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He stared at the rope in her hand, then lifted his focus to her face. “I figured you’d be the one walking her around the corral. I’ll stay close to Clio.”
Her fingers tightened around the rope as she closed it into her fist. “Okay then.” Without further prompting, she started walking. Calliope followed without much pressure. The bond they shared was deeper than most relationships the horses here had with people. That was probably due to the fact that she’d raised Calliope since she was a foal.
Constance had high hopes she’d be able to do the same with Clio.
Slowly, they made the rounds once, twice, three times. Clio did well keeping up with his mother, and Constance was able to avoid meeting James’s curious glances in her direction. That would have to change, though.
If she truly wanted to learn how to help the animals around Copper Creek, she’d have to be okay with their close proximity. She peeked at him over her shoulder. “Do you enjoy being a veterinarian?”
A soft smile filled his face, though his focus remained on Clio. “Of course I do. That’s a strange question.”
“But what if you lose a patient? Or your patient’s owners don’t like the treatment you can offer to their animals?”
“There’s risk in almost every job. Mine is no different.” His voice was soft, thoughtful even, and it made her want to ask him to expound on it, but she didn’t know if it was inappropriate to get so close to him.
She fiddled with the rope in her hands once more, unable to hold back the question after all. “What kinds of risks?”
“It’s like you said. Losing a patient has got to be one of the biggest ones. No one ever wants to experience that kind of loss. It’s painful, to say the least. But it can also be psychological.” James’s voice grew quiet as if he was reflecting on something really important. “Have you ever heard of imposter syndrome?”
“No.”
“It’s simple. Almost exactly what it sounds like. When you choose a career, you want to make sure you’re cut out for it. You attend classes, you study, and you inevitably compare yourself to others in your field. I don’t care what career you pick, if you’re like the majority of the population, you will have experienced this sensation at least once in your life.”
Constance slowed and turned to face him. “What sensation?”
“Comparison. When you compare yourself, all you see are your flaws and the things you need to improve. Then you look at others and all you see are their strengths and what they excel at. You can’t possibly fathom them failing at anything and you feel like you’re an imposter. You start to doubt your abilities, and that’s when it gets really hard.”
It was strange to hear him talk about this sort of thing. He’d always appeared so confident in what he was doing. She thought back to how he’d acted when he was delivering the foal. Not once did she feel like he didn’t have control.
“Were you scared yesterday?”
He didn’t break eye contact for even a moment. “Yes.”
Her eyes widened and that familiar sense of anxiety returned with full vengeance. He’d been scared. What if he’d been wrong? She could have lost so much.
James’s quiet voice dragged her from her reverie. “But you want to know the dirty little secret no one tells you about imposter syndrome?”
She remained silent. Whatever it was that he was going to say must be important. Otherwise he wouldn’t have started closing the gap between them. Her skin felt like it was on fire with each step he took to be closer to her.
“You need fear.”
“Huh?”
He nodded. “It’s healthy. I don’t think I would ever trust someone who is so confident that they don’t experience fear. It’s what drives us to improve or be better. It’s what makes us slow down and really think about what we’re doing so we don’t make thebigmistakes. Fear is the missing ingredient for a lot of people.”
“I’ve never thought of it that way.”
“I don’t think many have,” he mused. “So when you decide if you want to move forward with an official education to become a veterinarian, remember that if you want to become great, you will always have that fear in the back of your mind. It’s necessary to push you forward.”
He was standing directly in front of her, mere inches away once more, and she hated the way it unnerved her.
Flashes of the day before when she’d thrown herself into his arms plagued her all night and refused to leave her alone today. That had been an inappropriate response, and he’d suggested as much when he’d stepped back.
But now that she knew why he’d acted that way—namely his interest in Brielle—somehow it made it all worse.
She took a careful step backward, not wanting him to notice the effect he was having on her. Crushes were for teenagers. She was not a child anymore. Perhaps if they were able to get to know each other a little better, he’d be the one to take the first step and ask her out.
But that wouldn’t happen if he had feelings for Brielle, secret or otherwise. He probably didn’t even realize what he was doing. Man, guys were so oblivious sometimes. She shoved the lead rope into his hands and took two more steps backward. “I just remembered that I have to check on the goats.”
