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Carson
A few weeks ago after the Dolly debacle and everything calmed down, Sassy reached out about getting some extra tickets for our show in Dallas. I was only able to give her three so I convinced Mini and Memphis to do a pop up show on campus. I never saw myself coming back here but after Sassy and, surprisingly, Ella talked to me, I decided it was time and that I needed some closure. Plus a little revenge on the Kippas sounded nice.
We finish up our rehearsal and I spot two people crossing the courtyard who can not be here right now. I turn and grab Memphis, hiding behind him.
“Crap Memphis, they can not see me.” I turn to him in a panic. I may not be huge yet, but I definitely have a cute little baby bump. We hide it on stage behind my guitar, but now that we're done performing and the roadie grabbed it from me, my bump is noticeable. He sighs and rolls his eyes, but nods. I know I need to tell them, but he promised me I could be the one, when I was ready. Plus after my last doctor appointment there are more important things then dealing with stupid college boys. Even if they may be my baby daddies. I give him a quick kiss, then slip behind him and dart towards a place I know no one will find me. There’s someone I need to talk to desperately.
“There's my favorite student,” Jen says, before wrapping me in a tight hug. I squeeze her so tight, she squeaks. “I was hoping you would come and see me. I mean our video chats are nice and all but I need my Cara cuddles.”
I snort and let her go.
“I guess it’s a good thing I’m no longer your student then,” I point out. I take a seat on her comfy couch and she brings me a mug of tea, taking the spot beside me.
“So tell me, how are you? Really, not that 'oh I’m fine' nonsense. Have you thought more about what I said? School is out for the summer. I am more than happy to finish the tour with you and be your on call midwife. I know Sassy is going to be around too. We can get a place together.” I hand the mug over to her and smile. My eyes fill with tears and she places it down on a small table.
“Have you told them yet?”
I shake my head and cry harder.
“Memphis and Lay are so excited about this baby… I can’t… They may never forgive me but I know when they hold her in their arms all will be forgiven,” I choke out and she pulls me close, running her fingers through my hair.
“Cara, you need to let them know. At least tell Memphis. You can not be doing this alone. You need someone to be there when the shit hits the fan honey. I love Lay, but he’s not ready for this. Not after what happened on Valentine’s Day.” I sit up and wipe my eyes.
“What happened on Valentine’s Day?” I ask, my heart racing and my hands shaking. Her eyes go wide and she looks off towards the wall.
“How is it no one has told you? Oh Cara, honey. He umm… He tried to kill himself.” I stand up and move for the door.
“I… I have to go,” I say, then rip her door open and take off down the hall, I turn the corner and slam into someone. “Oh shit! I am so sorry. Excuse me,” I mumble then try to go around them. They wrap me in their arms tight and I pause, before looking up into hazel eyes clouded with sadness and hesitation. “Jase,” I gasp and he smiles, but it’s sad. My mind goes blank and I pull away from him. “I…I have to go.”
“Wait. No. Please Cara, please talk to me. I'm lost without you and Lay. So lost. I just need you to talk to me. Let me explain.”
I give him a shake of the head and am thankful it's dark where we are so he doesn’t notice the baby bump.
“I need some more time, Jase. There are so many things going on right now. Things I’m not ready to discuss. I know you’re sorry. I know you never wanted this. I don’t know why, and someday I would like answers, but there are things more important in life than old history. But we will talk soon okay?” I take another step back and he sniffles.
“Okay Cara. I will do anything as long as that means I’m still in your life,” he whispers and turns to walk the other way.
I wait till he can’t hear, then whisper, “You will always be in my life.” I look down at my little girl, and place my shaky hands on my tummy. She kicks as I quietly cry.
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“There you are. Where did you go? Wait, we’ll talk later. We're on in ten minutes. Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Memphis asks me as I climb up the steps to the stage. I give him a nod and he kisses me. I pull back before things can get too heated and his eyes flare with love and lust. I don’t know if it’s the baby, or now that we’re together, but that man is insatiable. I place my hand on his scruffy cheek and press another quick kiss to his lips.
“I have to do this, Memph,” I whisper. “But Lay and I need to have a long talk later.” He gives me a worried look, and wipes some ruined mascara from under my eyes. A roadie hands me my guitar and I place it strategically over my tummy. Memphis rolls his eyes but places another kiss to my lips. He hates that I’m hiding it and wants to tell the world.
Someone announces us onto the stage and the crowd roars in excitement. We just got done with a show a few hours from campus and when I told Memphis I wanted to do a surprise performance here afterwards he was all for it. This may also be a bit of revenge since we had a team of bodyguards collect all the Kippas, Penny especially, and throw them in a van and drive off the property. What can I say, Karma's a bitch and her name is Carson Star.
Memphis and I sing a few songs then he steps back and I take a seat on the stool they placed center stage. I take a deep breath in then sing my heart out for the four boys I know are watching me right now.
When you were mine
I was never alone
I always had a place to call my home
Now that's gone and everything’s wrong
I’ll never find a place I truly belong
