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“What?” I gasped. “Other alphas have turned on you?”
“Not quite.” Holden shook his head. “But a few are questioning me and my capabilities as alpha now. I’m not sure which route to take. I need to take some type of action; that much is clear. But the rest…”
This was eating at him. He’d opened up the night after the competition, expressing the weight that he carried on his shoulders. It was visible now. I could see the struggle in his eyes, in his body language.
“What are your options?” I asked, wanting to help him work through this, to perhaps relieve some of the pressure.
“Basically, I’m torn over killing Branson,” he said bluntly. “Do I want my first major public move as I transition into the North American alpha role to be killing a regional alpha and restructuring the pack?”
“If that’s what needs to be done.”
He furrowed his brows. “You sound so matter-of-fact. Yet I know you, of all people, don’t believe it’s that simple.”
He was right, and I thought it over, trying to reconcile how it wasn’t okay for him to kill my brother, yet the same was fine for Branson.
My chest was too tight, and I looked away, fresh pain rising as memories of Nico flashed through my mind. I blinked back tears, defaulting to the anger that was so much easier to bear than the pain as I turned back to Holden.
“No, it’s not that simple. I lost my brother—because of you.”
Holden flinched, but if he wanted to have this conversation now, maybe it was for the best. He needed to know how I felt.
My voice shook as I said, “Do you have any idea what that feels like? To lose someone so close to you that it feels like you’re walking around with a piece of your heart missing? I’ll never get the chance to tell my brother how much he meant to me, how much I loved him. I’ll never see him again—because of you,” I repeated.
Holden watched me wordlessly, shadows in his eyes as some internal battle warred in his mind, but he didn’t press me. And he didn’t argue the point, something I appreciated. At least he recognized the pain he’d caused me.
“But here’s the thing,” I said slowly, taking a deep breath to keep myself collected. “I’ve given this a lot of thought. I’ve blamed you for his death all along. Told myself that you callously took his life with no concern for anything but maintaining your power. I thought you were cold and cruel. But I’m learning that it’s not that simple. Not so black and white.” I couldn’t keep believing that now, not when I’d seen firsthand that Holden wasn’t anything like I’d made him out to be in my mind.
“When Nico challenged you,” I continued, “he knew going into it that his life was on the line. He was following orders. Just as you were following the law.”
Holden didn’t say anything, even though I could see the surprise in his eyes.
I blew out a breath, hardly believing I was about to say this, but also knowing it was time to let go of the anger. I shook my head. “What I’m trying to say, Holden, is that I don’t blame you for Nico’s death. You did what you thought you had to do—and Nico did the same.”
Saying it aloud made me feel lighter, somehow. Something else shifted as well as Holden took that in. His expression softened as if he saw something in me he hadn’t seen before. And as I recognized the truth of my words, it changed things between us.
Moving on quickly, afraid of what that meant, I added, “But this situation with Branson is totally different. Branson isn’t a good wolf leading the pack in a healthy way. He has no aspirations of helping the pack within, only his own power-hungry ambitions. If you don’t remove him from his position—permanently—I don’t know what will happen. He doesn’t value any life except his own, and he’s gathering the strongest wolves to him to fight his battles. He’s dangerous, Holden.”
He studied me for several long, drawn-out moments, and I wondered what he was thinking. “You’d really suggest killing him?”
“Believe me, if there was any other way… But Branson would never accept you simply stating he was no longer alpha. It would get ugly. He’s wild—unpredictable. He’ll do whatever the hell he wants, regardless of pack laws and tradition.”
Holden scratched at his chin. “Even more reason to believe he’s planning a rebellion.”
I shook my head. “You simply have to put a stop to it.”
“I want to find a way to handle this as safely and nonviolently as possible, Kayden. I’m not just going in and murdering people.” He said it like it was imperative I believe it.
I nodded. “I know, Holden. You’re a gentle and kind leader, a good man, and a good alpha. You aren’t who I painted you to be in my mind. Not at all.”
Holden stared into my eyes, his own unreadable. I was suddenly aware of how close he was. Somehow, we’d managed to move closer as we spoke, though I was only now noticing.
All it took was me tilting my head up for us to be sharing the same space, breathing the same air. My breath hitched audibly, and Holden’s warm brown eyes darkened. Neither of us moved. I barely dared to breathe.
Because the longing I felt deep inside was more intense than anything I’d ever felt in my life, I didn’t understand it fully. I’d kissed plenty of boys and men before and done more than that a few times.
But never had I felt such an all-consuming desire burn through my body, leaving my veins on fire and my core throbbing.
“Kayden,” he breathed, lifting his hand. He rubbed the back of his knuckles along my cheek, and I shivered at his touch, leaning into it—wanting more.
