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Me: Lay…
Lay: I know. Whenever you’re ready I mean.
Me: I’d like that… but not yet.
I turn the phone off and shut my eyes. A tear runs down my cheek but I don’t bother wiping it. Will I ever be able to have a simple conversation with them without feeling all the hurt and betrayal? Connor calls me every few days but I haven’t answered. Xavier hasn’t reached out and I unblocked Jase but I haven’t heard anything. Sassy keeps me up to date on things even though I tell her not to tell me. I think she just can’t help herself. She has always loved gossip.
I slow my breaths and try to will my mind to sleep. One of the guys is watching a movie quietly and laughs every now and then, Memphis is cooking in the kitchen and I pray it’s not bacon. My stomach twists just thinking about it.
I lie here for a few hours still not able to fall asleep. Hopefully being in my own room and bed at the hotel I’ll be able to get a solid night's sleep. I know the bags under my eyes are starting to worry Memphis and Mikey.
We pull up to the venue a few hours before we go on. Dolly rushes off the bus and over to a waiting limo. Her Uncle Ron and her have to do some press thing beforehand, and I’m grateful for a few hours with the band without her. She tried to drag Memphis along, but he told her no.
“Are you ready, shortcake? We have two hours to kill in the place that bears my name. Let’s have some fun,” he says, coming up behind me and spinning me around. I giggle and the guys all shout excitedly, moving towards another limo. Memphis holds out his hand to me and I take it, letting him guide me to the car.
The driver holds the door, tips his hat at me and I smile. I really like Jeeves, I know that’s not his real name, but he seems like a Jeeves to me. I laughed the first time Memphis called him that and told me he’s a part of the gig. He stays on the assistant's bus and is sleeping with Gem on occasion. I laughed at that because this man who looks like he belongs on some British drama as a butler is messing around with a girl who is all rock and roll. But when I started to take notice and see how they are together, I got it. She makes him wild while he makes her calm.
I climb in and Memphis hands me a glass of champagne. I accept it but don’t drink. We all clink our glasses and toast to an amazing tour. I snort and giggle, pretending to sip.
“Not a fan?” Memphis asks and I nod. He chuckles and takes the glass from me, before wrapping his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his side. The guys glance our way but don’t even bat an eye at how affectionate we are with each other. It’s always been this way. I hope it never changes. His comfort and strength are what's helping me get through everything.
My dad and Frankie keep telling me to tell him about the Jelly Bean --yeah they have adapted to calling the baby that too-- and I will, but I need to tell the guys first. They should have been my first call and they would have been if not for what went down. Memphis sighs and rests his head on top of my head.
“I’m really happy you’re here with me, shortcake. I never knew you were what was missing.” The guys laugh about something and Memphis sits back up. I think about what he said and feel like crying. My damn hormones. I discreetly wipe my eye and turn to Jameson. He has his guitar out and is strumming to a song on the radio. I know this one by heart and I start to sing along. Alexandria Kay has to be one of my new favorite artists. Memphis sings the chorus with me in harmony and shivers run down my spine. I've always loved how deep his voice can go, almost like a growl. The grit and soul he puts into every lyric. It’s one of the things I love about his tone. It’s what made him famous.
We finish up and Mikey gives us a round of applause. “Damn, that was fire. We need to get you up on stage. Kick Dolly to the curb,” he says with a twinkle in his eye. I roll mine and laugh.
“No, I’ll stick with backup. Besides as much as I love your music, her new upbeat teeny bopper shit is not my style."
Jameson groans but nods and agrees with me.
“Soon as this tour shit is done, we're getting back to our original sound. Like that track we just laid down. I much prefer your vocals to Dolly’s.”
I glance Memphis’ way, but he seems to be off in space thinking. The car comes to a stop and I laugh. “Seriously, you want to go here? Of all the things we could do?”
He laughs and grabs my hand. “I’ve been dying for some new ink, and shortcake, it's time we got those matching tats you drew back in high school.” He pulls out a folded piece of paper from his wallet and tears spring to my eyes. He’s kept it all this time. I give him a smile and let him lead me into a small tattoo parlor. There is a lady waiting for us at the entrance and she squeals when we walk inside before rushing towards Jameson and jumping into his arms. They start making out.
When they stop and she hops back to the ground, he turns my way and laughs. “Cara, I’d like you to meet Kiki, my girlfriend and step-sister.” He shoots me a wink. My mouth drops, and even Memphis coughs. I give her a smile and she comes over wrapping me in a super tight hug.
“I’ve been dying to meet you. James here doesn’t shut up about the new girl with a voice of an angel that swooped down from heaven and saved the band.” My cheeks go red and my mouth is gaping like a fish. She laughs, then takes my hand, bringing me to the counter to see her work.
“Wow, these are amazing,” I gush, and she beams with pride. The guys talk loudly with one of the other artists and I pull her to the side, lowering my voice.
“Can I ask you something in confidence? I know we just met, but I need you not to tell the band.” She gives me a nod, and looks over her shoulder.
“You’re not on drugs right, because we can’t tattoo you if you are. I mean I know we do sometimes when people don’t disclose upfront, but it can really be dangerous.”
My eyes bulge and my jaw drops. I shake my head fast.
“No, god no. I’m umm.” I bite my lip and point towards my stomach. She follows and gives me a smile of relief.
“Oh… okay. So it’s totally up to you, and one of the main concerns is infection. But I can promise you that my needles are clean and I keep my studio sterile as hell. I’m a bit of a germaphobe and OCD as fuck. From what Memphis told me it’s a small design on your wrist right?” I give her a nod and she gives me a wink. “Yeah, should be totally fine. It’s completely up to you, but I do highly advise keeping it clean and using the ointment. Aftercare is majorly important.”
“Can I have a moment to think about it?”
“Absolutely, take your time. I’m going to go get some cuddles in with my man.” I watch her rush away and jump on his back. I pull out my phone and google just to double check what she said is right.
“What do you think, shortcake?” Memphis says, coming up behind me, and I jump, quickly turning my phone off. I glance his way to see if he saw what I was reading but his eyes sparkle with amusement.
