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I pass a field of sunflowers and immediately picture Carson and me having an afternoon picnic there. That day at Mable’s still is one of the best days of my life. A life that I almost ended. I can’t believe I was so stupid. I have so much to live for, and I know that now. Do I still have demons that want to bring me back to the darkness? Yes and I always will. You never truly outgrow trauma and PTSD, but you can learn to live with it and not let it control your life.
Just being here away from Texas, I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I’m scared but excited for what my new future holds. I want to live life to the fullest, and hopefully Carson will be standing by my side as I do it. Jase…No, Layton.I shake my head and keep thoughts of him away.
Today is a new day. It’s going to be a good day.I repeat the mantra they taught us at the facility and take a few more deep breaths of the fresh country air.
A red pickup zooms by me, kicking up a bunch of dust, and I cough. Their brakes slam and they reverse a few feet till they reach me. A cute blond rolls down his window and gives me a smile.
“Sorry ‘bout that handsome. Not many people walk down these backroads.” He shoots me a wink and I actually feel my cheeks heat. Holy hell is this man hot. Blue eyes as dark as a navy sky, wearing a ripped tank, letting his thick arms be on display. I find myself licking my lips. He watches my tongue and smiles. “Need a ride?” I reach in my bag for my bottle of water and take a couple sips, then answer him with a nod.
“That’d be great thanks.” I walk around the truck and climb up to the passenger seat. I’m probably an idiot for getting into a truck with a stranger, but he looks familiar.You are an idiot. You’re an idiot coming here. Thinking she still wants you.I close my eyes and take a deep breath, before glancing at the guy beside me. He asked me something but I missed it.
“Sorry. I missed that, what?”
He chuckles and points to the road. “I said where to?”
I groan and rub my eyes. “Sorry, I’m exhausted. Can you take me to the Matthew’s Ranch please?” He claps his hands startling me and puts the truck into drive.
“I knew you looked familiar. You were down here over Thanksgiving right? With Carson and some other guys?”
I give him a nod. “Hey, yeah I’m Layton. I thought I recognized you too.”
He holds out his fist in a bump and I return it with a smile.
“Levi,” he says in return.
“Thanks for giving me a ride. I had every intention of walking, but fuck it’s hot out there.”
He chuckles and snorts. “Summer hasn’t even fully hit yet. Just wait till you're dripping with sweat the minute you step outside.” He takes his eyes from the road and gives me a once over, biting his lip. He clears his throat and keeps talking. I feel flushed, and I don’t think it’s from the heat outside. He has the AC cranked and I know my nipples are hard. “We all go down to the creek behind Harry’s ranch. If you walk about two miles from the last barn and follow the creek to the river, you will more than likely find a group of us. We go tubing. Anything really to stay cool.”
“That sounds like fun actually. I’ll have to ask Cara about it,” I say, and his smile shrinks a little.
“Right, I don’t know how you got a girl like her to actually pay attention. I tried. Hell, half of our town tried. But she always only had eyes for her best friend. Not that I blame her. Glad to see that's changed.”
He flips the radio on, and we drive a little ways in silence. I think about what he just said.Best friend?Does he mean Memphis? Her stepbrother?Wow you really are a stupid fuck. Of course it’s Memphis. You saw the way he looks at her. You’ve even had fantasies of him with Cara.I close my eyes and sigh. Will the voice in my head ever go away? I don’t know what's worse. What it says, or that it sounds like my dad.
“Sorry dude, I didn’t mean to make things awkward. Cara is a great girl. I’m just a little bummed is all. I thought you were into guys from what I saw at the bar. But don’t get me wrong I’m glad she’s found someone to make her happy. After Miss Daisy passed… I’m just glad she's no longer lost.” He clears his throat and shoulder bumps me, swerving a bit on the road. “So what ya doing here? I heard Cara was back too, but haven’t seen much of her. Are you working for Harry? Good man, her dad. He gave me and my brother jobs when we had to take care of my mam.”
I take in everything he just said and frown. “I’m here to make things better between us. I just hope I get my foot through the front door. And yeah that guy you saw me with is my ex. I'm bi,” I mutter and he looks at me.
“Well I know we just met, but if you need a place to crash you can always call me,” he says with lust in his eyes. I bite my lip and look out the window.
“Thanks.”
Levi pulls up in front of Carson’s home and I hop out. “Hey, before you run off, give me your number. We should get together while you're in town, hang out. Or if you need a place...” he trails off and I think it over.
“Yeah, sounds good. I could use a friend,” I tell him pointedly and he smirks, licking his lower lip, but nods.
“Shame, but yeah, I get it man.”
I give him my number then shut the door, watching as he peels out of the driveway, kicking gravel and dust up as he goes. I turn and face the front porch. The porch where Jase and I got caught making out by Memphis. Where a great vacation turned horrible and East took off and started dating Penny. I sigh and start up the white washed wood steps.
I ring the bell and send off a last minute silent prayer. I’m still looking up at the sky when the door swings open. I take a deep breath then look forward. Frankie is there with her mouth open as if she’s seen a ghost.
“Layton, what are you doing here honey? Is everything okay?” I give her a tired smile and shake my head. I am on the brink of crying again, but anxiety is getting the best of me. She doesn’t love you anymore. You’re too late. She’s moved on.No, Carson does love me. I know she does. I feel weakness setting in, but I need to be strong for me. For her. For us.
I take another deep breath in and let it out slowly. Frankie gives me a once over then sighs.
“Is Carson here? I really need to talk to her,” I choke out and she blinks slowly.
