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CHAPTERFIFTEEN
Ace held Emily even as she slept, her long dark lashes resting on her cheeks.
Watching her come undone had been beautiful.
He’d like to watch her like that a thousand more times at least.
But it had been selfish on his part to even ask for the once. He had no future to give, only a few scraps of pleasure in the present.
Waiting until she was deep in sleep, he slid from the bed, wrapping a blanket about her to keep her warm. Then lifting her from the mattress, he began carrying her from the room.
She woke instantly. “Your arm,” she cried, half sitting up.
He smiled, despite himself. “Always worrying after me.” How he loved that, craved this gentle affection she so effortlessly gave him.
She wiggled and he set her down. She was right, at least in part. His arm was still sore and not as strong as usual. He could hold her, but not with her moving like that.
She stared up at him. “Why don’t we lie back down? We could sleep or I could…” Even in the dark, heat filled her cheeks and he knew she meant she’d like to return some pleasure to him.
The idea of it made his still rock-hard staff throb as it ached for relief.
But he’d not take it. Not now. The only reason he’d been able to justify what he’d just done to himself was because it had been for her.
“You need your rest and so do I,” he lied, stroking her cheek. But guilt shuddered through him as her features instantly fell.
“Oh dear, I’ve overtaxed you.” There she went. Worrying about him again.
He kissed her temple and then the other. “Not at all but it’s best we return you to your room before your absence is discovered.”
She gave a tentative nod. “All right.”
Placing a hand at her back, he started to guide her toward the door when she stopped, looking over at him, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. “You protected my virginity, yes?”
“Of course,” he soothed, his hand spreading out on her back.
But she didn’t look relieved, rather, her brows drew deeper together. “Because you still have no intention of pursuing me, do you?”
He stopped, looking down at her, pain pulsing through him. “It’s not a matter of intent.”
“What is it then?”
He tried to pull her closer but she resisted. “I’m not in a position to wed you, Emily.”
“But things are different now. You’ve secured your family’s future.”
“I’ve already explained. I’ve secured their future but not my own. And there is no way to do so. I’m a liar and I cannot contain the lie forever. It’s not possible.”
Pain pulled at her eyes and mouth as a tear collected on her lashes. “But I already told you, I’ll take whatever time you can give me. I don’t want anyone else.”
He shook his head. “I could never live with myself if I did that to you. If I abandon you because of my own deceptions.”
Her trembling lips pressed together. “I’ve made a promise to myself that I’ll speak my mind and so I’ll say what I feel now. You ought to have just taken my maidenhead. I’ll never give it to another.”
That made him ache. He wanted it, wanted her with a passion he could hardly deny. He was in love with this woman. “You feel that way now.”
She shook her head. “I know who I am. No one trusts me to understand myself, but I do. You are the only one for me, of that I am certain.”
And then she tightened the belt of her dressing gown and started for the door. Just as she reached it, she turned back to him. “You have to choose me, you know, the way I’ve chosen you.”
