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“You are going to sit your ass down and spend time with Cara and your daughter or I am going to go home and into my little kinky chest and grab my handcuffs.”
I snort and Cara laughs.
“Sassy, he doesn’t need to be here if he doesn’t want to be. Please, don’t force him.”
I send a glare Lay’s way and he groans, before taking a seat. I shuffle closer and hold Dallas out to him. He smiles at her but won't acknowledge anyone else in the room.
“I love you all and I am so so sorry,” Cara says, choking on her words. I lean closer and gaze into her watery blue eyes.
“Let’s just put a pin in it for now and enjoy every minute we can,” I say, looking around at everyone in the room and they all nod. Lay too. He looks up at me with tears in his eyes and stands, holding Dallas close in his arms. He climbs on the bed with Cara and presses a kiss to her temple.
“Please Carson, don’t leave me.” She looks up at him and cries. We all know she doesn’t have a choice in the matter, and for him to say that to her is like her breaking another promise. But she nods and whispers something to him.
“Okay, enough of this solemn shit. We never got to throw your surprise baby shower and you, little mama, have so many gifts to open.”
Cara’s eyes go wide and she holds her hands out excitedly. I laugh and pull a chair up around the side of her bed. Connor comes over and hands her some gifts.
I watch the joy on her face as she rips open the paper and all the girls ooh and ah over the cute little clothes. I could care less, but being in this room with my family and watching the love and joy on her face brings me a sense of peace I haven’t felt in a long time. I know so many things are still up in the air but I’m freeze-framing this moment and am just going to sit back and enjoy it.
Carson
I hold Dallas close, getting in some more snuggles, before she has to go home. I’m hoping I get to leave soon. This hospital bed is not comfortable, and I want to be able to take a long uninterrupted shower. Frankie and my dad pop by to get Dallas, and I hand over some bottles of milk I’ve pumped. I know I may have to start a round of chemo, and I won’t be able to nurse anymore, but I have been fighting to get a little freezer supply going. They leave the room and I fight not to start crying again. I thought after Dallas was born I wouldn’t be so damn emotional. Yeah, that was a lie. I wipe my eyes and open my phone. Sassy and Ella have been sending me crazy memes all day. I laugh at the latest one about a cat and some funky glasses.
Someone knocks on the door but I don’t know why they bother. Everyone just walks in. My doctor pops his head around the corner and checks to see if I’m alone. I laugh and nod. He sighs and walks my way.
“How are we doing today, Cara?”
I shrug and play with the thin blanket. Jase brought me a fuzzy one from home but Dallas had a blowout on it earlier as I was changing her.
“I’m okay, I would be doing better if you had a release form for me,” I say hopefully and his grin drops.
I bite my lip and nod. “Just tell me, please,” I whisper and he nods, opening up my chart.
“So your test results came back. It’s not good news Carson,” he tells me in a gentle voice. I close my eyes and just breathe. I knew the risks of having my baby. I never expected to even have these few weeks with her.
“How long?” I whisper. He moves closer to the bed, sets my chart down on the table and pats my hand.
“Six months, maybe longer. You have a decision to make. Do you want to start treatment? Or live out the rest of your days without it?” I close my eyes and lean back, picturing a life that will never be mine. Watching my daughter's first steps, teaching her to sing, ride a bike, holding her hand when she has her first heartbreak. Loving her with everything I am.
I made a sacrifice to bring her into this world. It may have been selfish, but I would do it all over again. I finally made a choice for my life. I chose to save my little girl and I would do it all over again. If I could change the past. I wouldn’t even dare.
The love, the pain, the heartache and tears brought me her. I wipe the tears from my eyes and meet my doctor's gaze.
“I want to fight.”
Epilogue
Memphis
"Hey what are you still doing awake? Naughty girl, we put you to bed hours ago." I enter my daughter's bedroom way past her bedtime to find her sitting there with a scrapbook she made with Cara.
"I miss mommy," she says softly with tears in her eyes. I sigh and move closer to the bed.
"I know, baby. I do too." I sit on the edge and close the book. "Come here, my little strawberry. How about a story?"
She climbs from under the covers and moves into my arms. The scent of coconut hits my nose and I take a deep breath in. Memories flood my mind of my shortcake. I lift her from the bed and move to the giant rocking chair we have in the corner. I sit back and grab a knitted blanket Cara had made while she was pregnant with Dallas. I gently rock us and hum a tune until she starts to wiggle.
“Story, Daddy.”
