more space. Please can you give me that?”
He sniffles again and my heart breaks more.
“Yeah Carson. I would give you the world if I could. Please just don’t disappear on me. I don’t think I can survive you not being in my life… Even if it’s just as a friend.”I wince at ‘friend’ and nod my head. Even though I know he can’t see me.
“Yeah, Lay I could use another friend.” Especially now.Oh god is he the father?My stomach churns again and I know Jelly Bean is going to make me lose that ice cream. “Listen, I have to go. Please don’t call again. Not yet, but maybe we could text?”
“Yes, I’d love that. I know you need time...I was just calling to say goodbye. I need to go away for a little while. I’m not doing well, but I'm going to get better. I just needed to hear your voice before I left. I love you, Carson. I always will.”He rushes the last part out then hangs up before I can respond. Wait! He’s leaving? Where is he going? I call him back but reach his voicemail.
What the hell just happened?!?
e
I made it home somehow. My head is completely in a fog and I don't think about any of my actions. I walk in the door and my dad is in the living room. “Hey baby girl, you've been gone a bit. How are you feeling?”
“I'm pregnant,” I blurt out and cringe. A glass shatters behind me and I spin to a shocked Frankie, pressing a dish towel to her mouth.
She snaps out of it and bends to pick up the glass, “Oh I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I just came to let you know I made some homemade soup for supper. Thought it would help settle your stomach, but now I guess we know what's bothering it.” Her eyes zone in on my flat belly and she gets a small wistful smile on her face. “A baby,” she mumbles. I chance a glance at my dad, he's frozen, staring off into space. I watch him for a moment. His face changes from shock, to anger, to acceptance, to… is that a small smile?
“Okay,” he finally says in relief. Wait, what?
“What do you mean okay? You should be screaming at me right now.”
He shakes his head and wraps me in his arms. “Frankie and I knew something was going on, baby girl. We were worried it was drugs. This isn’t much better, but we can handle this. Have you told Connor yet? I need to have a conversation with that boy,” he growls and my face pales.
Oh fuck!How am I going to tell my dad it could be any of my guys’ baby?
“How about we move this to the kitchen and have some of that soup? Plus now that I know you’re dealing with morning sickness I have the perfect tea for you, sweetheart,” Frankie says, coming to my rescue. I give her a nod and let her guide me to the kitchen. We take a seat around the table, and Frankie hustles to make me something to help settle the nausea. My dad and I stare at each other for a few minutes until she returns with a steaming mug of something green and a bowl of soup for my dad.
I lean over the cup, blowing the steam away, and my father huffs. “Cara, I know you have a lot going on in your mind right now, but answer my question. Does Connor know?”
