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At this point, I was now in my costume as I replied, “So… do you believe me?”
“I don’tdisbelieveyou. And that’s as good as it gets.”
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and checked to be sure my costume was properly in place before I said, “You can turn around now.”
Conflicting emotions overcame me as Rex turned to face me and in doing so, feasted on me with his eyes. I was flattered at the unabashed desire I saw on his usually severe face. But I couldn’t shake the impression that he wasn’t really seeing me—that he was seeing the face of someone else, someone who just happened to look a lot like me. “No matter how much you look at me, Rex, I’ll never be... her.”
To my surprise, an unusual emotion appeared on Rex’s face: shame. “I know that, Bindi,” he replied in a husky voice. “Truth is, I’ve always known it. I just...”
I was surprised to hear him admit as much—usually he was the reclusive, change-the-subject type. But now? Hmm, I decided to push my luck by prompting him with a, “Yes?”
“When I first met you, all I could think of was how much you resembled Brandeis… the woman in—”
“I know who she is,” I interrupted.
He nodded. “That’s why I kept accidentally calling you by her name. But ever since your valiant effort to leave us, I...” He looked away a moment and shook his head, as if there was something he wanted to tell me, but couldn’t.
“Rex?”
He looked at me then and there was a sadness in his eyes, the extent of which I’d never seen before. “Bindi, you’re… better than she ever was or ever could be.”
That sounded rather personal and surprised me. “Why do you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth,” he answered, shaking his head again. Then he took a deep breath before adding, “I realized something else while you were gone... you deserve a decent life, something better than this circus, that Laurent… thatIcould ever provide for you.”
Once again, the warm feeling of being desired welled up inside me. I didn’t know what to say, so I remained quiet and, luckily, Rex continued.
“You deserve to be happy and fulfilled,” he said and then scowled slightly before spitting out, “Neither I, nor my brother, could ever give you what you truly wanted and… needed.”
I wasn’t sure he knew what I truly wanted or needed. I wasn’t even sure I knew. All I did know, though, was that first and foremost, I wanted to understand just what in the hell was going on in this place.
The jingling of spurs outside the tent brought the stern mask once more to Rex’s face, and I realized this conversation was over for the time being. Maybe forever. A few seconds later, Ned poked his head inside, then his arm and gestured to Rex to come outside.
“Give me a second,” Rex growled at the sharpshooter. Turning to me, he said, “Breakfast will be served in just a few minutes. Don’t do anything… stupid.”
Turning away, he left the tent when Ned pulled the left flap aside so he could pass. Then Ned looked right at me with a clear warning in his eyes. He dropped the tent flap and turned around to stand guard. I doubted he’d be as easy to distract as my two previous sentries were.
***
True to Rex’s word, my breakfast arrived a few minutes later. Before the bearer could go in, however, Ned stopped him at the entrance and inspected every scrap of food on the plate. Only after he decided it was all right did Ned wave the stagehand through. The man said nothing as he handed me the tin plate with my first meal of the day: hardtack biscuit, two sausages and scrambled eggs. After dropping off the canteen of water that was slung across his shoulder, he turned around and walked out. Ned barely acknowledged his departure. I only wished he’d be as inattentive ifItried to leave the tent.
I didn’t know how long it would be before someone came to collect me, so I dove into my meager breakfast with great relish and enthusiasm. Ironically, by indulging my hunger, I managed to temporarily distract myself from my current predicament. I trusted Jiang and the sisters to organize our fellow troupe members, but would that be enough for the task ahead of us? I barely tasted my breakfast, but shoveled it into my mouth, knowing that no matter what, I needed to fortify my energy.
After placing the empty plate on my cot, I emptied the canteen into my parched throat when I noticed the trunk began to open a slight crack. I caught the reflection of a pair of glassy eyes belonging to Amelia. Finishing the canteen water, I quietly walked over to the trunk and helped Amelia lift it up all the way. She then reached down beside herself for something and produced a small paperback book which she pushed into my hand right before tugging on the lid of the trunk again, in a sign that she was ready to return to her solitude.
I looked at the paperback Amelia gave me. The back cover featured an odd set of pictographs. A pair of squares with squiggles inside them were connected by a single arrow, pointing from right to left. That made me curious, so I flipped open the back page. Inside was a beautifully hand-drawn rendition of a great prairie. The next three pages had the same picture, except there was a subtle change at the center. A head seemed to be emerging on the horizon.
I flipped back to the first page, gripping the rest of the book’s leaves and letting them rapidly turn in my hands. It was a flicker book, and the moving pictures came to life as I flipped through them. The head on the prairie belonged to a long-haired equestrian that began to emerge from the pages. My throat tightened when I saw she was the spitting image of me. But, of course, it wasn’t me: it was Brandeis.
The next pages featured her riding her horse, as if she were performing in person. All at once, I noticed the distinctive outline ofCirque du Noir. Then the scene abruptly changed. This time, Brandeis rode up to a man clad in ringmaster’s garb—a man whom I recognized as Laurent—just before dismounting.
A Cupid suddenly appeared above Laurent’s head with an impish smile on its face. Drawing back its bow, the cupid shot Laurent with an arrow, turning Laurent’s eyes abruptly into hearts. Then Laurent’s head suddenly nodded with great enthusiasm while shaking Brandeis’ hand with just as much vigor.
From the left, slowly lumbering into the picture was the heavily scarred body of Rex. I marveled at the artist’s attention to detail. He’d accurately recreated all of Rex’s scars, welts, burns and blemishes, right down to the smallest detail. Seeing Laurent and Brandeis, Rex crossed his arms and tapped his right foot with visible disdain. But Cupid hadn’t left yet. In fact, Cupid carefully lined up its next shot toward Rex, which it then let fly.
A gigantic heart then surrounded Rex’s body, and he dropped his arms and stopped tapping his foot. Instead, he walked over and gestured for Brandeis to follow him. Laurent scowled at him and received a hateful glower in return from his brother. But Brandeis took Rex’s arm and accompanied him out of the frame while Laurent was relegated to leading her horse away before he vanished off to the right.
By virtue of all the parties leaving the picture, the final page was a total blank. I closed the book and took a good look at the front cover. A single question was scrawled upon it:Will The Circle Be Unbroken?I faintly recalled a gospel hymn by that same name, and as I did, the book instantly became strangely warm. A second later, the handwritten title ignited, and the paperback burst into blue flames.
