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“Sorry about that. You can talk to Eddie, I suppose.” I wasn’t sure what it had to do with me, and if Trent regularly helped demons with their cleaning problems, I would be heartily surprised. I started to turn to get back to my investigation.
“Oh, my mistress, Eddie has never worked in a demonic household. I’m sure he’s excellent at solving the variety of domestic issues that arise between the gentle Fae creatures he employs, but I must deal with demons. Their issues tend to be a bit more…serious.” Tix hurried to keep up with me.
Fenrir growled and I stopped. I turned back to Fen. “I can handle one demon.”
Tix frowned, putting an open hand to his chest. “Handle? Me? Why on all the planes would you need to handle me?”
“Because you are a demon. You demon. Me Hunter.” I wasn’t going to play around with Tix.
“Mistress, you do know I am bound by blood oath to never harm you, right?” Tix asked. “And I am bound by my oath to do your will.”
I looked to Trent. “He has to do what we say?”
Trent’s head shook. “You, baby. Not me. On the Hell plane I am merely a treat for his master to enjoy.”
“And a delicious treat you are, Trent,” Tix crooned. “I completely understand why the master keeps you close to his side, and you should know that if you choose to come visit our manse, I will ensure your every comfort as I would with all of Master Grayson’s lovers.”
Fen made a gagging sound. “I do not need to hear that.”
“I’m going with him on this one,” Evan admitted. “That word is super weird when it comes to parental units. So you have to obey Gray and Kelsey but not Trent. That feels rude and very old fashioned of you. I suppose you’re one of those ‘marriage is between one man and one woman’ kind of guys.”
“Not at all. I think a man should be able to marry as many beautiful creatures as he can safely force to submit, though I would advise against more than, say, two or three. Once a demonic head of household married four female demons and they were all succubae. In his defense he did have three penises. I think he thought that would save him. He was a husk within a week. Luckily our Trent is a werewolf and shan’t have his sexual desires sucking the life out of the master. I assume that the mistress is also free of any sexual superpowers. I mean above her obvious charms, which are many.”
“Then why don’t you have to obey my dad?” Fenrir asked, his brow in a deep furrow. “Or me, for that matter. I’m Gray’s son.”
“And you are welcome, and I shall do everything I can to ensure your happiness, Fenrir,” Tix vowed. “I am more than pleased to view you as a part of the family.”
“But you don’t have to obey me.” Fen seemed to have picked up on the important part.
“I am not bound to obey you, no,” Tix replied. “But I am also certain you would never ask anything of me that I could not in good conscience do. I don’t actually have much of a conscience, so that won’t be a problem. Do you need assistance, Fenrir? I heard the alpha of the North American packs was here. I could kill him for you.”
“He’s not looking for an assassin,” Evan insisted.
“I think my son can handle his own problems.” Trent was studying Tix. “But I find some of your wording interesting. I assume you don’t have to obey me because Hell doesn’t recognize my marriage.”
“I’m afraid Hell is a bit traditional when it comes to its heads of state. In the House of Sloane, only his lordship and ladyship are recognized, and therefore the servants are only oathed to those with the blood of the line,” Tix explained. “So now that we have that out of the way, mistress, it appears that our finest chef has been having an affair with a chaos demon, and it is affecting our home. His very presence within our walls has caused whole rooms of the manse to go missing. At least I hope they’re only missing. There were twenty servants in that wing. What should I do? I would execute the chef, but he makes the most delicious barhovka. It’s the traditional stew of our lands. Can’t get it anywhere else. So delicious. So you can see it might be worth a bit of chaos to keep it.”
He spoke quickly, and none of that was my problem. “Good. Then keep him.”
“But what if the chaos demon causes me to lose Lord Sloane?” Tix asked.
“You’re not going to lose the dark prophet,” I returned. “He can’t be lost. Apparently now he thinks where he wants to go and there he is. No wards can hold him. That’s precisely why your ass can get in here.”
“But Kelsey, he can’t lose whole wings of the house. That would cost the family.” Evan seemed to actually consider the problem. “Are they in love? Or is it a sex thing?”
“Can a chaos demon truly be in love with anything but chaos?” Tix asked.
Evan nodded as though she’d thought that would be the case. “Then you need to break them up. Start a rumor about the chaos demon. Ooo, or you could seduce the chaos demon and make sure the chef catches you.”
Tix gasped. “Princess. Oh, you are a clever one, and a little mean. I like it. Though I certainly won’t do the deed myself.” He shuddered. “This particular demon is covered in a pus I can’t stand. It’s yellow and I prefer green. I can, however, force one of my underlings to do the deed. The chef is prone to jealousy. You’ve given me much to think about, Princess.”
“Uh, wouldn’t the chef quit? I wouldn’t work for someone who slept with my girlfriend,” Fen argued.
Evan shook her head. “Household staff on the Hell plane are enslaved to the houses. He can’t go anywhere.”
Tix bowed his head. “The princess’s knowledge lightens my heart. So few on the Earth plane truly know our customs. You have been properly educated.”
And I hadn’t. Something tickled at the back of my head, but I really wanted to ignore it. I had problems of my own, and I didn’t need to deal with the Hell plane and temperamental chefs with problematic lovers. “Excellent. Go forth and break up the happy couple.”
